FanFic: A Little Knight Music

[Muppet Newsgirl]

Well, gang, I've decided to post a story of my own, contribute to the delightful state of madness on the forum. It's a mystery, a comedy, a slice-of-life vignette and assorted other stuff.

Kermit and the others are getting ready to present a new play, a musical loosely based on the legend of King Arthur, with a decidedly Muppet twist. However, there is a mysterious criminal called the Killer Fish, who has been going around setting fire and/or wreaking havoc at area theaters. And the Muppet Theater is next on his (her?) hit list.

Will the show go on? Or will the Killer Fish make the show die before Statler and Waldorf have had a chance to heckle it?

The star of this one is, once again, Scooter. He's a popular lad, our Scooter.
The story also involves a newcomer to the cast at the theater, a girl named Nora.
Let me make something VERY clear. This story takes place in an alternate universe from Sadie's Stories, so if Scooter's friendship with Nora seems to be a bit more than platonic, don't panic or scream or throw any salvos at me, okay?;)
There are some other differences between Sadie's Stories and this one, but like I said, alternate universe.
All right, without further ado, here is the prologue of 'A Little Knight Music,' or its alternate title, 'Attack of the Killer Fish.'

---------

Prologue

"Yes…all right, Mr. Woodward, it'll be in tomorrow. I think we'll blow this scandal wide open yet." The reporter gently set the phone back down on the hook with a click and turned her attention back to the story files scattered all over her desk.

She picked one up and opened it, slowly but deliberately sifting through the articles in it.

No Suspects in Cambridge Theater Vandalism…'Fishy' Scent at Scene Baffles Police…Detectives Name Serial Attacker 'The Killer Fish;' Suspect's Whereabouts Unknown…

The phone rang again. "Hello?" The reporter asked in her usual clipped mid-Atlantic-with-traces-of-New Jersey accent.

"It's Leland," the somber male voice said on the other end.

The reporter sat up straighter, frowning. "It's hard to tell with someone like you, Leland, but I'm going to guess that something's happened."

"It's the Fish."

The reporter glanced over at the files. "Which theater was it?"

"The Kenworthy Place Theater. The place was torched, the sets and scripts ruined, and the whole place smelled like dead fish when the police got there."

The reporter nodded grimly. "It fits the pattern of what they saw up in Boston three years ago."

Leland sighed. "I think we know what the Fish is ultimately after."

"The one at number 10, Central Hunt Street. The one they used to call the Benny Vendergast Memorial Theater." The reporter tapped one of her pens on the desk.

"Right, and Closter's really starting to worry. He's got two godchildren working at that theater, and he promised their father on the man's deathbed that he'd keep them out of trouble."

The reporter glanced at her watch. "I can work the case from my end, but I can't really pull leave. We're investigating a huge mess involving the mayor, some prank calls and a huge vat of chocolate syrup."

"Right…hang on." Leland clamped his hand over the phone, but the reporter could hear him calling, "I want green peppers and extra mushrooms on mine. No anchovies, got it?" He picked the phone back up. "Sorry, got sidetracked."

"I'll start making phone calls. Keep me posted on whatever happens. And tell Closter to just keep an eye on the kids…how old are they now?"

"I think they're both sixteen." Leland said. "I have to go now."

The reporter put the phone back down and leaned back in thought. Outside in the night, thunder rumbled, signaling the end of the prologue and the start of act one.

[Muppet Newsgirl]

Act One, Scene One:


It was a rainy, torrential Saturday morning in September, the kind best spent inside before a roaring fire. Or perhaps on a gondola traveling through the streets, if the rain got bad enough. The weather reports predicted flash flooding in some areas, and there were already cases of downed power lines.

The Electric Mayhem would nearly have to strap pontoons to their bus to get to the Muppet Theater on Hunt Street, and everyone else involved with the theater would almost need scuba gear.

Scooter Hunt or Scooter Grosse, or even Scooter Hunt-Grosse, depending on which name you wanted to use for him, was among the first to arrive. The red-haired, bespectacled junior stage manager and gofer par excellence zipped into the parking lot on his skateboard. He usually rode his bicycle to the theater, but it was in the shop having its shifters repaired.

Scooter came to a stop and nearly skidded into the already flooded back alley. He gripped his skateboard under one arm, sloshed his way through the almost knee-high water ("Light drizzle, my Aunt Nancy," he thought grimly) and hurried up the steps to the side door. "If it rains any more we could bring a boat back here," he said to himself.

Dave Goelz and Jerry Nelson paddled by in a bright red rowing shell, with Richard Hunt acting as coxswain.

"Stroke! Stroke! Bail! Weigh enough! Dave, straighten up that right oar…how ya doing, Scooter?" Richard lowered his megaphone and waved up at Scooter.

"Wet!" Scooter called cheerfully.

"Yeah, well, join the club…we'll swing by later this afternoon if we don't drown!" Richard turned back to the others. "All right, back to it! Stroke! Stroke…iceberg right ahead!"

Okay, so it was actually the remains of a demolished Studebaker (not Fozzie's, by the way), but Scooter let the three yellow slicker and rain hat-clad sailors negotiate their way around the newly created channel as he went inside to the comparatively dry theater.

He clomped into the darkened backstage area, nearly slipping on a few puddles of water. A light coming from one of the upstairs offices told him that Kermit had already arrived. He peeled off his raincoat, dropped it on the coat rack down by the canteen, pulled off the black knee-high rain boots he had borrowed from his uncle and went to test the theater's circuit board and power supply. He flipped the switches back and forth: main stage, house lights, backstage one, backstage two, labs, furnace, control room.

"All circuits normal, boss," he called into his walkie-talkie. "We won't have to use the generator."

"That's good, Scooter. Bring up the house and stage lights. And dig out the scripts for this week's show, make sure everyone gets a copy as they come in," Kermit replied.

"Right, boss. Over and out." Scooter clipped his walkie-talkie to his belt, unzipped his backpack and pulled out his favorite green jacket. He threw it on, grabbed his clipboard and started turning on the house lights.

It was the start of another, though somewhat wetter than usual, day at the Muppet Theater.


-----

Here's the first little bit. More to follow soon, class/work schedules and mental energy permitting!

[super muppet]

Great Fan-Fic!! This Is A Great Story!! Great Job Muppet Newsgirl!

[Muppet Newsgirl]

Hey, thanks, super muppet. And there's a lot more where that came from.

I've got the whole thing pretty much typed up and saved on my computer's hard drive, so all I have to do is find time to upload it.

[super muppet]

I Can't Wait To Read The Next Part! Your A Great Writer!

[ReneeLouvier]

Oh my goodness! This is a great story, Muppet Newsgirl! I'm really liking this a whole lot!

And no, I won't tar and feather you because you're using Scooter. He's not my character at all! He's everyone's character!!

[Muppet Newsgirl]

I was going to save the next part for tomorrow, but since you asked so nicely...

Act One, Scene Two:

Later that afternoon, business was moderate down at the Coming Unbound bookshop and dramatic library on 33 West Henson Street, the main drag in the city. It was here that all the area theaters went to order in scripts for plays, ever since the shop's opening three years earlier.

Louise Farley, plump, fortyish and magenta-skinned with a brassy voice and a curly mop of blond hair, hammered away at the computer keyboard behind her desk, trying to make heads or tails of Coming Unbound's database of plays.

The phone on her desk rang. She snatched it up without bothering to take her pen out of her mouth. "Coming Unbound, where the play's the thing but the books are nice too, what can I do ya for?" She nodded curtly. "Uh-huh…yeah. Came in just yesterday…okay, I'll send my assistant by with them in a bit. Talk to ya later, greenstuff." She clapped the phone down on the hook.

"Nora? Nora!" Mrs. Farley screeched over one shoulder. "Got a job for you, kiddo!"

The teenaged Muppet came running out from the back room, juggling three boxes of books. "Yes, boss?" Nora dropped the books and shoved her dark blue bangs out of her face.

Mrs. Farley leaned over and hefted a box onto the desk. "Got a call from Kermit up at the theater. They want to do 'Crazy for You' for one of their next shows, and I had to order in the scripts for them." She pointed to the box. "Get the scripts up there, won't you? Also, there's a book on stage combat that needs to get up there, too. They're putting on some play called 'A Little Knight Music.'"

Nora glanced out the window, and her periwinkle-blue face fell. Rain poured down in sheets, and she could have sworn she had just seen Jim and Jane Henson rowing by in a gondola. "Can't I wait until the rain lets up?"

"Sorry, kiddo, Kermit needs the scripts and the book pronto. Just throw a garbage bag or something over the box." With that, Mrs. Farley turned back to re-programming the archive's database.

Nora groaned, hefted the box up and went to the back storage room, where she had stashed her raincoat and bike. She stuffed the box and book into a plastic bag, tethered it to her bike's basket and pulled on her two-sizes too large gray raincoat, a hand-me-down from her older brother Michael, now away at college.

She braced herself and pedaled outside. It was like being hit by several buckets of water. The Muppet Theater, if she remembered correctly, was at 10 Central Hunt Street. As she began to pedal through the driving rain, a bright red rowing shell passed her through one of the flooded alleyways.

"Stroke! Stroke!"

"All right, pull over, I want to be the coxswain for a while."

"Hold your horses, Dave, we agreed that we wouldn't change places until the corner of Casson Street and Harris Lane."

-----

Ten minutes later, Nora pedaled into the alley alongside the Muppet Theater, shivering, wet and muttering about turning to rust.

The door was propped open. She could hear music and a lot of loud banging and crashing coming from inside. She sighed. They must have a lot of fun in there, she thought.

Though an avid bookworm, and though she loved working at Coming Unbound, Nora secretly wanted to be one of the resident troupe at the Muppet Theater.

Come on, Nora, you've got work to do, she thought.

Nora chained her bike in the empty bike rack by the front door (she didn't dare park her bike in the back alley), hefted the plastic-covered box of scripts up and began climbing up the steps.

------

By this time, the theater was in its usual state of chaos.

"Uh, Kermit, we've got a problem. The Amazing Herbert and his Philosophizing Salamanders had to cancel," Scooter said grimly, surveying his clipboard. "They couldn't see the logic of doing the show."

"That's okay. What about Madame Braggadocio?"

"Laryngitis."

"The Invisible Man?"

"Nowhere to be found."

Kermit groaned. "What is it, Friday the thirteenth or something?"

"No, that was last week. We blew out twenty circuits and the roof collapsed that day, remember?"

"Fine…okay, listen, Scooter, move the Chowder and Marching Society to just after Gonzo's act, change the order of the first two musical numbers and get Anya LaRusse on the phone." Kermit said.

"Right…hold it, Chief, we've got two women named Anya LaRusse on file."

Kermit slapped his forehead. "I'd forgotten that."

"I think the one you want is the sax player from Paris. She's also Czar Nicholas II's great-granddaughter."

"Yes, that's her. See if she's willing to perform on this week's show, and maybe brainstorm some other acts we could book."

Scooter nodded, took out a pen and scribbled a few notes on his clipboard.

"But don't call Andy the Armadillo. He nearly tanked that staging of Jack and the Beanstalk, and we're still trying to repair the drywall in the dressing room. Speaking of which, could you call the contractor and ask where the heck our shipment of drywall is, though not exactly in those words?"

"I'm on it, head honcho."

"Thanks a lot, Scooter. You're worth your weight in gold…at least you would be if our budget around here was a little bigger." Kermit said. "All right, everyone, standby for 'Bella Bella,'" he called as he ran off.

[ReneeLouvier]

Ooh, this is just so cute!!! *squealing* I love it when Scooter's center-stage!!

[super muppet]

Awesome Story!! Your Doing A Great Job!!

[Muppet Newsgirl]

Oh my goodness! This is a great story, Muppet Newsgirl! I'm really liking this a whole lot!

And no, I won't tar and feather you because you're using Scooter. He's not my character at all! He's everyone's character!!

Very glad to hear you say so, Renee. I put all that stuff in at the beginning so that people who read Sadie's Stories wouldn't be confused by the apparently conflicting storylines and character arcs.

Of course, maybe I'm just overly cautious. Just ask my family; they'll drink to that.

[Muppet Newsgirl]

Act One, Scene Three:

"What? Sent by mistake to Outer Mongolia…three months. All right, Mr. Harcourt, thank you." Scooter hung up the phone, wondered at the red tape involved with contractors, and started pawing slowly through the "Potential Guest Star" files as a group of pigs in traditional Italian costumes nudged past.

Animal ran by, yelling "Woman! Woman!" Three of Lew Zealand's fish went sailing by, and one nearly smacked Scooter in the head. A huge explosion went off in the basement as Dr. Bunsen Honeydew appeared with a shell-shocked Beaker.

"Well, Beakie, I don't think we'll be using the radish-powered automatic salad spinner for a bit," Bunsen said lightly.

"Meep meep, meep meeeee," Beaker said, trembling, as the two went off.

Scooter sighed. What else was new? He picked up the phone to dial the blue-blooded sax player.

He suddenly heard a shriek and a loud thump at the bottom of the stairs. It was unusual enough to make him throw the phone back on the hook and run to see what had happened.

A pretty, blue-skinned girl lay sprawled on the floor just outside the canteen, a large book and a box of smaller books scattered all over her.

"Hey, are you all right?" Scooter asked as he ran down to help. He had nearly reached the bottom of the stairs when he slipped on something and fell. "Whoa! Ow…"

The girl sat up, rubbing her side. "I think that's what did it."

