Favorite Statler & Waldorf Quotes

[Extell]

I find these two abnormally funny
I just want to get more quotes of these guys and hear opinions on your funniest sayings of these two.

My Fav:
Muppet Intro playing...
Cuts scene to Statler & Waldorf...
Waldorf: Ok, Ive seen enough, lets go.
Statler: Ok
They both stand and scene cuts back to song...
You dont see them again for the rest of the show

[Movies205]

HEY, I see this is your first post, let me be the first to WELCOME YOU TO MUPPET CENTRAL FORUM!!! I've only been here a couple of weeks but this is a great place, as for favorite quote... I don't have one...

[Daffyfan2003]

I know we've had a thread like this before, but that's okay. I've thought of more S & W quotes from last time. By the way, Extell. Were you referring to the opening from the Harry Belafonte episode? Because they have been seen in that episode even after they say that. Just thought I'd bring that up. Let me see:

Statler: Boy, he's really good, that Rudolf Nur-i, Nure... You know, I really should learn how to pronounce his name.

Waldorf: Don't bother. After this show, he'll probably change it.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Waldorf: You know, the opening is catchy.

Statler: So is smallpox.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(After Fozzie recieves an electric shock)

Waldorf: What did you think?

Statler: Shocking.

Waldorf: But was it funny?

Statler: No. That would really be shocking!

[Traveling Matt]

Another great one is when Kermit is harrassed by Foo-Foo on stage, and he yells for Piggy to get the dog off.
Statler: "You think this show constitutes cruelty to animals?"
Waldorf: "Not unless you're watching it"

Too funny!

- Billy

[Skeeter Muppet]

In the opening theme used for the Vincent Price episode on the Time-Life video; I forget what the original episode this opening theme was used for:

Statler & Waldorf: *crying* Why us?


At the end of the Steve Martin episode:

Statler: Well, that was different.

Waldorf: Yup. Lousy...

Both: ...but different!


BTW, Daffyfan, that one about the smallpox is one of my favorites!


-Kim

[Gorgon Heap]

My Fav:
Muppet Intro playing...
Cuts scene to Statler & Waldorf...
Waldorf: Ok, Ive seen enough, lets go.
Statler: Ok
They both stand and scene cuts back to song...
You dont see them again for the rest of the show

Actually you do see them again. This one they did two versions of: one on the Rich Little episode, one on the Harry Belafonte episode, and in both they were present for the rest of the show.

My favorites:

Marisa Berenson ep:

(After a Russian opening #)
S: Well, there goes detente.
W: Where?!
S: ...Never mind.

and later

S: Is your hearing aid fixed?
W: No.
S: Then how do you know what I'm saying?
W: I don't!
S: Oh. (does double take)

End of the Paul Simon episode:
S: Hey you old fool, you slept through the show!
W: Who's the fool? You watched it!

End of the Edgar Bergen ep:
W (in box, alone): He shouldn't have jumped. The show's not that bad!

But my all-time favorite has got to be:

End of the Don Knotts ep:
S: This show is awful!
W: Terrible!
S: Disgusting!
W: See you next week?
S: Of course.

Gotta love it.

David "Gorgon Heap" Ebersole

[Daffyfan2003]

In the opening theme used for the Vincent Price episode on the Time-Life video; I forget what the original episode this opening theme was used for:

That was originally from the Bob Hope episode. I was sort of shocked that they didn't use the original opening credits for the Vincent Price episode. I didn't think Time Life cut anything out. Oh, well. Seeing a first season episode without it's original opening credits is better than not seeing it at all. Anyway, back to the original subject. I think the best S & W quotes come at the beginning and at the end of the show. Oh, I thought of some more. On the subject of Shakespeare:

Statler: That really offended me. I'm a student of Shakespeare.

Waldorf: No. You were a student WITH Shakespeare. (Love the expression on Statler's face after that) and from "Muppets Tonight:"

Waldorf: Shakespeare would have hated that.

Statler: You should know. You dated his sister.

Waldorf: Boy was she ugly.

[Skeeter Muppet]

That was originally from the Bob Hope episode.

THAT was it! I knew it was from one of the tapes that we had (before Mom decided to cancel the subscription )

-Kim

[Daffyfan2003]

Why would your mom want to cancel the subscription? These are classic. It was probably a money saving thing, wasn't it?

