The Infamous Rubber Chicken...

[Fozzie Bear]

HIYA!

Well, I think everyone should remember by now me and my constant ranting about my Rubber Chicken.

Indeed, throughout history--well, since the creation of them to begin with--rubber chickens have been a staple of the comedy circuit. In ancient Rome, as a matter of fact, the rubber chicken was used as a device for catapults and cannons.

Had it not been for the rubber chicken, the Michellen Man would have starved long ago.

And, believe it or not, the rubber chicken was responsible for the end of World Wars One and Two...that's right. I can't think of any reason to tell as to HOW, so give me some time to make something up.

At any rate, in more recent times, I have used my Rubber Chicken as a means to make jokes or gags...or jokes that make you gag...here at Muppet Central; I threatened to smack Brian Henson in the back of the head with my rubber chicken when the EM.TV deal was made, and have threatened others here with my rubber chicken as well.

Today, after posting to Frogboy, and finding my rubber chicken behind a chair here in my room (that chicken gets around), I have found a horrible disease on my chicken. No, it isn't salmonella; worse:
DRY ROT!!

It's gotten that old that the poor thing is dry-rotting, and soon will be rendered useless. SO, I go to the store to get a new one, and guess what? They all have sound boxes in them and cost almost $10!! What happened to the good old days when you could get a quiet little rubber chicken for $3? Do they have to make ALL great toys talk now?

So, in mourning over my rubber chicken, I do make this post. Tomorrow, or soon after I return from my vacation, I will bury my rubber chicken to the scrap yards of the rubber recycling...thing.

*SIGH!* Another great history meets its end, and the closing of a great friendship between me and my rubber chicken is upon us all.

FOZ:(

[Jessie]

You should cut off one of it's feet to remember it by or something before you bury it.

Just try to find one that is dry-rot-less.

[EmmyMik]

You know, I know a store that not only sells rubber chickens, but rubber fish and pigs as well...

Or is it too soon to start talking about "replacements"?

:D

[Jessie]

I think there has to be a certain "mourning time" for these things :0)

Maybe we should hold a ceremony...

[Zack the Dog]

I'm sorry about your rubber chicken, I have a rubber chicken (i got last christmas) and he's really sorry to hear about your chicken too.

Zack)Rowlf the, I guess every rubber chicken ends up in that big used rubber tire in the sky,Dog.

[Fozzie Bear]

I appreciate everyone's concern about the Rubber Chicken.

I wouldn't want to cut off its leg or foot cause that would be too...voodooey.

Yeah, I'm gonna have a simple little service for it. Me, Muley, my turtle, Humphrey...

At least I still have my rubber bass from New Orleans. But, it's just not as funnee.

So, Emmy, is that store still selling them---you know, the regular rubber chickens without the sound boxes in 'em?

FOZ

[EmmyMik]

So, Emmy, is that store still selling them---you know, the regular rubber chickens without the sound boxes in 'em?

I wouldn't know. Those chickens are *gasp* hanging. I'm short and can't reach them.

So I can look, but not touch (they keep all of the cool hats out of my reach too)...

:D

[Jessie]

I wouldn't want to cut off its leg or foot cause that would be too...voodooey.

LOL...voodooey...I'm 'putting that on my luggage'...

[Fozzie Bear]

Jessie:
On your luggage? Where ya' goin?

Emmy:
Can ya ask 'em about the rubber chickens, please? Also, tell them to lower the hats so you can get to them and that I said so.

FOZ

[EmmyMik]

Originally posted by FOZZI3B3AR

Emmy:
Can ya ask 'em about the rubber chickens, please? Also, tell them to lower the hats so you can get to them and that I said so.

FOZ

The next time I go there I will (I'm thinking about getting a rubber fish for myself)...

:)

[Jessie]

King John says that in the animated Robin Hood movie and I always thought it was silly...

[Drtooth]

It really stinks that your chicken has rotted away. It reminds me of my chicken. I had one when I was a little boy, cause of Fozzie Bear (it was a christmas present). I loved that thing SOOOOO nuch. Eventually it got a hole or cut in it for some reason and I put a bandaid on it! It was lost in storage for years after. And I couldn't agree with you more. 10 bucks?!?!?!? And they only have gag talking ones and ..ehem "adult" ones. The only others I could find are small keychains or come with lolipops (ideed I have both) but it's not the same. It is a tragidy, since the Chicken is the highest relgious article to the comedian. More important than a woopie cushion. Far greater than the dribble glass. Even the Groucho Marx nose and Glasses cannot measure up to the Rubber Chicken.