Scooter noticed a few banana peels sitting on the steps. "Fozzie…" He looked over at the girl. "I'm sorry, it's just that Fozzie was going through the banana sketch with Gags Beazley, and…well, you know."

"That's okay, I'm used to things falling apart where I work." The girl stood up, dusting off her raincoat. "I'm Nora. I'm from the Coming Unbound bookshop." She started scooping scripts back into the box.

"I'm Scooter. I'm the gofer and assistant stage manager," Scooter said as he helped Nora lift the box of scripts up. He looked over at her. "Don't you go to Philip Casson High School?"

"Yeah, I do," Nora said as they started climbing up. She winced as she felt a twinge of pain worm through her right ankle.

"Did you sprain something?" Scooter asked, concerned.

"Think so." Nora leaned over and clutched at her ankle.

"Okay, don't put your weight on it so much." Scooter pointed to a chair next to the curtains. "Wait there, make yourself comfortable, and I'll go grab the receipt for the scripts." Scooter took the book and the box of scripts and ran up the steps to Kermit's office.

Nora sat down on the chair, massaging her ankle and watching the hustle and bustle going on around her.

"And if Miss Piggy comes by muttering something about Gonzo and a watermelon, I'd suggest you run for cover," Scooter called over his shoulder.

"Got it," Nora answered cheerfully. Looks like I came in time, she thought with amusement, watching the company out on stage go through "Bella Bella." The cast was at the moment doing its level best to bungle the song, much to Kermit's dismay.

------

Scooter ran along the short hallway to Kermit's office, plunked the scripts and the book of stage combat down on a chair, and began ferreting through the stacks of paper on the desk for the receipt.

He eventually found it buried beneath a few playbills and a stack of takeout menus from House of the Rising Dim Sum.

That girl…Nora, that's what her name was…Scooter had only known her for a few minutes, but he was already thinking that they could be friends.

As Scooter ran out of Kermit's office, the cast from "Bella Bella" filed slowly offstage, and he could hear the Electric Mayhem already out on stage doing a number by Dire Straits. He handed Nora the receipt. "Here you go, let's make sure we're legal," he smiled sheepishly.

Nora took the receipt, scribbled a note on it and pocketed it. "Thanks," she said. "I guess I'd better be going now." She pushed the door open and found that the rain had pretty much turned into a typhoon-worthy deluge.

"How'd you get here?" Scooter asked.

"I rode my bike."

"I think you'd better wait here until it lets up. And we'd better bring your bike in." Scooter turned and went to grab his raincoat and boots. He and Nora ran (swam?) out into the torrents, which seemed even more like whole buckets of water pouring down. Nora unchained her bike, and Scooter helped her bring it through the alley and heft it up the steps and into the backstage area.

"So what do you do, Scooter?" Nora asked as they set her bike down next to the stairs leading up to the dressing rooms.

"Me? I gofer coffee, gofer sandwiches, better duck right now…"

"Huh?" Nora turned and quickly dove for cover as one of the Flying Zucchini Brothers went sailing overhead and smashed into one of the sets. Shards of plywood, canvas and Styrofoam flew everywhere.

"…I also tell the acts when it's time to get ready, and I help Kermit keep them in line," Scooter said, without missing a beat.

Nora smiled. "Would that be a straight line or a squiggly one?"

-------

Nora picked up the phone and punched in the number for Coming Unbound. "Boss? Listen, the rain's really bad, and it's not safe to bike in it now. The guys at the theater said I could hang around until the rain let up."

"Did they get the scripts?"

"Yes, boss."

"Fine, you were really hefting the hardcovers in the back room." Mrs. Farley rasped. "Besides, it's coming on near closing time, anyway."

Nora hung up and sat down to watch the proceedings while Scooter made the long-delayed phone call to Anya LaRusse, who said that she would be happy to appear on the show, just as long as she didn't have to share a dressing room with Miss Piggy.

-----

An hour later, the cast started to leave for the night. The Mayhem bus spat out a cloud of exhaust and roared off into the distance.

"Where do you live?" Scooter asked Nora.

"Over on the corner of Mullen and Prell, with my dad, grandmother, and three of four siblings."

"I'm up on Moss and Hunt, with my sister and our mom, aunt and uncle. Mind if I ride along?"

"Sure."

As Scooter and Nora started north, Richard, Dave and Jerry carried their rowing shell up the street, the flood having receded some time before.

"Good paddle, boys," Jerry said jovially. "We ought to do this again sometime."

"Yeah, we're supposed to get a nor'easter sometime in October, and the city hasn't fixed the storm drains yet." Richard took a deep breath and suddenly started hacking and coughing. "What's that smell?"

It was a foul, acrid, burning smell. The three men dropped the shell and ran two blocks east. What they saw made their eyes widen.

Fire spewed from the costume shop at the Jane Nebel Theater, destroying all the costumes that had been carefully made for the theater's upcoming tribute to Shakespeare. The scripts, sets and props were also lost, they would later learn.

The foul scents of smoke, ash and...dead fish hung in the air.

"Someone call Jim, Frank and Jane," Jerry said in a low voice.

The Killer Fish had struck again.

[ReneeLouvier]

OOH!!! Oh wow!! This is freaking AWESOME!!

[Muppet Newsgirl]

Stay tuned, Renee. Act two is coming up, and Nancy, J.P. and Sadie will all appear. I just need to edit some stuff.

[ReneeLouvier]

Oh my goodness....awesome!!! *squealing* YAYYY!!!!!!

[Muppet Newsgirl]

Act Two, Scene One:

They went along the rain-soaked sidewalk, Nora pedaling at a slow pace and Scooter riding next to her on his skateboard.

The two teenage Muppets soon began chatting nine to the dozen about everything: school, their jobs, their families and friends, what kind of music and movies they liked, and so on and so forth.

"Yeah, I know Richard Hunt. He comes into the shop all the time." Nora laughed. "He's so funny, I mean, some of the jokes he told to Mrs. Farley…" She squeezed her brakes as they came to an intersection. "Her brother didn't like him, though."

"Good grief." Scooter shook his head, wondering how anyone could not get along with one of the Muppets' greatest friends. "So who is he?"

"His name is Julius Knotworth. He's the president of the local literary and dramatics society. At least, I think he was," Nora said. "Very prim and proper, a firm supporter of the classics and the great works. Rather strict, too."

"Nice guy," Scooter said with the barest hint of sarcasm.

"Oh, he's not that bad," Nora laughed. "But about Mr. Hunt -- are you related? You both have the same last name and all that."

"Call him Richard. If you called him Mr. Hunt to his face he'd remind you that Mr. Hunt was his father."

"Right, right. I'm too polite for my own good sometimes. But are you two related?" Nora asked as she squeezed her hand brakes.

"No, a lot of people around here have the name Hunt. But he and my dad were best friends." Scooter said. "It's kind of weird; sometimes I'm listed as Scooter Grosse, and sometimes as Scooter Hunt." He shrugged. "So I just write my last name as Hunt-Grosse." He quickly zipped around a large puddle on the sidewalk. "Now, more about you. How many brothers and sisters do you have?"

"Two sisters, ages twelve and seven, and two brothers, ages nineteen and twelve."

"So two of them are twins."

"Yeah, Caitlin and Stuart. A handful, times two. With my big brother Mike out of the house I've got to keep them and Heather in line. You're lucky, Scooter. You just have a twin sister."

"I don't know; Skeeter has her moments."

They turned onto Prell Lane, went several meters and came to a stop in front of Nora's house, a largish brick number with blue shutters.

"Here we are," Nora said, "Casa Brandon."

Heather, seven years old and the youngest, came out the door and saw Scooter and Nora standing on the front path. She giggled. "Nora's got a boyfriend, Nora's got a boyfriend…"

Scooter blushed. Nora gave Heather a mock-serious look before running over and scooping her up. "And that's enough out of you, short stuff."

There was an explosion from the basement. Nora moaned and put Heather down. "They're at it again."

Caitlin and Stuart, the twins, emerged from the basement, coughing and choking.

"I told you, the fertilizer was supposed to go in last!" Caitlin protested.

"No, we were supposed to put the pureed radishes in last!" Stuart snapped.

"I don't care who misread the instructions, just go clean it up!" Nora shouted. The twins disappeared inside, grumbling as they went. "I'm sorry," Nora said. "Those two have been die-hard science geeks since day one, and they're always up to something in the basement."

Scooter smiled. "I don't think anything they do could top Bunsen or Beaker." He glanced at his watch. "I have to run; my aunt's going to have dinner ready soon. See you later, then." He got back on his skateboard and zipped off, waving behind him as he went.

Heather tugged on Nora's hand. "He's nice. I like him."

Nora smiled. "Me too. Now let's get inside before Caitlin and Stuart decide to blow something else up."

------

Scooter rolled up to the corner of Moss and Hunt, and to the three-story Victorian number his family came home to each night.

Scooter made a sharp turn up the front path just as Skeeter appeared from around the corner on her bike and did a forward flip over the handlebars.

"Hiya, little bro," Skeeter greeted him. "What'd I miss at the theater today?" Skeeter also worked at the Muppet Theater, but she'd had to take the day off to work on a school project.

Scooter began counting on his fingers. "One flood, three explosions, five mental breakdowns, two of which came from Kermit, and one citation from the health inspector."

Skeeter snorted. "That's all? Oh, well, must have been an off day." She wheeled her bike into the garage. "Did you hear about that fire down at the Jane Nebel?"

"No I didn't."

"Richard called me and told me all about it. Sounds like it was quite the inferno." Skeeter threw open the door. "Nanny, we're home!"

"Come in, dears," Nancy called from her studio in the sunroom. "Were the roads all right? Any more rain and we'd have seen an ark floating by."

Nancy Grosse, formerly Nancy C. Takashi, had been married to J.P. Grosse for about sixteen years. She had met J.P. when Sadie, having just lost her husband, called Nancy looking for assistance in raising her twins. Now, Nancy worked as an illustrator for one of the local arts magazines, but to Scooter and Skeeter, she would always be their Nanny.

A few minutes later, Sadie pulled into the driveway, home from work at the Observer, the town paper. Last of all was J.P. Grosse, Sadie's older brother. As he emerged from his car and slammed the door, he was talking on his cell phone.

"Now, I want you to lease out the electric company and the water works, sell off Atlantic and Pennsylvania and put all our bets onto Park Place and Boardwalk," he said gruffly as he came in the door.

"Oh, Jerry, you spend too much time with the business deals," Nancy chided gently as she took off her purple cardigan and spread it over the back of a chair. "Come on, everyone, dinner's almost ready."

-----

Sadie yawned and sat down in her chair. "It was a long day at the office. Lots of assignments and phone calls…and Renee Louvier contacted me."

"The author? What'd she want?" J.P. asked between bites of potato.

"Oh…she was working on an alternate history of our family…in which I lose Scooter and Skeeter for several years, and we're all being terrorized by my tyrannical boss who's actually some demon from the beyond…and J.P., you know where my children are but you won't let me see them…"

J.P. and Nancy started laughing. "Sadie, I know I'm your big brother, but would I do that to you?" J.P. asked.

"She's got quite the imagination," Nancy smiled. "But is Mr. Fleet that bad a boss?"

"No, he's excellent. We've been nominated for a few media awards because of him," Sadie said. "Besides, the name of the evil boss in Renee's story was Eli or something." She glanced over at her son. "And this guy's really got it in for you, Scooter."

"I'm flattered," Scooter said flatly. "What does he do, try to stick me with poisoned needles and call it an accident?"

"How'd you know?"

"She's got her storylines posted on some web site. She's good friends with some people called the Count, Skeeter Muppet, super muppet, Bill the Bubble Guy and a lot of other people…and some journalistic nutcase who calls herself Muppet Newsgirl."

"But get a load of this…she has you fall in love with her alter ego, a girl named Sara. Isn't that sweet?"

"I've got homework to do," Scooter said quickly as he stood up and took his empty plate to the kitchen. Skeeter followed with her plate as the adults started laughing genially.

Scooter frowned as he put his plate in the sink. "What was that all about?"

"Well, I guess the author just wanted to somehow connect her story to the others in the fan network," Skeeter whispered. "Don't worry about it. You know how fans are, they all want to tell their own versions of how we live."

"I see. Fans, they're kind of funny, aren't they?

"Why can't they be? Now come on, I think we've sidetracked the plot long enough. We need to get scene two up and running," Skeeter said.

[ReneeLouvier]

*faints* X_X

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!

*faints again* *bolts up laughing and squealing*

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!! THAT'S JUST SO AWESOME!!!! I'm absoutley loving this story!!

[Muppet Newsgirl]

(Scooter runs out onto stage holding a piece of paper.)

Scooter: I've just been asked to read a statement from the author. (clears throat) I, Muppet Newsgirl, do hereby disclaim any and all responsibility for any head injuries, rapid heart rates and/or terminal fits of giddiness that might be inflicted upon the readers during the course of this work. Thank you for your input and here now is act two, scene two of 'A Little Knight Music.' (looks up) How'd I do?

Muppet Newsgirl: Fine, just fine. Go get ready, you're on in ten.




Act Two, Scene Two:

"Come on in, Kermit's about to talk about the new play we're doing in a few weeks," Scooter whispered.

Nora edged her way in and sat down on the edge of the stage. She glanced out at the audience. Most of the company was gathered there, chattering, yelling, throwing paper airplanes and that sort of thing.

"Weirdoes, all weirdoes," Sam the Eagle muttered under his breath as he stalked in and took his seat.

"You guys seem to have all the fun," Nora whispered as Scooter sat down next to her.

