Statler & Waldorf quotes...

[punkNpuppets]

WALDORF: They aren’t half bad.
STATLER: Nope, they’re ALL bad!
(Weezer video)

STATLER: I wonder if there really is life on another planet.
WALDORF: Why do you care? You don’t have a life on this one?

WALDORF: What’s all the commotion about?
STATLER: Waldorf, the bunny ran away!
WALDORF: Well, you know what that makes him -
BOTH: Smarter than us!
(Muppet Vision 3D)

STATLER: Boo!
WALDORF: Boooo!
S: That was the worst thing I’ve ever heard!
W: It was terrible!
S: Horrendous!
W: Well it wasn’t that bad.
S: Oh, yeah?
W: Well, there were parts of it I liked!
S: Well, I liked alot of it.
W: Yeah, it was GOOD actually.
S: It was great!
W: It was wonderful!
S: Yeah, bravo!
W: More!
S: More!
W: More!
S: More!


what other ones are there???

[Skeeter Muppet]

At the end of the Steve Martin episode:

Statler: Well, that was different.
Waldorf: Yep. Lousy...
Both: ...but different!

From the Juliet Prowse ep:

Statler: The question is, what is a Mahna Mahna?
Waldorf: The question is, who cares?

From (unknown ep)
Waldorf: Bravo, bravo!
Statler: Why are you yelling bravo? Did you like it that much?
Waldorf: Nope; friend of mine, Joe Bravo, he's sitting in the front row. Bravo!

From MuppetVision 3*D
Statler: (after putting on his 3-D glasses) Hey, hey look! Look at the guy in the Goofy mask! ...that's not a mask. Oh; sorry lady!

Waldorf: Hey look, an orchestra of penguins!
Statler: Yeah, probably took the job for the halibut!

Waldorf: (commenting on the scenery for Piggy's number) Isn't it lovely?
Statler: Yeah. Too bad they're gonna spoil it with a pig.

Waldorf: Hey, what's all the commotion about?
Sweetums: Bunny ran away!
Waldorf: Well, you know what that makes him...
Statler & Waldorf: Smarter than us!

Statler: (on Bean's reuniting with the other Muppets) This is a very moving moment.
Waldorf: Yeah; I wish they'd move it to Pittsburgh!


-Kim

[Crazy Harry]

Originally posted by punkNpuppets
STATLER: Boo!
WALDORF: Boooo!
S: That was the worst thing I’ve ever heard!
W: It was terrible!
S: Horrendous!
W: Well it wasn’t that bad.
S: Oh, yeah?
W: Well, there were parts of it I liked!
S: Well, I liked alot of it.
W: Yeah, it was GOOD actually.
S: It was great!
W: It was wonderful!
S: Yeah, bravo!
W: More!
S: More!
W: More!
S: More!

I think you might gotten that one reversed... or was that the joke?

[suggsy]

Waldorf: I wish Gene Kelly would teach me to Charleston.
Statler: I wish Gene Kelly would DRIVE you to Charleston!

(I like the ones where they turn on each other.)

[Crazy Harry]

S&W: Boo, boo!
Sheep: Baah, baah!
S&W: Humbug, humbug!

Statler: Wake up you old fool. You slept through the show.
Waldorf: Who's a fool? You watched it.

[Beauregard]

Crasy Harry,

I think they did that one both ways at differant times.

I have got a copy of Manah Manah on my computor and at the end they are chearing and saying how good it is then they change there minds, the same way thay did in the one PunkNmuppets said it only backwards.

Beauregard

[Daffyfan2003]

I think the one where Waldorf tells Statler he doesn't have a life on this planet and also the one where he is calling for Joe Bravo are both from the Dom DeLouise episode. Though, I can't quite remember which ep the Gene Kelly quote came from. Lol. Just kidding.

[Gorgon Heap]

Actually, the Bravo Bravo quote is from the George Burns episode, after Kermit & Piggy sing "I Won't Dance" in At the Dance.

Some of my favorite S & W quotes:

W: Wonderful!
S: Marvelous!
W: That you should care for me.
(Ruth Buzzi ep.)

The following three from the Marisa Berenson ep:

After a Russian number:

S: Well, there goes detente!
W: Where?
S: Never mind.

S: Did you like that number?
W: Speak up, my hearing aid's busted!
S: DID YOU LIKE THAT NUMBER?
W: I LIKE WHAT I HEARD!
S: WHAT DID YOU HEAR?
W: 'DID YOU LIKE THAT NUMBER?'
S: Doyyyyy!

S: Is your hearing aid fixed?
W: No.
S: Then how do you know what I'm saying?
W: I don't!
S: Oh. (does double take)

More to come as I remember them.

David "Gorgon Heap" Ebersole

[Drtooth]

S: I like the steel Drums!

W: What?!?

S: THE PIGS' STEEL DRUMS!!!

W: I beleive it! They'll take anything that isn't bolted down!
_______________________________________________
(From Muppets at Disney World)

Fozzie: That's what we call a Disney Joke!