[radionate]

Where is FOZZI3B3AR/Kevin? He's been MIA for awhile on the board. I might have to drive up to Memphis to search for him. (That could be the premise of the next Muppet Road Trip Movie, The Search for Fozzie)

[Fozzie Bear]

HIYA NATE!!

Glad to see I'm missed!! :)

I've been moving quite a LOT of my stuff...all alone. Did a lot in my car, but finally got my mom's van. I'm dying. I'm dying a slow, slow death moving this junk by myself.

I dug up my rubber chicken; i can't leave it buried where it was buried at my friend's house, and I won't bury it here. So, I just washed it off instead. I have to keep my chicken. I can't bear to lose it.

Anyhow, there's this fun shop around the corner on Highland near Southern and I'm going there Saturday (if i get time) to see if they have old-fashioned Rubber Chickens!

I hope, i hope, i hope...
FOZ

[radionate]

Originally posted by FOZZI3B3AR
I dug up my rubber chicken; i can't leave it buried where it was buried at my friend's house, and I won't bury it here. So, I just washed it off instead. I have to keep my chicken. I can't bear to lose it.

You have my sympathy on moving. I had to move my stuff alone last year (all my friends were all moving on the same weekend, and nobody could help the other). So I feel your pain.

And also.......

You are one sick puppy! But, if you need a brain I have one from some guy named Abby......

[CaptCrouton]

Fozzie,

Don't worry. Normal rubber chickens aren't as rare as you think. Or as expensive. I just picked up two catalogs on my desk. And both contain rubber chickens.

First, U.S. Toy Company sells them for $6.50 a piece. It's a softer chicken and not quite as traditional looking. But they have a website at www.ustoy.com

Second, a better looking chicken (IMHO) from S & S Recreation. They have chickens, pigs, and fish for $4.88 a piece. You can get two normal chickens for the price of one stupid talking one! :) They have a website at www.ssww.com or a toll free number at 1-800-243-9232. It appears they've developed some games for using rubber chickens. Worth looking into.

There may be other deals out there as well, I literally just picked up two catalogs at my desk and looked in the index.

Hope this makes you feel better
Markus

[Foreignman]

:( Fozzie, I'm so sorry, if there's anything I can do for you in this time of mourning, please, just ask. Your search for a new rubber chicken (not a replacement, for we can never replace the old one) has gotten me thinking, I think we should all go into the rubber chicken manufaturing business, that's where the real money's at. We would make only quality rubber chickens, out of the finest rubber materials. And you know how much we would charge for them, $3.00, just like in the olden days. Who wants to go into business with me?

[Fozzie Bear]

CaptCrouton!

Thanks for the info man!! I'll be sure to keep myself in the know about that info as soon as I get thru moving in to order.

(BTW, I actually prefer bacon bits...sometimes, croutons are too hard...)(well, then again, actually, i don't use either. hmm.)

Foreignman--Thanks for the sympathy man. I'm all for the rubber animal business. Heck, look what they've done with animal crackers.

Animal crackers are not very good in soups, tho.

Radionate--yes, I'll borrow that brain. ASAP please. The current one I have is going into over load.

FOZ

[radionate]

FOZZI3,

Sigh, you don't really want the brain. If you were up on Mel Brooks movies, you'd realize that its an Abnormal Brain (Abby something......get it?):rolleyes:

[Foreignman]

I got the joke Nate, I got the joke, do I get a prize?!? I love Mel Brooks movies, can't wait to see The Producers on Broadway, even if it's not with Nathan Lane and Mathew Broderick like it used to be.

[radionate]

You get meat and cheeses! I can't wait to get to NYC and see The Producers as well. If I get up there this fall I want to see The Producers, Hairspray, and Into the Woods!

[Fozzie Bear]

HIYA!!

You wont believe this. You're just not gonna believe this. Of all the things in the world you won't believe, it will be this. This is the thing that is totally, way on yonder beyond belief.

Know what it is?

You won't believe it.

I finally, today, just this afternoon, and without warning got me a new rubber chicken.

So, I'm happy again. It's the old fashioned kind; just not $3 like it used to be. Now they're more expensive, and I wont say how much cause then you'll think I'm weirder than you already think I am.

believe it or not.

Anyhoo...Producers, Hairspray, Into the Woods. I think Nathan Lane uses hairspray when he goes into the woods. Keeps the bugs off him. Of course, he COULD just do like I do, and smack the bugs with his rubber chicken.

or duckie, or piggy, or fishie...whatever he has that's rubber. Not tires tho, they're heavy.

Your Friendly Neighborhood Fozzie Man,
F:DZ

[radionate]

So whatcha gonna name your new chicken?

[Fozzie Bear]

I'm thinking Michelin. Michelin the Rubber Chicken. Kinda funny, huh?

FoZ

[radionate]

What if its a girl?