"Well, it's a complete nuthouse around here half the time, but yeah, it is fun."

"How'd you get involved with these guys?"

"My uncle owns the theater." Scooter said. "When Skeeter and I were little, we'd kind of tag along and see what was going on here. And…well, at the risk of sounding horribly clichéd, I got a real thrill out of what went on. And I've wanted to be a part of it, even if it was just as the gofer."

"So what'd you do?"

"The day after my fourteenth birthday, I came down and asked Kermit if I could have a job." Scooter glanced over at Kermit, who was coming out onto the stage with a box of scripts. "I had to twist his arm a little bit, but he let me come aboard as a gofer. Later he let me be one of the actors."

"Wow."

"Later, Skeeter got in on the act. She's a gofer here too."

"Excuse me, could I have quiet, everyone?" Kermit asked over the din. "Quiet, please, people, I have an announcement."

The din continued. Kermit sighed resignedly.

"Excuse me, frog of my heart, but let moi handle it." Miss Piggy came to the front of the stage. "Would you turkeys just SHUT UP FOR TEN SECONDS!"

"So I said, like, I don't care if it's artistic, I'm not doing a nude spread on page three…" Janice noticed that everyone else had stopped talking. "Oh."

"The floor is yours, mon capitan," Miss Piggy said as she sat down to one side.

"Thanks, Piggy. All right, listen up, everyone. We'll be doing another book show in a month or so," Kermit announced. "It's called 'A Little Knight Music,' and it's a takeoff on the legend of King Arthur and Camelot."

A few curious murmurs swept through the audience.

"Now, this one will require a bit more preparation than the others. There's some technical stuff to get the hang of, a few musical and dance numbers, that sort of thing. But I promise, if we can pull it off it will look really great."

"When do we start auditions?" Fozzie asked.

"Tonight at seven, after everyone's had dinner."

"What kind of music is there?" Rowlf asked.

"It's your basic contemporary pop musical score, with medieval overtones."

"Will there be any sword fighting?" Gonzo asked eagerly.

"Lots."

"And…and catapults and castle invasions and really gruesome torture scenes?" Gonzo continued, gripping the back of the seat in front of him.

"Some. Any other questions…yes, Sam?"

"Kermit, will this production have any morally redeeming value?" Sam asked gruffly.

"Er…it should," Kermit said slowly. "Any more questions before I hand out the scripts?" The lights overhead buzzed out. "Clifford!"

"Don't look at me, Kerm, I just fixed those!" The magenta-skinned lighting director protested.

"Eeesh. Scooter, take a look at the circuit board, will you?"

"I'm on it, Chief." Scooter's red sneaker-clad feet padded away across the stage and into the backstage area.

Kermit gave Fozzie the scripts and told him to start handing them out, and sat down. "Nora, I have a favor to ask you."

"Anything I can do, Kermit."

"We're kind of short on female actors, and we need a young woman to play the part of Deirdre." Kermit said. "Would you be willing to audition?"

Nora's eyes widened. "Me? But I'm not a trained actor."

"No one around here is. But we make it work anyway. So what do you say? Can you do it?"

"Well...I think my grandmother would be okay with it. I'll do it."

Scooter came back. "I think someone's been playing with the circuit board."

"Hmm. Maybe the electrician was here or something," Kermit frowned. "All right, everyone, you've got the scripts. Be back here at seven."

[ReneeLouvier]

nice, nice as usual!!! *hugs Muppet Newsgirl tightly* I'm seriously loving this story!

More...please? Pretty please with a gofer on top?

[Muppet Newsgirl]

*chokes* Ack! Renee, I think you just broke a rib. Would that all my writing could receive an equally enthusiastic response (sure, I got a 100 on my all-essays English lit midterm, but that's another matter).

Yes, there is more coming up quite soon.

[ReneeLouvier]

Oooh....I'm really sorry. *pats Muppet Newsgirl gently on the shoulder* Sorry about that. Didn't mean to be so rough!

But seriously, I really do love this story. And not just cause it's Scooter either! It's really well thought out, a nice way to put it as if it were a play itself.

Personally, my favorite parts were the Muppeters rowing through the streets. I could honestly see Richard at the helm, yelling at them and laughing happily.

[Muppet Newsgirl]

This story is proof positive that a certain red-haired, orange-skinned gofer is quite a heartthrob.

If this has always been the case, I wonder if the other Muppeteers got jealous of Richard Hunt from time to time.

Act Two, Scene Three:

Nora opened the script and scanned through it, poring over the description of her intended role, Deirdre.

Deirdre was a sassy, sweet princess who had been booted out of her kingdom by her conniving older brother.

Nora scanned some of the lines. She felt a grin slowly spreading across her face. She could do this. She had years of practice of acting out plays with her siblings. That is, when they weren't trying to blow each other up or bore each other half to death.

She came back to Coming Unbound sometime later.

"Nora, where have you been? I needed someone to take some of the customers." Mrs. Farley said, frowning. There were five different pens stuck into her hair at odd angles.

"Sorry, boss…but I've just been asked to audition for a play." She showed her script to Mrs. Farley.

Mrs. Farley read the title of the script, and her eyes narrowed. "Nora, I don't think it's a good idea for you to be doing that."

Nora's eyes widened. "But I checked with my grandmother, and she says it's okay!"

"Nora, please. It's all right for you to go making deliveries to the Muppet Theater, but for you to be hanging around there and actually taking part in shows…" her voice trailed off. "It's not a good idea!"

"Why not?" Nora demanded, leaning forward on the desk. "It's not like I'm going to be walking over hot coals or anything!"

"Anything could happen to you! I've heard the kinds of things that go on up there! And I need you here as an assistant!"

"Then why did you send me up with deliveries?"

"Because a customer is a customer, and a paycheck is a paycheck!"

"Oh, so that's how it is? I thought you cared more about books and plays than dollars and cents!"

"Don't talk back to me that way! You're just a kid! What do you know about how things work?"

Nora slammed her fist on the desk. "I'm sixteen years old, Mrs. Farley! If I want to spend some of my spare time at the Muppet Theater, as a gofer, actor or stagehand, I'm going to and you can't stop me!"

There was a deadly silence, so deadly it ought to have been brought up on murder one.

"Fine. You can go to work at the Muppet Theater, but I'm going to have to curtail your wages." Mrs. Farley said primly. "Before you leave, there's a box of romance novels that just came in. Get them on the shelf. Now." She whirled around and turned back to the database.

Nora bit her lip and stomped off to the back room, fighting back angry tears.

----

Scooter stood outside, peering in through the shop window. He "just happened" to be passing by Coming Unbound on his way home to grab something to eat.

He had heard the entire angry exchange between Mrs. Farley and Nora. He felt a surge of sadness for Nora, and an urge to storm in there and give Mrs. Farley a piece of his mind.

He quickly snuck around to the back. He saw Nora through the open door, roughly hefting a box of novels. Her jaw was set in anger, but a few tears glistened in her eyes.

Scooter hesitantly knocked on the door.

"Customers have to come in through the front," Nora said bluntly as she turned around. She stopped. "Oh…Scooter."

"Are you okay?"

Nora nodded, and then shook her head. "You heard that, didn't you?"

"Yeah. She's being unreasonable. I mean, what you do outside of the shop is none of her business, right?"

Nora nodded.

"She may be your boss, but she's not your mother." Scooter cast a glance at the box. "Let me give you a hand with that."

"Okay…but, wait, if you come out from the back room, Mrs. Farley will start asking questions."

"Got it. I'll come in and pretend I'm there for the comics or something."

Scooter ran around front and came in the front door, just as Nora appeared from the back with the books. She plunked the box on the floor by one of the shelves in the back.

Scooter casually looked through some of the titles on the sci-fi shelf, waited until Mrs. Farley's back was turned, and nipped over to join Nora, now ruefully sliding the books onto the romance shelf.

"Thanks," she whispered.

Scooter took one of the books out of the box and made a face at the cover. "Who in their right mind would read this stuff?"

Nora smiled wanly. "I prefer mysteries, personally." She slid a few books with horribly clichéd titles like 'Flames of Amorous Passion' and 'Letters from the Broken Heart' on the shelf.

The bell over the door rang.

"Julius, how are you?"

"I'm fine, Louise, but you look frazzled."

Scooter looked over his shoulder. "Who's that?"

"That's Mr. Knotworth, Mrs. Farley's brother."

Julius Knotworth looked like a taller, male version of his sister, except his hair was black instead of blond. He carried himself across the shop with almost imperial posture. He glanced over and spotted Nora. "Why, Nora, you look down at the mouth."

Nora sighed. "I want to go to work at one of the theaters during my spare time, but your sister yelled at me for it. Then she docked my paycheck by a few dollars."

"Really, now?" Mr. Knotworth turned. "Louise, what is this? I think it's admirable that your young assistant wants to take part in the dramatic arts."

Scooter smirked; some of the stuff that went on at the Muppet Theater certainly wouldn't be construed as "art."

"I just don't think it's a good idea." Mrs. Farley said.

"Tsk. Nora, my dear, no paycheck can replace…the pensive soliloquy, the suspenseful dialogue, the verbal coup d'etat that will amaze and bewilder the patrons of the theater…"

By now, Scooter was practically convulsing with muffled laughter at Mr. Knotworth's absurdly pretentious ode to the performing arts.

"Mr. Knotworth, why aren't you at your meeting of the dramatics society?" Nora asked while silently gesturing to Scooter to get a hold of himself.

Mr. Knotworth sighed. "Well, Nora, I…decided to step aside. The society is going in directions that I never could have conceived. No matter, though, I still have many important things to oversee." He smiled at Nora. "Tread the boards if you will, young Nora, if that is what you so wish."

Mrs. Farley sighed.

Nora came up to the counter. "I've stocked the books, Mrs. Farley."

"Very good. You may go now," Mrs. Farley said coolly as she started to unload the cash register.

-----

"Nora, I never asked you something…I've met your brothers and sisters, and I know your dad's out of town, but where's your mom?"

Nora bit her lip. "She's over on Maury Street."

Scooter was about to ask what she meant by that, when he remembered that Maury Street was where the Rainbow Memories Cemetery was located.

"Oh. I'm sorry…when did she…"

"Right after Heather was born."

Scooter looked down at the ground and scuffed the toe of one sneaker against the sidewalk. "If it's any comfort, I know how you feel. My dad died when Skeeter and I were little. We don't remember him all that well but we still miss him. Mom does, too." He looked over at Nora. "What part are you auditioning for?"

Nora showed him the script. "Deirdre. I think she's a new character or something. What about you?"

"Kermit wants me to go in for Galahad." Scooter opened his script and quickly scanned the first page.

He flipped ahead a few pages and felt his cheeks go red. According to the script, Galahad was supposed to fall in love with Deirdre.

This is gonna be awkward, he thought.

[ReneeLouvier]

Eeeee!! Awesome! More, more, more! Ooh, and if you can, as you've said you've typed up the whole thing before posting, could you email it too me?

reneelouvier@gmail.com

I love to keep offline copies of stories.

[Muppet Newsgirl]

I'll see what I can do. The thing is, I've got the acts saved in six different files, and I still need to fill in some stuff on act six. Plus, I tend to edit some stuff as I cut and paste it from the Word documents into the Reply box, so I'd have to go back and edit the original text as well.

It's possible; it'd just take me a while.

[ReneeLouvier]

Thank you. I do not mind, take as much time as you like. Also I've written another chapter for "F.W." hope you like it, and I'll be off soon, as I'm getting tired and a bit cranky at how this stupid story of mine is coming out to be. X_X It's really hard to keep up with all this stuff, and I'm starting to make some HUGE mistakes.

[Muppet Newsgirl]

That's cool, that's cool.

I might as well tie up a few loose ends and post the end of act two.

Act Two, Scene Four:

One week later:

Clifford read out the roll. "King Arthur and Queen Guinevere will be played by, respectively, Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy."

Kermit smiled wanly, as Miss Piggy got up and did her "I want to thank my agent, and my hairdresser" act.

"Sir Bedivere will be played by Fozzie Bear."

"Wocka wocka!" Fozzie said gleefully as he stood up, doffed his hat and bowed.

"Sir Lancelot will be played by Gonzo the Great..."

Gonzo gasped. "Did ya hear that, Camilla?"

"…and Camilla will play Lady Elaine."

"Bawk…bawk…" Camilla clucked graciously.

"Sir Galahad will be played by Scooter Hunt-Grosse. Princess Deirdre will be played by Nora Brandon."

Scooter's eyes widened. Nora smiled and clapped her hands. A few in the audience laughed and whistled.

"As Vivian, a.k.a. the Lady of the Lake, Skeeter Hunt-Grosse. As Prince Tristram, Robin the Frog."

Skeeter gleefully punched the air with her fist. Robin hopped up and down on his chair.

"In the roles of Mordred and Morgan Le Fay, Link Hogthrob and Mildred Featherstone. Uncle Deadly will play Llandfyll the Unpleasant, Mordred's court wizard. Wayne will play King Cadogan, Deirdre and Tristram's older brother."

Beauregard came in, holding his mop. "Uh…have I missed anything?"

"Yeah. Beau, you're playing Gawain." Clifford resumed reading the list. "And the part of Merlin will be played by…hey, that's me!"

"Thanks, Clifford. All right, everyone, rehearsals start tomorrow," Kermit said. "Rowlf, you're the musical director. The Electric Mayhem and some additional musicians will be the pit band, as usual." Kermit had to raise his voice as police sirens blared past outside. "I want everyone rested and ready to rehearse!" He looked over at the door leading off to the alleyway. "Wonder where they're going in such a hurry?"