S: No!! That's what we call a Dismal Joke!!!
_____________________________________
S: Have you ever been to a Witch Doctor?

W: They're all witch! Ever been to a poor doctor?
_________________________________________
S: You did it! You saved the Pig and Frog!

W: Well, it was too late to save the movie!
________________________________________
from GMC, watching a fashion show

S: Nice lines!

W: Yeah!! And the dresses aren't bad either

(later)
S: Waldorf!! Wake up! Here come the bikinis!

W: Oh boy! Let's syncronize our pace makers!
_____________________________________

W: The bear and the Snowman are great team.

S: Yeah! The snowman's ice cold and the bear's not so hot!
______________________________________________

somebody think up some more! I don't want to be here all day!

[Daffyfan2003]

Actually, the Bravo Bravo quote is from the George Burns episode, after Kermit & Piggy sing "I Won't Dance" in At the Dance.

Sorry about that. I guess I got mixed up because George Burns and Dom DeLouise were on the same video.

O.K., let's go through the collection I have and see what I can remember. Here we go:

Raquel Welsh episode:

Statler: Do you believe in life after death?

Waldorf: Every time I leave this theater.
(I don't quite get that one)
----------------------------------------------------------------------
After Paul Simon takes Gonzo's chicken's

Waldorf: You know what kind of party Paul's having?

Statler: No, what kind?

Waldorf: A hen party.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
(Also from the Paul Simon episode)
Statler: Brrrr. It's freezing in here. Waldorf when you
come back can you give me my coat?

(Waldorf brings Statler a goat)

Statler: Your hearing aid's busted again.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
(from the Muppets Take Manhattan)

Waldorf: Did you get us tickets?

Statler: You bet! They're for a bus out of town!

(I'm not quite sure I got that one exactly right)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Also from the George Burns episode)

Statler: Can you sing tenor?

Waldorf: What?

Statler: Can you sing tenor, as in ten or eleven miles away
from here.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I should be getting Volume 8 from the Timelife collection some
time this week, so I'll try to come up with more.

[TravellingMatt]

(Also from the Paul Simon episode)
Statler: Brrrr. It's freezing in here. Waldorf when you
come back can you give me my coat?

(Waldorf brings Statler a goat)

This joke was recycled from a live-action segment on "Sesame Street". In the segment, David is stranded on a desert island, rubs a bottle, and out comes a genie, as played by Maria. David asks for a boat to get off the island, and gets a coat, then a goat, before finally getting his boat (a TOY boat)!

Other great S & W lines:

(From the Elton John ep)

(S & W are wearing flamboyant Elton John-style costumes)

Statler: Boy, we really look like something from the rock age!
Waldorf: No, we look more like something from the Stone Age!

***

(From the Shirley Bassey ep, after "Boogie In The Barnyard")

S & W: BOO BOO said the men in the theatre box, DON'T BOOGIE IN THE BARNYARD!

***

(From the Julie Andrews ep, after "The Lonely Goatherd")

Waldorf: Bravo! I loved it! I liked the goat!
Statler: He would...the old goat!

***

(From the Elton John ep, watching the Swedish Chef chase a chicken around)

Waldorf: "Let's sneak out and grab a pizza."

***

(After a number where Piggy leads the pigs in "Cuanta Le Gusta")

Statler: "That was your basic Latin number."
Waldorf: "No, that was your basic Pig Latin number."

***

[Gorgon Heap]

The quote from the George Burns episode is as follows:

S: That George Burns is a great singer!
W: Well so am I, Statler!
S: What?!
W: Sure! Hey, you wanna hear me sing?
S: Only if you sing tenor.
W: Tenor?
S: Ten or eleven miles away! HA HA HA HA HA!

The life after death joke is saying that sitting through the show is death, and leaving the theater is life again.

David "Gorgon Heap" Ebersole

[Crazy Harry]

(after seeing Gonzo preform 'Jamboree')

W: Ther've been wars started over less then that

S: You're wrong. Nothing's less then that.

[Daffyfan2003]

The life after death joke is saying that sitting through the show is death, and leaving the theater is life again.

Thanks David. I should have remembered the ones from the Elton John and Julie Andrews episodes considering they're on Timelife's first volume and I have watched that one more times than I've watched the rest of them. Lol.

[Drtooth]

Here are some I made up for a few comicsin which Statler and Waldorf give their commentary. Just want to know what you think!

(In one comic, they're at the movies watching a trailer for a parody of Like Mike)

Statler: What's worse than a movie about Michael Jordan without him actually being in it?

Waldorf: How about a film about Michael Jordan WITH him in it?
__________________________________________________ ___

(To start off my annuall Halooween Issue, I had Fozzie Bear tell some jokes about ghosts, to which, they reply)

S: Hey bear! The only thing scarey around here is the fact you're still in comedy!

W: Yeah! The only thing in this issue that won't come back from the dead is your act!

S: Face it! In the field of entertainment, you don't stand a GHOST of a chance!

Both: Dwoah! Ho ho ho!!!