And I love the new picture of Fozzie!

[Drtooth]

Wait a sec... aren't all rubber chickens girls? Isn't that why they don't call them rubber Roosters? I just love these things. I only have problems with one rubber animal...Rubber spiders...they give me the creeps!!!

[Zack the Dog]

Hi Kevin, glad you got a new chicken!

How about Mort? Mort the Chicken?

I don't know, it was an older video game for PlayStation...

Zack)Rowlf the, I never played it, but I read that the game was a flop,o-well,Dog.

[Fozzie Bear]

You're right. Rubber Chicken; not rooster. So...

I think I'll just call it Rubber Chicken. Easy to remember, and while not very creative induces the idea of "fun" into any conversation.

FOZ

FOZ: "Hey, Rubber Chicken, who was that girl I saw you with alst night?"
RC: "That was no girl, it was a tire!"

WOCKA WOCKA!!

[ResidentLilly]

Ahh...the joy of rubber stuff...

[Fozzie Bear]

Ken,

Thanks for including the rubber chicken in the Fozzie Bear figure pack!!

FOZ

Oh, man, by the way folks...I was playing with my rubber chicken earlier...had a handkerchief tied around its neck and was playing like it was Super Rubber Chicken, and it hit the edge of the sink about the time the phone rang. So, I answered the phone and then walked around the corner of the kitchen in my apartment and saw the 2 yellow rubber gloves on the floor next to him...her...IT...and I was surprised because in less than a fourth of a second, I though I had de-winged my chicken!! Seriously! Go get you a rubber chicken and put it on the floor with 2 yellow rubber gloves that you would use to really dig down hard into a pan with an SOS pad and it looks like its wings just fell off!!

or maybe I should just lay off the rubber cement for a while?

FOZ

[radionate]

Originally posted by ResidentLilly
Ahh...the joy of rubber stuff... Ken, I repeat, I worry about you.

[Drtooth]

Mr. Horse: Don't say I need any rubber n*pples. But I'll tell you what, though, have you got any... rubber walrus protectors???

Walrus: call the police!!!!

[Fozzie Bear]

By the way, I have a fuzzy nose glasses now! WOCKA WOCKA!!

Now, all I need are some of those GREAT BIG GREEN SUNGLASSES!!

FOZ

[Zack the Dog]

do you have a horn Kevin?

hmm, how about a list of Fozzie items

Rubber Chicken
Woopie Cusion
big green sun glasses
fuzzy nose glasses
pork pie hat
pokadot tie
horn
mic
rollerskates
joybuzzer
joke book
teddy bear
ucalaly(sp)
banana cream pie
banana with peel

anything more?
Zack)Rowlf have you got all that stuff?Dog

[radionate]

Originally posted by Zack the Dog

anything more?
Zack)Rowlf have you got all that stuff?Dog I think his uncle has the studebaker!

[Janice & Mokey's Man]

Originally posted by Zack the Dog
banana with peel

LOL!!

*sigh*

OH my, that was the funniest thing at 5:58 p.m....

[Fozzie Bear]

Hiya!

I got all that stuff...well, not the studebacher. My uncle isn't hibernating yet!

FOZ

[CaptCrouton]

Don't forget the ventriloquist dummy.

But you don't need props. Just do that "Bear walking against the wind" routine.

[Fozzie Bear]

I tried the bear walking against the wind routine, but it blew me away.

I don't have a ventriloquist dummy. Strange, huh? A puppeteer and I don't own a dummy?

I guess it just isn't right, anyhow. A dummy owning a dummy?! It's illegal...

FOZ

[Drtooth]

How about Rubber Chicken accessories? Once the "Rubber chicken classic" makes it's return (gas jokes have pushed Woopie Cushions up several notches in comical props, but they were all dethrowned by..ahem... adult material!), these will soar off the shelves. I can see it now:

Rubber chicken top hat, cane, and tuxedo
Tourist Rubber chicken gear (camera, bermuda shorts, Hawaiian shirts, sunglasses)
comic Rubber chicken props (Groucho glasses, mini woopie cushion, a rubber human)

WHo knows! This may be big! This may even dethrown Barbies, for girls play time clothing fun! And it's for boys and girls, thus bridging the gender gap! Wottaya say?

[Fozzie Bear]

I LOVE THIS IDEA!!!! We've just found our fortune!! Quick! Get Palisades on the phone!!

OH, Keee-eeeen....

F:DZ

[Drtooth]

Thanx Foz, I knew you'd like it.

[Whatever]

Yeah, I'm gonna have a simple little service for it. Me, Muley, my turtle, Humphrey...
FOZ
Do you really have a turtle, Kev? My mom adores turtles.