Someone turned on the radio.

"Police are investigating an incident of theft and vandalism at the Louise Gold Theater. Someone broke into the theater about an hour ago, emptied out the safe and cut the wires to the theater's power and lighting system. It also appeared that someone had attempted to set fire to the theater as well, but was interrupted."

Kermit frowned. "Isn't that where they were supposed to be doing 'As You Like It'?"

"One of the theater's maintenance workers discovered the theft and vandalism a short time ago," the announcer said.

The maintenance man's voice came on. "Yeah, I came in to do a checkup on the circuit board before the rehearsals, and when I got in there, the place reeked. Smelled like rotting fish. Anyways, after I got a gas mask I found that someone had hacked into the wiring system and the director's office. And then I found some matches and some kind of bottle with gasoline and rags in it right behind the furnace."

------

A short distance away, one gloved hand held a pen. The other hand held a list of theaters.

The pen moved over the list, swiftly crossing off 'Louise Gold.' Jane Nebel had come before, and before the Jane there were two others in the area, the Kenworthy and the Smiling Mask.

The hands' owner smiled a grim smile and counted the names left. The Not-So-Little Theater…the Grade Avenue Theater…and at the bottom, the biggest game in the hunt, the former Benny Vendergast Memorial Theater, now known as the Muppet Theater.

Soon, Kermit T. Frog…soon you and your miserable little troupe will feel the wrath of the Killer Fish.

-----

Okay, I think I'm going to have to stop there for the night. I think I saw lightning outside and I don't want to fry my hard drive.

[muppetwriter]

Wow!:)

The moment I started reading this fanfic, I was impressed, even with the title. So I guess this makes two "alternate realities" inspired by the "Sadie Stories". One being the reality that I developed for the "Marvelous Muppets", which isn't that different from the actual "Sadie Reality"; and the other being the one that Muppet Newsgirl created for this story, which (as I take it) is a more light-hearted version.;)

I'm dying to know who this "Killer Fish" is! Better yet, I'm dying to know how the Muppets are going to deal with such a sadistic character (who sounds like he belongs in my "Marvelous Muppets" universe).:excited:

This is really exciting, M.N.!!

[ReneeLouvier]

....wow...I'm quite....flattered now!

My stories are the basis for other alternate realities! My goodness!! ;) *is laughing happily* That's just plain awesome!

Oh, more story please Muppet Newsgirl!!!

[Muppet Newsgirl]

Muppet Newsgirl: First, thou shalt open the book of this most amusing show, then shalt thou count to act three. Three shalt be the number, and the number to be counted shalt be three. Four thou shalt not count, nor shalt thou count to two, unless thou dost then proceed to three. Five is right out…(Kermit reaches out and taps on M.N.'s shoulder) what is it?

Kermit: You're introducing the next act, not getting ready to launch the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch.

Gonzo: Holy hand grenade…hey, can we borrow that for the fight scene?

Kermit: No, Monty Python's used that already. Let's get the ball rolling.


Act Three, Scene One


As Kermit said, the rehearsals began the next day, Saturday, at ten o'clock.
However, most of the principals had to show up an hour early so Hilda could deal with them and their costumes.

"Hilda, how much longer?" Sir Bedivere (Fozzie) whined as he shifted around on a step stool in the wardrobe room.

"Shut up and quit fidgeting! I need to adjust this hem!" Hilda snapped as she stuck pins into the hem of Fozzie's tunic. She was in a foul (fowl?) mood, having just had to deal with Sir Lancelot (Gonzo).

Gonzo sat in a corner, passionately reciting a love sonnet to Camilla.

There came a knock on the stage door. "I'll get it!" And with that Sir Galahad (Scooter) flew out of the room, eager to be away from Hilda for a few seconds at least.

He pulled open the door.

"Am I late?" Nora asked brightly as she stepped inside out of the brisk early fall wind. "I had to drop Heather off at a scout meeting, and…"

"No, you're just in time. But it might have been better for you if you were a little late," Scooter smiled wanly. "Hilda's in a terrible mood, and…"

"Scooter, get back here, you're next! Nora, I want to see you, too!" Hilda snapped.

Scooter moaned and started to drag his feet back up the stairs, Nora following.

"The things I go through…" Hilda muttered as the two came in. She spotted them and tossed a bundle of something blue and white at Nora. "Nora, go into the back room and put that on. Scooter, up on the stool."

Nora ducked through a rear door and locked it behind her. She shook out the bundle that Hilda had thrown at her. It was a floor-length turquoise silk dress with a white collar and cuffs.

-----

Scooter had only been up on the stool for a few minutes, but it already felt like an eternity. As it turned out, his tunic had been made for someone taller, so Hilda had to adjust both the hem and the sleeves, which meant that Scooter had to stand there even longer with his arms outstretched.

Nora appeared from the back room, wearing the dress. Scooter glanced up to look at her…and glanced away quickly as he felt his cheeks turn red.

Hilda glanced up. "How does it fit?"

"Fits fine," Nora said.

"Good, one less thing for me to deal with...Scooter, stop twitching!"

Kermit appeared in the doorway, in full costume as King Arthur. "Excuse me, Hilda, I hate to interrupt but I need my knights so we can start act one."

Hilda snipped through one last thread and practically shoved Scooter off the stool. "Fine. Get out of here, all of you."

In their race for the door, the knights remarkably resembled a herd of stampeding wildebeests.

Clifford hurtled out of one of the spare rooms, wearing his moon and star-covered wizard's robe and hat. Skeeter emerged from another room, wearing a long silver and green robe.

In the pit, Rowlf was going over one of the numbers on the piano while Floyd and Janice tuned up their guitars. Miss Piggy already stood out on stage going over some of her lines.

Kermit ran out onto stage. "All right, places for act one!" There was a crash backstage. "Fozzie, what have I told you about leaving banana peels lying around?"

"I'm sorry, Kermit, but we've got the banana sketch almost down pat! Won't happen again," Fozzie called as he climbed up and stood next to the thrones.

"Do plays around here always start off like this?" Nora asked.

"You haven't seen the half of it," Scooter said.

[Muppet Newsgirl]

Act Three, Scene Two:

On the first page of the script, there was this plot summary.

At Camelot, things aren't going especially well. Arthur is having a terrible time keeping the Round Table organized, and remembering whether he's supposed to be going off in search of the Holy Grail or in search of Excalibur. On top of that, his relationship with Guinevere is suffering a bit. The queen is bored with court life and spends much of her time sitting around eating chocolates and listening to balladeers recite tawdry, torrid romances.

Lancelot is now madly in love with Elaine, and he spends nearly all his time with her, that is, when he's not engaged in death-defying feats of bravery (stupidity?). Bedivere's moonlighting as the court comedian, to pass the time between quests, and Galahad, the youngest of the Round Table knights, has a bad case of the royal blues.

There are two newcomers to the court: Princess Deirdre and her little brother, Prince Tristram, who have been kicked out of their kingdom by their power-hungry older brother, the newly-crowned King Cadogan.

Anyway, Mordred, an old nemesis of King Arthur, and his wife, Morgan Le Fay, have decided to launch an attack on Camelot, with the aid of their wizard, Llandfyll the Unpleasant, who has invented a terrible new weapon. It is up to the royal court at Camelot to stop Mordred and save their kingdom…and at the same time, learn what it really means to be the king, queen or knight.

The cast started rehearsing various scenes in the play, although they were mostly out of order.

The play opened with the principal and ensemble actors all assembled in the Great Hall at Camelot, singing a set-the-scene tune called "A New-Fashioned Story." The first scene had Kermit having a tense conference in the Great Hall with Skeeter and Clifford.

"Arthur, you should have saved the holy grail quest for next March. I mean, you're already backed up to here organizing that quest for Avalon," Clifford said sagely.

"I'd forgotten all about that," Kermit sighed. "Ever since I became king it's been one quest after another, and I keep forgetting what it is I'm supposed to be chasing after."

It was during this scene that Deirdre and Tristram (Nora and Robin) arrived at Camelot.

"Deirdre, Tristram, good to see you. How's old King Edgar?" Kermit asked.

Nora sighed. "Dead. The jester said he'd die laughing at his latest joke, and, well…he did."

"That's terrible. So who's the king now?"

"Our oldest brother, Cadogan the Slimy. He's since kicked Tristram and me out of Nether Millstone, on pain of death."

"So, um, we were wondering if we could seek sanctuary here for a bit," Robin piped up.

----

The Great Hall soon gave way to the castle courtyard. A wide set of stone steps led up to the castle entrance. Fozzie sat on the steps reading a joke book, and Gonzo stood next to a catapult at stage right.

"Oh, fair Elaine," Gonzo said rapturously, "won't you sit and watch your knight in shining tinfoil shoot himself over yonder parapet for you?"

Camilla clucked appreciatively, preening her green silk cap and veil.

Gonzo hopped onto the catapult. "Gawain! Hurry up and wind this thing up, will you?"

Beauregard hurried in from the wings and started straining at the catapult's crank. Scooter emerged from inside the castle and sat down on the steps, playing blues riffs on a harmonica. The catapult started to creak ominously. Fozzie looked up from his book and Scooter stopped playing in mid-note. The catapult arm creaked back farther…and then Beauregard let it go.

"Wooo-hoooo!" Gonzo yelled as the catapult flung him off. Fozzie and Scooter winced as there came the smash of breaking glass offstage. Beauregard blanched and ran off.

Scooter shielded his eyes and glanced off into the distance. "Uh, wasn't he supposed to miss the chapel's rose window?"

"Actually it's an improvement," Fozzie said. "He landed in the cow paddock last time."

"Good point."

Off in the distance, there were yells of "How dare you interrupt moi while moi is at church, buzzard beak!"

Scooter looked out at the audience. "Just another normal day in King Arthur's court, folks." He looked down at his harmonica, sighed and glumly slipped it into his tunic pocket.

Camilla flapped over, landed on the steps and gently nudged Scooter's arm. "Bawk…bawwwk?"

"Yeah, I'm okay, Elaine. I'm just having second thoughts about this whole knight-in-shining-armor deal."

Gonzo appeared from stage right, his tunic in shreds and his nose bent out of shape. "Man, that was great! Probably my best yet! Applaud me, my sweet Elaine! Commend me, Bedivere and Galahad!"

"Lancelot, I heard Guinevere saying the other day that if you keep up those stunts like that she'll have you drawn and quartered," Fozzie warned.

"Come on, it's this English weather. We can't go out jousting or questing, so I've gotta do something," Gonzo protested, shaking a few shards of stained glass out of his hair and readjusting his nose as he climbed up the steps and sat down. "And so what if the chapel window was an exact replica of the one at some cathedral in France, what do they call it, Notre Dame or something."

"I thought you said you didn't do windows," Fozzie said.

"I've done everything else in this courtyard, so why not? Let old Queenie Guinnie threaten me," Gonzo said airily.

Fozzie looked down at his joke book. "Say, did you hear the one about the horse and the rubber chicken?"

Gonzo wasn't listening. "I swear, she's such a --"

"The queen's coming!" Beauregard yelled from offstage.

Gonzo quickly pretended to be whispering sweet nothings to Camilla. Fozzie immediately went back to his joke book. Scooter whipped a recorder out from where it hid in his tunic sleeve and started playing 'Greensleeves.' Beauregard came back outside and started doing a cat's cradle with a long piece of string.

Miss Piggy came outside, wearing an ornate yellow silk dress and a long robe. She gave Gonzo a dirty look before glancing around at the other knights.

"Sweet Galahad, that song is quite dated and melancholy. Won't vous favor us with 'Some Enchanted Evening?'" she asked sweetly.

Scooter turned to the audience and made a face, but started playing Miss Piggy's request. The porcine queen of England and of Camelot started sashaying around the courtyard, humming along, before she went inside to converse with "my sweet Artie-pie."

As soon as Miss Piggy left, Scooter took a deep breath and started playing something slower and sadder.

"Hey, Gally, you're really sinking the mood around here. Heck, compared to you, Hamlet looks like a party animal," Gonzo said.

"He's right you know. What's going on?" Fozzie asked. "You've been moping around like this for three days straight."

Scooter stopped playing and lowered his recorder. "I don't know, guys. I'm just wondering what it's all worth."

"What do you mean?" Fozzie asked. "I mean, come on, the knight business is the best in the kingdom. Other than being court jester, I mean, wouldn't trade that for the world."

"That's just it, the knight business. We ride around, we slay the occasional demonic beast, we pledge our loyalty to good looking girls, we get written up in ballads that'll actually pass as serious literature a thousand years from now…but what's it all for?"

Gonzo laughed. "So go out and rescue yourself a damsel or something. That'll make you feel better."

"You don't understand, Lancelot. Besides, damsels don't want to be rescued these days, they want to be the ones doing the rescuing." Scooter sighed. "Plus, the good ones are all taken."

Kermit could be heard just offstage, talking to Nora and Robin. Fozzie quickly turned. "The king's coming! Quick, pretend you're practicing!"

Scooter and Gonzo leapt to their feet and drew their swords, with Fozzie calling out directions. "And lunge! Buckle! Parry!"

"Perry who?" Gonzo asked.

"Uh, Perry the miller's son. You know, the guy who owns that bar and grill down on Threadneedle Street."

"Oh, yeah, the shepherd's pie there is to die for. And the hot wings!"

"Bawk!"