From the Roger Moore ep.:

Waldorf: What a touching scene: 0-0-7 and 7-0-0.
Statler: 7-0-0? Is that Miss Piggy's code name?
Waldorf: No! It's her weight!

From the Senor Wences ep.:

Statler: Personally, I don't care for puppets much. I don't find them believable.
Waldorf: I don't believe you.

From the Liberace ep.:

Waldorf: Greek music. Very appropriate for the pigs.
Statler: The pigs are from Greece?
Waldorf: No. The pigs are greasy.

From the Denny's commercials:

Statler: $2.99? That's a problem.
Waldorf: Why?
Statler: It's a deal so good even we can't complain.

From the Weezer music video:

Waldorf: They aren't half bad.
Statler: Nope. They're all bad.



I might post more when I think of them. Statler and Waldorf are hilarious...and in a way they make good foils for the other muppets.

[Daffyfan2003]

After Debbie Harry sings "One Way or Another:"

Statler: I wonder who she was looking for.

Waldorf: Probably the guy that booked her on this crummy show.

[Extell]

LOL!

Sorry, but I have not seen the Muppets Show in over 10 years! I can never find it on TV. I may one day have to break down and look for the episode collection on DVD.

[Daffyfan2003]

You should order the collection from Timelife. Belive me, it will be worth it.

More favorite Statler & Waldorf quotes:

From the Debbie Harry ep.:

Waldorf: Incredible! What kind of creature would marry a gargoyle?
Statler: A gar-boy.

From the Carol Burnett ep.:

Waldorf: What's our prize if we win this dance marathon?
Statler: 3 weeks away from "The Muppet Show"!

From the Juliet Prowse ep.:

Waldorf: More! More!
Statler: Less! Less!

Waldorf: That's one of the reasons I always thought the muppets were weird. They think explosions are funny. Explosions aren't funny. Although some of them are really quite droll.

From the Leslie Uggams ep.:

Waldorf: This show has always reminded me of a sardine.
Statler: Why?
Waldorf: It's a little fishy.


From "Muppet Treasure Island":

Statler: We're heroes! We saved the pig and the frog!
Waldorf: Well...it was too late to save the movie.


From the Garth Brooks ep. of "Muppets Tonight":

Statler: What would you do if you we're a rich man?
Waldorf: I would buy the network and cancel this show.

Statler: Shakespeare would've hated that!
Waldorf: You should know. You dated his sister!
Statler: Boy, was she ugly.

From the Cindy Crawford ep. of "Muppets Tonight":

Statler: This show is off to a fast start.
Waldorf: Good. Maybe it'll end sooner.

From the Whoopi Goldberg ep. of "Muppets Tonight":

Waldorf: Same as it ever was.
Statler: Same as it ever was.
Both: Terrible!

From the John Goodman ep. of "Muppets Tonight":

Statler: There's nothing like good old comedy.
Waldorf: Nothing like it on this show!

From the Jason Alexander ep. of "Muppets Tonight":

Statler: That number was a real show-stopper.
Waldorf: Too bad it didn't stop this show.

From the Tony Bennett ep. of "Muppets Tonight":

Statler: What's that song that Tony Bennett always sings?
Waldorf: "I Left My Heart in San Francisco".
Statler: Big deal. I left my teeth in Minneapolis.


From "Muppet-Vision 3D":

Statler: Hey, look! Look at the guy in the Goofy mask!
Waldorf: That's not a mask.
Statler: Oh. Sorry, lady.

Statler: Oh, Waldorf, it's that dumb bear again!
Waldorf: Yeah. Hey, bear, you're not even funny in 3D!

Waldorf: We entered a contest.
Statler: Yeah! We lost!

Statler: This is a very moving moment.
Waldorf: Yeah. I wish they'd move it to Pittsburgh.

Statler: Ooh! Aah! Oh!
Waldorf: Enjoying the fireworks?
Statler: No! Your chair is on my foot!

Waldorf: Do we have time to go to the bathroom before the next show?
Statler: We can't, you old fool! We're bolted to the seats!

[statler&waldorf]

s:Well, that was different.
wid you like it?
s:No.
w:Then it wasn't that different.

I also have a couple in my signature.