"But the barmaids' wings aren't nearly as hot as yours, Elaine," Gonzo said quickly.

Kermit appeared from stage right with Nora and Robin. "It's okay, boys, it's your day off." He came forward on the steps. "I'd like you to meet Princess Deirdre and Prince Tristram of Nether Millstone. Deirdre, Tristram, meet Sir Bedivere…"

"Hi," Fozzie said cheerfully.

"Sir Gawain..."

"Hello," Beauregard said.

"Sir Lancelot and his girlfriend, Lady Elaine…"

Gonzo bowed extravagantly. Camilla clucked softly.

"And Sir Galahad."

Scooter nodded in greeting.

-------

The action shifted back to the throne room, and into a musical number about how life at the castle needed to get back to the way it used to be. The big crescendo was interrupted by a knock at the castle doors. Kermit, Fozzie, Gonzo and Scooter nearly trampled one another in their haste to answer it.

"I'll get it, I'm expecting a copy of 'Jousting for Dummies!'"

"No, I'll get it, that iron maiden I ordered is supposed to arrive today!"

"It's probably my uncle!"

"I'll answer it, because…er…well, because I'm the king."

Kermit yanked the door open. "Hmm. No one's there."

And then a brick went sailing through one of the castle windows. It clattered on the floor in a shower of glass.

Skeeter picked up the brick and read the note attached to it. "'Dear Arthur, King of the Britons, Lord of Camelot and the Round Table, etc. etc.: I'm about to heat things up where you are. I've decided that things have gotten too peaceful here in England, so Morgan and I are going to stage an attack on Camelot, and you won't be able to stop us. Since I'm such a good sport, I'll give you, Guinevere and your knights forty-eight hours to get your royal rears in gear if you want to try and fight us. Insert evil maniacal laugh here. Your old chum, Mordred.'"

Kermit moaned. "He's at it again."

Another brick came sailing through the window. Skeeter picked it up. "Here's a post-script. 'By the way, where's that lawnmower you borrowed from me last spring, you toad?'"

Kermit yelled at the window, "You'll get it as soon as you return my weed-whacker, pork brains!"

The green-skinned king went sailing across the room, as a result of a karate chop from his queen. "Say that again in front of me and I'll knock you from here to the next eventide!" Miss Piggy snapped.

"I'm sorry, Guin, I'm sorry! That was directed at him!" Kermit protested. He looked up. "Boys…and Guin, Vivian and Elaine…we're going on a road trip." He sat up, rubbing a bruise.

"Road trip!" Gonzo yelled gleefully as he, Fozzie and Scooter exchanged high-fives.

"Can we come too, Uncle -- I mean, King Arthur?" Robin asked.


"Yeah, we know our way around Mordred's territory," Nora said. "What are we doing, storming his castle?"

"This is a medieval fantasy. Of course we're storming his castle," Kermit said firmly. Gonzo started jumping up and down, by now completely in the throes of ecstasy.

Clifford tapped his fingers on the arm of one of the thrones. "If I remember correctly, Mordred typically likes to hold some kind of ball the night before he invades a kingdom. It gives him a puffed-up sense of self-worth. I think that'd be the best time to strike him."

"Indeed." Miss Piggy turned to the knights. "In that case, dear knights and ladies, bring something nice. Lancelot, that doesn't mean powder blue polyester."

"Aw, geez." Gonzo scuffed one foot against the floor. The other knights started upstairs to pack.

----

"All right everyone, we'll rehearse the end of act one later. Right now, everyone take a breather, and we'll work on the torture, ball and final fight scenes in act two," Kermit said.

Everyone went off to take five. Nora went backstage to grab a bottle of water from her backpack.

"Nora," a voice said behind her. Nora turned. Mrs. Farley stood hesitantly in the doorway, clutching her purse.

"Hello, Mrs. Farley," Nora said flatly.

Mrs. Farley looked around at the backstage area, at the costumes dangling off the stairway and the props lying underfoot. Out on the stage, one could hear Scooter and Floyd doing a quick rendition of "Mr. Bassman."

"I wanted to apologize for how I yelled at you yesterday," Mrs. Farley said quietly. "It wasn't my place to do that."

Nora didn't look up.

"I truly am sorry, Nora," Mrs. Farley said, a bit more urgently.

Nora looked up, slowly turned her gaze to Mrs. Farley, and nodded slowly.

"Well you don't mean a thing, when the leader's singing, when he goes ay-yi--LOOK OUT!" Scooter and Floyd dove for cover as a fairly substantial piece of scenery came loose from its moorings and crashed to the stage.

By 'dove for cover,' we mean 'did a most impressive stage dive into the band pit.'

"Beauregard!" Kermit yelled.

"I'm sorry, boss, I had it secured earlier!"

Floyd removed himself from Animal's partially demolished drum kit. "Nice dive, Scooter. You're ready to play CBGB."

Scooter untangled himself from a mass of amplifier wires, stood up and brushed dust off the front of his tunic. "We're okay, boss…ow!" He suddenly bent over and clutched at his ankle.

Kermit looked up and sniffed the air. There was a faint smell coming from the catwalk over the stage. He couldn't identify it outright, but it smelled vaguely fishy.

"Hey, Kermit, have a look at this," Skeeter said as she picked up the end of one of the cables.

It looked like something had partially cut through the cables holding the scenery up.

Nora frowned. "Hey, boss, did you see---"

But Mrs. Farley had already left.

[super muppet]

Excellent Story!!! You Are A Great Writer!!

[Muppet Newsgirl]

Thank you, thank you. You know, the scene with Fozzie, Gonzo and Scooter in the courtyard at Camelot was one of my favorites to write.

More madness to come soon, I promise.

[Muppet Newsgirl]

The server on my end's a little slow tonight, and I had to finish up an essay for a 300-level French class, but here's scene three.

Ever notice that Scooter pretty much never appeared in the 'At the Dance' segments on 'The Muppet Show?' Well, if you wanted to see the gofer take his turn on the floor, here's your chance.

Scooter: (peeking out from behind curtain) Do I have to do this?

Muppet Newsgirl: While I feel your discomfort, as a fellow certified two-left footer, you still have to do that scene.

Nora: Come on, Scooter, it won't be that bad...will it?

Scooter: All right, I'll do it, but we need to give Miss Piggy and Kermit some running room. I got clocked in the head at that last rehearsal and I have the high-heel marks on my head to prove it.

Muppet Newsgirl: Get going, both of you.

Scooter and Nora: (in unison) Yes, Chief.

Act Three, Scene Three:

There was a break, during which the stagehands got the fallen scenery cleaned up.

For most of the afternoon, the cast went through the act two scenes, like the group's travels through Mordred's territory, their capture and imprisonment, the torture scene and the group's eventual escape.

"This is rough," Fozzie said as the stagehands moved the racks, pillories and cauldron offstage. "We should have done something easy, like 'Paradise Lost.'"

And then came the ball scene at Mordred's castle. In the play, Mordred would host a ball the night before he invaded Camelot, and King Arthur and the others would have to crash the ball in order to save the kingdom.

Because it involved actual dancing, it was the scene that Scooter dreaded the most. True, most of the Muppets had two left feet, but that didn't stop the feelings of dread from coming.

Polly Naise, the house choreographer and second-biggest battleaxe, sat on the edge of the band pit, beating time with a stick and silently asking why she had to coach a crew of slue-footed Muppets in medieval costumes through the tango.

"All right, and one, two, one, two…Gonzo, tuck your arms in! You're not a chicken! And two, and spin out and…Piggy, Kermit's supposed to lead, and spin back in, and one, two, one, two…Fozzie! Stop clomping about like an epileptic Clydesdale!"

Fozzie nodded and proceeded to (very) awkwardly dip the female Whatnot who had been assigned as his partner.

Scooter and Nora were at the back of the set, slowly going through the tango's motions.

"Scooter! Nora! The audience can't see you if you're back there! Get up to stage front!"

"Come on." Nora led Scooter by the hand to the front of the stage. "You're really tense," she whispered. "Loosen up. Pretend there's no one else there."

"Okay, right." Scooter carefully spun Nora out, spun her back in and dipped her just as Miss Piggy swung Kermit around in mid-air.

"Uh, Piggy, I think you're getting a little carried away…Piggy, would you…whooooaaa!"

Scooter brought Nora back up. They winced as Kermit went flying into Fozzie and his partner, and into Gonzo and Camilla.

The bear, the whatever, the chicken and the Whatnot fell to the floor in a tangle of tunics and court dresses. Polly started screaming and hollering, but Miss Piggy simply grabbed Kermit and started whirling him around again.

Scooter and Nora decided not to take any chances and made a run for it…but Kermit went flying across the stage and smacked into them, knocking them over.

Miss Piggy struck a pose in her diaphanous pink ball dress…and then realized that she had sent King Arthur and all his knights sprawling.

"Oh…Artie…" she cooed.

"Don't 'Oh Artie' me," Kermit groaned. He stood up, readjusted his crown and brushed the dust off of his white linen and gold lame tunic. "Everyone, take five! Or ten or fifteen!" Kermit turned and walked offstage. Polly reached into her bag and pulled out a very large bottle of what looked suspiciously like VSOP cognac.

Nora sat up and glanced down at herself. There was a large rip in her dress from where she had caught herself on a chair while falling.

"My back…" Scooter moaned.

"Are you going to make it?"

"I don't know."

Nora cleared her throat and pretended to dictate a death certificate. "Cause of death, internal injuries suffered from a blunt theater director."

-----

It turned out that all of the costumes needed to be mended. Hilda carried an armload of silk, satin, cotton and linen off to her workshop, muttering under her breath about "daredevil layabouts with no sense of propriety."

Nora emerged from one of the dressing rooms, buttoning up her safari jacket.

The side door flew open and Caitlin and Stuart came running into the backstage area.

"What are you two doing here?" Nora asked.

Caitlin stared at Nora from behind coke-bottle glasses. "Come on, sis, we just wanted to meet Dr. Honeydew and Beaker."

"Did someone say our names?" Bunsen asked as he and Beaker came up from the basement. "Come, join us, you're just in time to assist with our latest project."

"Meep, meep," Beaker nodded.

Caitlin and Stuart high-fived each other. "Thanks, Dr. Honeydew, thanks, Beaker," they chorused.

Nora watched as her two younger twin siblings eagerly followed Bunsen and Beaker down into the lab.

"Come on, Scooter, let's see if we can get that tango taken care of," she said.

"Do we have to?"

"Aw, come on, it means fewer insults thrown our way at the next rehearsal."

Scooter sighed, but took the soundtrack out of the stereo by Kermit's desk (they kept a copy of the soundtrack for rehearsals when the band wasn't available) and followed Nora down to the basement.

This was where they kept the set from the At the Dance segments, with the pale blue backdrop and the crystal chandelier.

Scooter popped the disc into the stereo in the room and pressed 'play.'

The energetic yet vaguely ominous lute and accordion music started to play as Scooter and Nora started to tango across the room.

"How did it go…right, right…two, three, and spin…" Scooter spun Nora out, "and…two, three, two, three…boy, it's a wonder people don't get whiplash doing this."

Nora took on the gruff voice of the guard at Mordred's castle. "You're not from around here, are you, Sir Knight? What's your name?"

Scooter laughed. "Hey, you sounded just like Sweetums." He cleared his throat and delivered Galahad's response. "Er…Sir Richard, of the kingdom of Closter." He and Nora came to a stop and changed direction.

Nora gleefully tossed her head as Scooter dipped her. "Lady Louise, of the kingdom of Elstree," she said in an exaggerated upper crust British accent, "and if you don't let Sir Richard and myself in, my father's court wizard will unleash seven plagues on you."

"I thought it was five plagues and two pestilences of biblical proportions."

"Whatever."

"And I thought the threat included causing all the firstborn males in the court to come down with chronic…"

"You're about to crash us into Gonzo's cannon."

"Huh?" Scooter quickly turned himself and Nora around.

Two bars later, the tango came to an end with Scooter and Nora in the middle of the floor.

"I didn't step on your feet, did I?" Scooter asked.

"No, you didn't." Nora brushed her bangs out of her eyes.

"I'm a certified two-left-footer. Did you take lessons once? You're pretty good."

"Me? Heck no, I've never seen the inside of a dance studio in my life." Nora tossed her braids back over her shoulders.

The music on the stereo gave way to one of the later musical numbers, the melancholy, introspective, mandatory power ballad.

Scooter and Nora looked over at the stereo. "This doesn't come until act two so we don't really…" Nora's voice trailed off as she and Scooter looked back at each other. "Ah, what the heck."

The two started to slow-dance where they stood, but as the music picked up energy, with an electric guitar solo, they actually started to waltz around the room.

This isn't so bad at all, Scooter thought. I actually like this. He suddenly realized that he had his arm wrapped around Nora's waist.

Me too, Nora thought. She realized that she was starting to lean into Scooter's shoulder.

Even Polly would have approved of Scooter and Nora's footwork, but that wouldn't have stopped her from yelling "Wrong foot!" and "I've seen cows more graceful than that!"

------

A figure crept into the canteen. The canteen had an entrance from the outside, and it was probably the one door that the Muppets kept forgetting to lock.

The figure heard music coming from across the hallway. A look through the door on the opposite side showed two teens waltzing (rather gracefully, in sharp contrast to what usually went on onstage) to some of the music from 'A Little Knight Music.'

The figure scowled and took out the little incendiary device, stuck it behind the counter and quietly left.

But wait…there was something else that needed to be done.

The figure took out a little spray bottle, opened the air vent on the wall and started spraying the bottle's contents into the vent.

-----

End of Act Three. And things are going to get a lot more chaotic shortly.

[ReneeLouvier]

Ooh!! I feel I'm beginning to sound repetative here.
But everything you write is just...perfect in my opinion. Everything...most anyone writes on here is just GREAT! I hope Scooter isn't hurt too bad though!!

[super muppet]

Cool Story!!! Your Doing A Great Job!

[Muppet Newsgirl]

Relax, Renee, Scooter doesn't get hurt in act four. Beyond that, I can't tell you.

[Muppet Newsgirl]

(Little Jerry and the Monotones walk out onto the stage.)

Jerry: First we saw act number one, lots of rainy fun…
Chrissy: Then came number two, with 'Knight' music too…
Richard: Along came act three, a royal sight to see…
Jeffy: And here comes yet one more…this act gives us four!

Monotones: 1,2,3,4, Muppet Newsgirl, tell us more!

Muppet Newsgirl: Thank you boys, thank you. Hang on to your hats, people, this one's a real bang-up act.

Crazy Harry: (popping up out of nowhere) Did someone say bang?

M.N., Monotones and rest of cast: NO!

(Explosion)

M.N.: (cough, choke) Act four, scene one. And someone shoot a tranquilizer dart at Crazy Harry, for Pete's sake!

Act Four, Scene One:

The music came to a slow stop, with Scooter and Nora looking into each other's eyes in typical lovelorn youth style.

"That was fun," Nora smiled. She suddenly lifted her head up and wrinkled her nose. "Is it just me, or does it smell like an open-air fish market in here?"

Scooter sniffed the air and waved one hand in front of his nose. "Maybe Lew Zealand's practicing with his fish again…but they usually don't make that much of a smell…"

The lights blew out as an explosion rocked the theater. A huge cloud of smoke swept into the room. The smoke alarms started to screech and wail.

"What was that?" Nora screamed.

"I'd say it was Crazy Harry. Let's get out of here!" Scooter coughed as he and Nora made a run for the stairs.

The smoke had permeated the backstage area. "Everyone outside NOW!" Kermit yelled over the din of the alarms. "Miss Piggy, forget your purse, you can come back for it later!"

Scooter and Nora found themselves being swept along by a throng of Muppets making their way toward the alley entrance. Miss Piggy, Sam, Wayne and Wanda had handkerchiefs clutched over their faces. What looked like four goggle-eyed Koozebanians were actually Bunsen, Beaker, Caitlin and Stuart in gas masks.

"You tell me…over and over and over again my friend…" Floyd was singing, "You don't believe…we're on the eve of des-truction!"

The cast poured out into the alley.

"Wow. Kermit's always saying that our popularity's exploded, but I didn't think he meant it this way," Fozzie remarked to Gonzo.

Caitlin and Stuart yanked off their gas masks and started fanning themselves.

"Did you two have anything to do with this?" Nora demanded.

Stuart rolled his eyes. "Nora, do you have to blame every single explosion and mishap on us?"

"Yeah, sis, you're so paranoid you oughta go to work for the CIA," Caitlin added.

"I resent that, Caitlin," Nora muttered.

"Now, Nora, your siblings were assisting us with our latest project, and doing a very good job of it, too," Bunsen said lightly. "The explosion came from elsewhere in the theater."

"Meep, meep…" Beaker said.

Everyone stood back and watched as the firefighters came in and checked over whatever damage there might have been.

"Nothing burned, Kermit," Rowlf said a short time later. "But they found a high-powered smoke bomb of some kind in the canteen."

Scooter took off his glasses and wiped the fog and soot off of them. As he did so, he realized something.

Crazy Harry wasn't there that day. He was out of town at a Pyromaniacs Anonymous meeting.

So if it wasn't Crazy Harry…who was it?

------

That evening, up in his room, Scooter found himself unable to concentrate on his guitar practice. His fingers kept slipping off the frets as he wormed his way through "The Sound of Silence."

"But my words…like silent raindrops fell…and…" Scooter hit yet another wrong chord. He took his hand off the frets and slapped his forehead in weary disgust. He had learned this song from Paul Simon himself when he appeared on the show, for the love of Lord Grade!

He looked down at his guitar. He'd have to put new strings on it eventually. With a sigh, he set it back in its case.

As he came downstairs, Skeeter ran out of the kitchen into the living room, holding a large bowl of peanut butter and garlic popcorn. She vaulted over the back of the sofa, landed with a thump on "her" side and grabbed the remote.

Skeeter didn't show worry or fear as easily as her brother did. She was just as worried as he was about the smoke bomb; she just didn't show it.

"Come on, Scooter, the concert starts in a few minutes!" she called as she switched on the television and set it to channel 6. That night, Little Jerry and the Monotones were doing a televised show from the Maury Amphitheater.

Scooter climbed over the back of the sofa and sat down on his side. He took a handful of popcorn from the bowl and munched on it.

On the screen, the Monotones were taking the stage amid the energetic screams of a thousand spectators.

Jerry scooped up his guitar. "All right, guys, let's ring up the Telephone Rock!"

-----

"We interrupt for a Muppet News Flash," said the voice of the Muppet Newsman about twenty minutes into the concert.

Skeeter nearly spat out her mouthful of popcorn. "Hey, no fair, they were just about to do 'Danger!'"

The Newsman appeared on the screen, the teletype going at full tilt in the background, even though the media relied mainly on computers to bring in news wires these days.

"Twenty people had to be rushed to the hospital earlier today in a suspected case of mass food poisoning," the Newsman said. "The Not-So-Little Theater on the corner of Henson Street and Lazer Lane was placed on lockdown after its cast suddenly fell ill. Our own Alotta Hogwash is live at the scene with a report."

Skeeter and Scooter leaned forward, frowning.

"Mr. Juhl, can you tell us what happened?" Alotta Hogwash asked.

"Well…we were rehearsing for (ulp) tomorrow's adaptation of Hamlet, called (gulp) 'Elsinore Street Blues.' We had a lunch break, and (ulp, gulp) afterwards people started feeling really, really…" Mr. Juhl suddenly clamped his hand over his mouth and ran offscreen. There was the sound of something splatting all over the pavement. Alotta made a face.

"Mr. Juhl, will the show go on as planned?"

"No…" More splatting.

-----

At her house, Nora was also watching the news.

"In other news, the Grade Avenue Theater has had to be closed for renovation. A water main leaked all over the theater, damaging the stage and audience areas, as well the costumes, scenery, props and scripts for the theater's upcoming production of 'Orpheus and Eurydice.'"

The on-scene reporter appeared on the screen, discussing the incident. In the background, someone could be heard yelling, "It's your fault! You said the seven-letter M word during rehearsals yesterday!"

"You mean Macbeth?"

"Don't say it again!" There came the sound of a hand coming into contact with a face at high velocity.

The director snorted. "It's terrible, you know. We needed all sorts of special props for this show, and that mock-up of the Fillmore East we had built…we just can't up and move the play, we'd have to wait for the theater to be repaired."

One of the actors trudged up, with a bright red palm print on his face. "Yeah, and aired out, too. It smelled like my brother's fish tank in there!"

Behind the reporter, Nora could see someone taking a good long look at the burst water main. The person looked very familiar, for some reason.

"The police believe that the two incidents are the work of the Killer Fish, who has conducted similar attacks on area theaters in the last two months," the Newsman said.

At the words 'Killer Fish,' Nora sat straight up. The Killer Fish?

"Nora?" Heather looked up from her picture book and tugged at Nora's sleeve. "You look scared, big sis."

"Yeah, Nora, you look like a zombie. What's wrong?" Caitlin asked laconically as she glanced up from her science homework.

"Nothing. It's nothing, Cait," Nora said in an unusually hollow voice. Caitlin shrugged and went back to her chapter on photosynthesis.

------

Back at the Grosse/Hunt house, the news gave way to the Monotones concert.

This time, Scooter and Skeeter weren't watching with rapt attention. They were thinking.

Skeeter began counting on her fingers. "The fire at the Jane Nebel…the vandalism at the Louise Gold…the flood at the Grade…the food poisoning at the Not-So-Little Theater…"

Scooter remembered the smoke bomb that had gone off while he and Nora were practicing the ball scene in the basement.

The Killer Fish…Scooter clearly remembered the foul smell of dead fish hanging in the air right before the bomb went off.

Skeeter picked up the remote and adjusted the volume as the band launched into 'With Every Beat of My Heart.' She looked over at her brother. "What do you think, Scooter…Scooter?"

Scooter didn't say anything.

He was thinking about the other theater fires (and floods and hack-jobs), and how much damage they had caused.

"He's going to try again," Scooter said in a low voice.

The look on Skeeter's face told him that she had been thinking the exact same thing the whole time.

[super muppet]

Wow Great Story!!! This Is Quite A Story!

[ReneeLouvier]

Ooh...great job! Really loving how it's turning out.

[Muppet Newsgirl]

Act Four, Scene Two:

Around midnight, the call came in. Scooter flew out of bed and made a run for the phone.

"Hello?"

It was Kermit. "Scooter, there's been a fire at the theater!"

"What?"

"Yes, it's an actual fire this time, not a smoke bomb. Get down here."

"Right, boss." Scooter threw the phone back onto the hook and ran to grab his jacket. "Skeeter, let's go, there's been a fire!"

Skeeter ran from her room, pulling on her jacket. The twins ran downstairs two at a time and out the door.

"First a smoke bomb, now this. Somebody's got it in for us," Skeeter said ruefully as she jumped onto her bike.

"No kidding," Scooter agreed as he wheeled his bike (it had just come back from the shop) out of the garage and climbed on.

As they sped off down Hunt Street, Nora appeared from Prell Lane on her bike. She looked frightened. She hadn't had time to put her hair back up into its braids; it streamed out behind her like a banner.

For a fleeting moment, Scooter considered suggesting that she leave her hair like that…then he remembered that someone had just tried to turn the Muppet Theater into an oversized hibachi grill.

As they pedaled, a soft red glow started to appear in the distance. The group pedaled faster toward it, praying that it wouldn't be too catastrophic. At the same time, though, they feared the worst.

And then they smelled it. Underneath the smell of smoke…there was the faint odor of dead fish.

------

"Bring in more hoses!" One of the firefighters shouted over a megaphone. "Everyone else, keep back!"

Orange-red flames spewed out of the canteen entrance to the theater as Scooter, Skeeter and Nora came up.

Kermit stood by in his bathrobe, staring in disbelief and despair at the flames. Miss Piggy clutched his arm and sniffled into her handkerchief.

"Horrible…" Kermit moaned. "Horrible."

Fozzie and Gonzo stood by, jaws dangling open. From his perch atop Sweetums' shoulders, Robin shuddered with fear.

Nora looked over at Scooter. He neither moved nor spoke…but the terrified look in his eyes made Nora think that he was actually going to break down and cry right there.

On her left, Skeeter nervously shifted from one foot to the other, tapping absent-mindedly at her bike's bell.

The firefighters turned on the hoses, sending a gigantic jet of water into the canteen. A hiss and a plume of smoke emerged from the door.

The Electric Mayhem bus roared up. Floyd sleepily looked out one of the windows. "Hey, did someone bring in the Mothers of Invention or something?"

"Like, wow, that's really not cool, man," Janice shook her head.

"Fire! Fire! Burn-up! Burn-up!" Animal yelled.

"Animal, chill out, man, chill out!" Floyd yanked at Animal's chain.

Thankfully, it was only the canteen that had been torched. Apparently, one of the neighbors called the police before the arsonist could do any more damage. The stage and seating areas, and the sets, costumes and props, were all undamaged.

"Now what?" Gonzo asked.

"Well, the theater's okay…but the Swedish Chef and Gladys are going to have to find a new place to cook and serve for the time being," Kermit said.

One of the police officers went through the wreckage with the fire marshal, trying to find any clues about the blaze.

"Did they see anyone leaving the scene?" Kermit asked one of the officers.

"We're looking into that. The owner of the music store down the street said he saw a tall yellow-scaled Koozebanian in a black trench coat running away from the theater," a female officer said.

"Yellow-scaled Koozebanian…" Kermit racked his brains. "Hmm, doesn't sound like anyone we know."

The officer going through the canteen wreckage leaned over and picked up a pair of gold-rimmed spectacles, and the case they had come in.

Nora felt her blood run cold.

"Those are Mrs. Farley's glasses," she said, trembling.

Scooter stared at her. "Are you sure?"

Nora nodded, swallowing.

After asking Nora to make a quick statement, the officer put the glasses and case into a plastic bag and handed it off to another officer…who then quietly handed it off to someone in a trench coat and fedora.

The someone went over to where four other like-dressed someones stood. They nodded in unison and disappeared into the night.

------

There was a knock at the door. Mrs. Farley went to answer, pulling on her dressing gown.

"All right, all right, I'm coming. What time is it?" She opened the door and stopped. There were five men in trench coats and fedoras standing on her step. They all looked like stereotypical private eyes, with their hats pulled down over their eyes and their coat collars turned up to hide their faces.

"Louise Margaret Knotworth Farley?" one of the men asked formally.

"Y-yes? What can I do for you?"

"You need to come with us, please."

------

[ReneeLouvier]

Ooh...Mrs. Farley. Awesome.

[super muppet]

Excellent Story!!! You Are A Great Writer!!

[Muppet Newsgirl]

This scene doesn't really have Scooter or the others in it, but it's very important. Bear with me.

Act Four, Scene Three:

"Louise, what's going on?" Mr. Farley called sleepily in the background.

"I…it's nothing, Herbert, I need to go someplace important. I'll be back soon," Mrs. Farley called uneasily as she grabbed her purse.

-----

They escorted her down to a waiting black van. One of the five, whom the others called Burbank, got into the driver's seat while the others climbed into the back with her.

Twenty minutes later, the van pulled into the alley, not outside the police station, as Mrs. Farley expected, but outside Jim's Coffee Shop on Hunt Street, directly across from the Muppet Theater.

Smoke still rose from the smoldering canteen, and Scooter, Skeeter, Nora, Kermit and the others still lingered outside.

The men escorted Mrs. Farley inside through a side door and silently passed through the darkened seating area. Mrs. Farley timidly glanced around at the walls. They were covered with photos and posters of the Muppets.

They went behind the bar. The leader moved aside a large framed poster from The Muppet Show, revealing a door with an intercom in it.

The leader pressed a button on the intercom.

"Please state your code name and password," an electronic voice said.

"Code name, Leland. Password, Rezal-evad-gib."

The door clicked open, and they all went down a flight of stairs into the darkened basement. A bank of computer terminals, assorted radio equipment and a bright red rowing shell fitted out for two rowers and a coxswain took up part of the room.

They took Mrs. Farley into a dimly lit side room with a table and chairs in it.

"Sit," Leland said, pointing to a chair on one side of the table.

Mrs. Farley did so, by now completely confused and fearful.

Leland sat down opposite her, while the others stood by the door. He took out a plastic evidence bag and placed it on the table. The bag contained a pair of glasses and a case.

"Do you recognize these, Mrs. Farley?"

"Yes…they're my glasses. I couldn't find them earlier today."

"The police found them at the scene of the latest attack. Your assistant, Eleanor Jane Brandon, positively identified them as being yours."

"I don't understand, Mr. Leland," she said timidly.

"Mrs. Farley, please try to cooperate," Leland said gently but firmly. "There's a lot at stake, and we have every reason to believe that criminal activity was involved."

"But I honestly don't know what happened, apart from what I've heard on the news."

"Four theaters burnt. One company falls ill with food poisoning. Another theater gets flooded and a seventh is vandalized. This is definitely a case of serial sabotage," said one of the men in the background. Mrs. Farley could just see a pair of glasses glinting on his face as he spoke.

Another one of the men came forward. He sat down, leaned back and parked his feet in their white-with-blue-stripes Adidas sneakers on the table. "Tell me, Mrs. Farley, does the smell of fish mean anything to you?"

"Closter, get your feet off the table," Leland chided.

Closter snorted. "You talk like my mother," he said before relocating his feet. "Fish, Mrs. Farley. Does it mean anything to you?"

"Fish? What on earth do you mean?" Mrs. Farley frowned. "No one in my family eats fish. We can't stand the smell of it." She wrinkled her nose.

"Just that. At each of the scenes, there was a distinctly fishy smell in the air," Leland said.

Mrs. Farley shook her head of blond curls and looked around anxiously.

"We call him the Killer Fish," explained one of the other men, who went under the name of Hereford. "As in, 'Attack of the Killer Fish,' ever go see it?" He took off his horn-rimmed glasses and polished them.

"Though he could also be a she," volunteered another, who was called Tulsa. "Either way, the Fish operates in ways we don't understand," he said in a sage manner.

"Earth to Tulsa: we knew that, otherwise we'd all be off having a nightcap instead of questioning the librarian here," said Burbank. Mrs. Farley mentally bristled.

"Come on, Burbs, it's not like we have bigger fish to fry," Closter remarked as he tilted his head back a bit, showing part of a clean-shaven, relatively young face.

There were snickers all around at the "bigger fish to fry" joke.

Leland leaned closer, revealing the outline of a bushy beard in the dim light. "Mrs. Farley, please. Your assistant and her friend could be in danger."

"I know…I told Nora that it would be better if she didn't get involved with those people," Mrs. Farley sniffled as she brought out a handkerchief. "But no…she's got a strong will and she loves the theater, so I had to let her go…and I think she's in love with that boy."

Leland nodded. Closter had been drumming his fingers on the chair arm; he suddenly stopped.

"I'm frightened, Mr. Leland," Mrs. Farley whispered.

Leland nodded. An alarm went off elsewhere. Mrs. Farley trembled and started to slump forward.

"Hereford, Burbank, Closter, Tulsa, you boys go back to the control room, I'll help her out," Leland said.

"No, Leland, you've been putting in the overtime. Go upstairs and get yourself a cup of coffee," Hereford said as he moved forward. "I'll take her home."

-------

Leland watched as Hereford escorted Mrs. Farley up the stairs and out the door, then picked up the phone and dialed a number at a paper just outside of New York.

"Leland?" The reporter from the prologue picked up almost immediately.

"Yes. It's happened."

"I picked it up over my police scanner. No one was hurt, right?"

"Everyone's fine; the damage wasn't too extensive."

The reporter sighed. "They were lucky. But the Fish is going to try again, you know that."

"All too well. But you know those other theaters don't exactly fit the smash-and-burn pattern," Leland sighed. "We did find a pair of glasses."

"Glasses? As in, reading glasses?"

"Yeah. They belong to the owner of the Coming Unbound bookshop down on Henson."

"What kind of condition were they in?"

"Pretty good, actually." There was no answer on the other end. "Hello?"

"Do you think the Killer Fish is changing tactics to throw the police off?" There was a momentary tremor in the reporter's voice.

"Clearly. This guy is nasty, Ms…"

"Don't say my name! I can't reveal my name until the end!" The reporter said quickly.

"Sorry, sorry."

"Is Closter still worried? About the godchildren, I mean?"

"He's trying not to show it. He's being the usual little caper-cutting loudmouth in public…but he's definitely worried. We're all worried now."

"When is that show?"

"First Saturday in November."

"I'll try to come out there before then," the reporter said firmly. "I just got my rail pass updated." She paused. "What do you think, Leland? Do you think…do you think he's turning into a bona fide psychopath?"

"I do. I think it's only a matter of time before he actually decides to try and kill someone as well."

-------

Burbank tapped his fingers against a police report on the counter. "I hate to judge before all the facts are in, but I still have my suspicions about that Farley woman. She lived in Boston up until three years ago, and she left just after the Fish hit those three theaters in the area."

"I agree," Tulsa said solemnly. "Either she's directly involved or she knows something. But we don't know for certain yet. Besides, she doesn't look much like a Koozebanian to me."

The door opened upstairs, and Closter's blue and white Adidas appeared on the basement stairs.

"Well, Closter?" Burbank asked as Closter descended the stairs and came over.

Closter held a sheaf of computer printouts in one hand and a glass of orange juice in the other. "Got confirmation from one of our experts. Old Fish-face fits the 'whiny little toad' profile to a T." Closter proudly showed them the printouts.

"Hey, don't use toad that way. It's an insult to our amphibian friends." Tulsa chided.

"Okay, how about…whiny little worm?"

"No, they'd object over on Sesame Street," Burbank mused.

Closter muttered something under his breath. "All right, how's this? Whiny little brat."

"That'll do. Brats come in all species…and all ages," Tulsa smiled, giving Closter a knowing look.

"Are you implying something?" Closter raised one eyebrow as he took a sip of juice.

"Yes, he's implying that we need to come up with some way to reel the Fish in," Burbank said.

"One step ahead of you, my man. The boss just told me that he's got a great scheme planned."

"Tell us."

"Okay, but I'll have to keep it down, or the readers will hear us and that'll spoil the ending."

The three men began whispering. The only words that anyone eavesdropping could have picked up were "theater," "attack," "green coat" and "bluebell."

-----

Scooter and co. will be back in the next scene.

[ReneeLouvier]

OOOHHHHH!!! I love it!! I know who the secret men are, but I won't say at all....ooohhh!! It's just so awesome!

[Muppet Newsgirl]

Heh, heh...I dropped in some fairly obvious hints.

[Muppet Newsgirl]

Here it is, last part of act four. After this, things are going to start getting a tad creepy...as if they weren't already.

Act Four, Scene Four:

At the Grosse/Hunt house, Sadie stood in the upstairs hallway in her pajamas and robe, pacing back and forth.

"Sadie, it's almost one o'clock. You'd better get some sleep," Nancy said gently.

Sadie didn't look up.

"Sadie, you'll work yourself into a tailspin if you keep fretting like this. The kids will be home soon, you know that," Nancy said, more urgently.

"I can't help it, Nancy," Sadie said.

Nancy looked sadly at her sister-in-law.

"With this maniac running around…I'm scared that I'm going to lose my children just like I lost my husband," Sadie said as she looked down at the floor.

"Sadie…Adam wouldn't want you to fret like this, would he?" J.P. asked as he came out of his and Nancy's room.

Sadie stared out the window. "It's at times like this when I really wish Adam was still alive. He…he was the best crime reporter the Observer had to offer. He could have smoked the Fish out in two blinks of an eye."

She took a deep breath and looked at the wedding photo on the side table. It showed her, eighteen years younger and a bit thinner, with much longer red hair. She looked a lot like Skeeter, right down to the sprinkle of freckles across her nose and the mischievous grin.

Standing by her side in the photo was the man she had married. Scooter had clearly inherited his father's appearance and eager-to-please personality.

Downstairs, the front door creaked open. Scooter and Skeeter crept in, silent, brooding and carrying the faint scent of smoke with them.

Sadie spotted them and ran down the stairs. "Kids, are you all right?"

"Fine, just fine," Skeeter said, coughing. "I smell like a smoked sausage."

"What happened?" J.P. asked. "How much of an insurance premium do I owe on that heap this time?"

"Relax, Uncle, it was just the canteen that got torched. They've got a police patrol keeping an eye on the place now," Scooter said as he took off his jacket.

"No one was hurt?"

"No…but I think the police want to arrest Nora's boss. They found her glasses at the scene."

"That's terrible," Sadie said.

Nancy came forward in her usual all-business manner. "All right, all right, enough horror stories for one night. Back to bed, all of you. Scooter, Skeeter, you've got school tomorrow. J.P., Sadie, you have to work. I have to keep going on that one illustration for next week's issue. Back to bed, now, hop to it."

The lights clicked off in the upstairs hallway as the adults disappeared back into their rooms.

Skeeter went straight back to bed, although she insisted on taking her softball bat to bed with her.

Scooter collapsed in one of the chairs at the dining room table and rested his head on his arms.

Who is this guy, he asked himself. Why does he hate us so much?

Scooter was desperate for answers. And he wasn't going to wait for the Fish to strike again in order to get them.

The Muppet Theater meant the world to him. He didn't want to lose it.

Scooter went into the kitchen, made himself a mug of hot cocoa and carried it up to his room, turning off the light behind him as he went.

He needed to talk to someone. He needed some advice. Advice from someone who knew how to deal with annoying, destructive vandal types.

Scooter knew, as he walked into his room, that Richard and the others usually wouldn't be available at that time of the night. But there was something he could do tonight.

Feeling vaguely like the wireless operator on the Titanic, Scooter sat down at his desk, booted up his computer and took a long swig of cocoa. Then he started to type out an e-mail to a friend of his in England.


To: The Wild Impresario (crazygenius89@faff.co.uk)
From: Scooter Hunt-Grosse (goferboy@mup-thtr.com)
Subject: URGENT: We've got trouble

Wild:

We've got a real problem over here. Some psycho called the Killer Fish has been going around vandalizing all the theaters in town, and the Muppet Theater got torched only a few hours ago (nothing more than the canteen was damaged, by the way). We're starting to get really scared now.

You've had lots of experience dealing with Farkas Faffner, so can you give us any advice on what to do now, and what kind of creep we're dealing with? We're doing 'A Little Knight Music' in just over a week and we don't want to cancel.

Tell Lady Fughetta, Riff, Mimi and the others I said hello.

Scooter



Scooter pressed the send button, logged off and turned off the computer. He finished his cocoa and took a rueful glance out the window, as if expecting someone to be standing on the sidewalk down below, before climbing back into bed and pulling the covers up.

He didn't expect to be able to immediately fall asleep. But sleep claimed him within ten seconds of his head hitting the pillow.

------

End of Act Four

[ReneeLouvier]

Ooh, I like, I like! ;) Very awesome having Wild be Scooter's friend. It really makes a lot of sense.

Please don't torch me, but are you reffereing to Richard's brother perhaps? Adam, as in Adam Hunt? Awesome if you are.

[Muppet Newsgirl]

Yeah, I was referring to Adam Hunt there.

Wild's response to Scooter's e-mail will come in act five, scene one.

[ReneeLouvier]

*notices your here then you aren't suddenly* Your internet just blips in and out dosn't it?

That's awesome though! ;) Can't wait to read Act Five, Scene One. I really love how it's put out as a play outline. It's really nice.

[Muppet Newsgirl]

No, my connection was just fine. I just logged off and then a few minutes later decided to log on again, that's all.

[Muppet Newsgirl]

(A dagger flies out of the wings and stabs into the opposite wall. Appropriately ominous music plays. There is a note tied to the dagger's handle, and the author's voice in the background reads it.)

Dear readers:

I am hiding in an undisclosed location for my own safety. The Killer Fish is about to launch another attack on the Muppet Theater, and it is during this act that we learn the deranged criminal's identity and motives.

Here now is act five, scene one of 'A Little Knight Music.'

I remain, Muppet Newsgirl.


Act Five, Scene One:

Scooter was running through the darkened back hallways of the theater. Ahead of him ran a faceless, soulless creature nearly twice his size in a long black coat.

He looked down at himself. He was wearing his Galahad costume, and he had a sword in his hand.

The Killer Fish took a sharp turn to the right and ran up the stairs to the catwalk. Scooter followed.

He ran out onto the catwalk and came to a stop. The Fish was gone.

Scooter looked around frantically, and he happened to glance down at the stage.

Everyone else sat in the audience, stone still like a group of statues. They didn't move or talk. They didn't see anything.

The whole scene swam before Scooter's eyes, and he quickly tore his gaze back up. He hated going up on the catwalk because of his longtime fear of heights.

"Come to fight me, Scooter?" an unearthly voice asked behind him.

Scooter whirled around and saw the Fish standing right behind him. The criminal's face indeed looked like that of a yellow-scaled Koozebanian…but at the same time it looked different, for some reason he couldn't explain.

The Fish held a long, gleaming sword in his hand.

Scooter narrowed his eyes and tightened his grip on his sword. "What kind of a monster are you?"

"I'm no monster. I'm doing this for the common good. Now come and fight me, little boy," the Fish taunted.

Scooter raised his sword, and with a loud samurai-type yell, went running at the Fish.

The Fish calmly raised his own sword and swiped it down at the young gofer.

"AAAAH!" Scooter dropped to his knees, clutching his shoulder. A trickle of blood leaked out from between his fingers.

The Fish strode forward and snatched Scooter up by his collar. "You and your friends were foolish to meddle with the likes of me. You would fail in the end no matter what. You're completely worthless, Scooter Hunt-Grosse. Completely worthless." And with that the Fish threw Scooter over the edge of the catwalk.

Down, down Scooter fell toward the stage. But there was no stage anymore, just a bottomless black pit.

The Fish's high-pitched, mocking laughter echoed all over the theater.

Scooter continued falling…

------

"No!" Scooter's eyes snapped open and he sat bolt upright, clutching at the covers. His breath came in ragged gasps and his pajamas were damp with sweat.

He slumped forward, clutching his knees to his chest. He trembled violently. I can't take it anymore. I just can't take it anymore.

There came a knock at the door. "Scooter? Scooter, are you all right?" Skeeter opened the door, holding her softball bat. "I heard you screaming."

"I'm fine, Skeeter. I just had a nightmare. Go back to sleep."

Skeeter looked uncertain, but closed the door.

Scooter gazed dizzily around the room, at his desk and computer, at his guitar case leaning up against the desk, at the posters on the wall.

He reached up and gingerly touched his left shoulder, where the Fish had cut him with the sword in the nightmare. There was nothing there, just his shoulder inside the sleeve of his pajama jacket.

The fear and the after-effects of the nightmare started to slowly subside.

It's all right…you're in your own room. The Fish isn't here. You're safe.

It was just after five in the morning. Scooter lay back down and tried to go back to sleep…and then he remembered that in eight hours he had a world history test at school.

So what else was new?

------

In the morning, Scooter checked his e-mail before school.

Lo and behold, there was a response.


To: Scooter Hunt-Grosse (goferboy@mup-thtr.com)
From: The Wild Impresario (crazygenius89@faff.co.uk)
Subject: Re: URGENT: We've got trouble

Scooter:

I have heard about the troubles on your side of the pond, and I think it's simply terrible. Interestingly enough, someone else contacted me with that very same question. Can't say who, though. He wanted to remain anonymous.

Judging from what I've heard, I can give you a profile of the Killer Fish. It's not the buildings themselves he's attacking, it's something associated with them. Something he hates with a passion. It's often because he didn't get his way with something in the past. He's a whiny little coward, basically, just like old Farkas.

There is a connection between the theaters that were attacked. Find out what it is, and you'll catch the Fish.

Lady Fughetta, Riff and Mimi send their love, and we'll all be in town on the opening night of 'A Little Knight Music.'…oooh, how I love music.

Take care,

Wild

P.S. The play's the thing.


The play's the thing… Scooter frowned and tapped one finger on the keyboard.

"Hey, Scooter, have a look at this," Skeeter said as she came into the room holding the day's paper. "They've released a composite sketch of the Killer Fish. The police talked to witnesses from the other theater attacks, and they all pretty much saw the same person."

She showed Scooter the paper. The sketch showed a Koozebanian with leathery scales, large, black, goggle-like eyes and a long flexible snout.

Scooter frowned. It didn't look like any Koozebanian he knew from working at the theater...but something clicked somewhere in his mind about the sketch.

However, a note said that some of the witnesses saw a Koozebanian with yellow scales, while others saw one with green scales.

Either way, the witnesses all said that for some strange reason, the attacker's face looked "fake," or "false," "like he wasn't real," the note said.

-----

[ReneeLouvier]

oh wow. awesome!

[Muppet Newsgirl]

Let me just point out that no Koozebanians, Whatnots or any other law-abiding Muppets will be harmed or harassed during the act.

However, that only applies to the outside community; when it comes to the Kermit and the gang at the theater vs. the Killer Fish, things might get dicey.

Just thought I'd throw that in there. Scene two coming up eventually.

[super muppet]

This Story Is Great!!

I Can't Wait Until Scene Two!!!

[Muppet Newsgirl]

Act Five, Scene Two:

Several hours later at Philip Casson High School, Mrs. Kenworthy's one o'clock world history class was quietly scribbling its way through a test on 19th century Asian history.

All right, so half the class was quietly scribbling its way through the test; the other half had either fallen asleep or was staring in despair at the test paper.

Scooter wrote in a few more short answers, stopped, and tapped his pencil on the paper as he tried to remember all of the tenets of the Treaty of Kanagawa. His pencil came to a stop in mid-tap as he realized something.

The composite sketch the police had released to the public showed a yellow, goggle-eyed Koozebanian. In fact, there was some confusion over whether the Killer Fish was a yellow Koozebanian or a green one.

But…when Bunsen and Beaker and the two Brandon twins went running through the smoke-filled backstage area in their gas masks after the smoke bomb attack, Scooter had thought that they looked like a group of Koozebanians.

Gas masks sold in the area came in a variety of colors, including yellow and green.

Scooter squeezed his eyes shut, trying to remember his nightmare. The Killer Fish's face did look an awful lot like a gas mask, now that he thought about it. And the composite sketch of the Fish had almost the same shape and features of the gas masks the Muppets used for one play about World War I.

The witnesses who claimed to have seen a Koozebanian running away from the ruined theaters could very easily have seen someone wearing a gas mask.

Scooter penciled in the last answer, handed in his test and left the room. He went outside to the schoolyard where he found Skeeter sitting on the front steps, her science class having let out early.

There were only a few students in the schoolyard at the moment. Most were in classes, and the ones who had a free hour usually spent it inside. It was a drab, cold, late October day with a hint of rain in the air.

"Skeeter, you remember when we did that World War I skit on Veteran's Day last year?" Scooter asked as he sat down on the steps.

"Yeah, that was the one where we played doughboys on the receiving end of a laughing gas attack," Skeeter grinned. "The DAR actually liked it, but Sam pretty much had a fit over it." Skeeter laughed at the memory of the right-winged eagle raging at Kermit and the rest of the cast after the show.

"You remember the gas masks we used for that skit?"

"Yeah, we borrowed them from Bunsen and Beaker." Skeeter looked over at her brother. "What's with the sudden fascination with gas masks, little bro?"

"The people who saw the Killer Fish running away…I think they actually saw someone wearing a gas mask."

Skeeter's eyes widened. "Holy cow, I think you're right. They said in the paper that the Fish's face looked kind of fake."

Nora emerged from inside. Her face was set in a frown that might have become permanent.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I was just talking to Mr. Russell, the English lit teacher."

"What'd he say? Did he give you a bad grade or something?"

"No, he just said something unusual." She looked up. "It's nothing. What have I missed?"

"We were discussing the Fish," Skeeter said. "We think it's some guy in a gas mask."

Scooter slumped forward and rested his chin on his knees. "We've got a physical description, but nothing else. No name, no motive, no opportunity, no means, no way."

"We need to know more about him. Why he's trying to burn us, drown us, frighten us or blow us all to kingdom come," Nora said as she parked her books on the steps and sat down.

"Well, Crazy Harry's pretty much done that last part," Skeeter drummed her fingers on the railing.

Scooter sat back up and pushed his glasses farther up on his nose. "I sent an e-mail to Wild last night."

"Did you? How is he?" Skeeter asked.

"Well, it looks like Farkas hasn't blown up Faffner Hall yet, so it looks like everyone's doing well."

"Wait, you're losing me here," Nora said. "Who's Wild, who's Farkas and what's Faffner Hall?"

"Wild is the Wild Impresario. He's a friend of ours over in England. Farkas Faffner is the jerk who keeps trying to destroy Faffner Hall…"

"Which is one of the best-known music schools in England," Skeeter finished. "Does that clear things up for you, Nora?"

"It does, thanks," Nora smiled.

"What'd he tell you, Scooter?" Skeeter brushed her bangs out of her eyes.

"He told me that there's some kind of link between the wrecked theaters. It's got nothing to do with the theaters themselves, but something else," Scooter explained. "It's something that the Killer Fish really, really hates."

"Judging from that pause in your voice, he said something else as well," Nora mused.

"He also said, 'the play's the thing.'"

The three thought for a moment.

And then, Nora said quietly, "You notice something about the plays the other theaters were going to put on?" She pulled out a piece of paper and began scribbling on it. "At the Jane Nebel, it was 'Midsummer Night's Dream,' set in Studio 54. At the Louise Gold, it was 'As You Like It,' set in Beverly Hills. At the Grade, it was 'Orpheus and Eurydice,' set in upstate New York in the late 1960s. At the Not-So-Little, it was 'Elsinore Street Blues,' a.k.a. Hamlet."

"What were the first two? The ones at the Kenworthy and the Smiling Mask?" Scooter craned his neck to look at what Nora had written.

"Let me think…right, right. At the Kenworthy, they were doing 'The Tempest,' set in the 24th century on Saturn." Nora sighed. "And I wanted to go see that so badly. At the Smiling Mask, it was an update of 'Wuthering Heights,' set in Trenton, New Jersey." She scribbled another line, and then a look of realization crossed her face.

"And at the Muppet Theater…it's a takeoff on the story of King Arthur," Skeeter chimed in.

"Are you guys thinking what I'm thinking?" Nora asked nervously.

"They're all well-known, classic plays and/or books given a new twist." Scooter said decisively.

"Yeah, and the Killer Fish doesn't like that for some reason."

"The only one I can think of who would think that way would be Sam…but, no, he'd never do all that," Skeeter said.

"It's not that kind of show," Scooter agreed. "But…come on, what kind of nut would freak out over a spoof of King Arthur?" Up in the sky, there were a few appropriate rumbles of thunder.

"In this case, a really well-read nut," Nora said as the three quickly gathered up their books and ducked inside as rain started to fall.

-----

Several nights later it was the final dress rehearsal, two nights before 'A Little Knight Music' was set to open.

The cast sat in full costume backstage. This time, they were noticeably subdued. Everyone had a bad feeling that the Killer Fish would strike again.

By now, the story of the Fish and his misdeeds had become the most talked-about thing at the Muppet Theater.

Kermit sat glumly on Miss Piggy's lap. Sam wasn't making any editorial comments, Gonzo wasn't discussing any new stunts, and the Electric Mayhem was strangely silent.

Even Uncle Deadly looked decidedly worried.

Finally, Fozzie stood up. "You guys, what is wrong with you? We've got a show to do, and what are you doing? You're sitting around like it's the end of the world! We've got to do this play...show that guy that he can't slow down the Muppets! Am I right?"

Fozzie was greeted by an unenthusiastic collective "Right."

"Places for act one," Kermit said quietly.

-----

Outside, a black van pulled into a lot a few blocks away from the Muppet Theater. The van came to a stop and five men in trench coats and fedoras got out.

Four of the men stood in a line and faced the fifth man.

"All right, everyone, listen up," the fifth said. "Burbank, you go around to checkpoint Charlie. Tulsa, position yourself at sector Zed."

Tulsa and Burbank turned and disappeared into the darkness.

"Hereford, go to zone 89. And you, Closter, go to station Alpha."

"What about you, Leland?"

"I'll be at control central. Stay tuned for further orders."

"That's nice…hey, wait a minute, you're not hanging out at the coffee shop while the rest of us bust our collective humps out here!"

"I can and I will. Number one, I have a cold. Number two, I'm the boss. Number three, the second-floor lounge gives me a straight shot at the theater roof."

-----

"I think it's one of those guys I saw sneaking around out in the alley," Rizzo said as everyone took their places for act one.

The rehearsal went by quickly, but despite Fozzie's pep talk, everyone seemed distant and preoccupied. The Great Hall scene was rushed, Gonzo did the catapult act without his usual bravado, Scooter and Nora barely looked at each other during a moment when they were supposed to be getting to know one another, and Link and Uncle Deadly were incapable of being truly pompous or evil.

Rowlf wearily drummed his fingers on the piano lid. "Kermit, if act two goes the way act one just did, I'll be ready for the Killer Fish to put this show to sleep."

"Rowlf, don't say that, please?" Kermit asked. "All right, quickly, everyone into costumes for the ball scene!"

Scooter ran over to a rack, identified his costume and dashed up to a dressing room to change.

As he pulled the long white, green and orange knight's tunic over his head, he stopped. He thought he had heard the side door slam down below.

Pops never let any outsiders in backstage during the final dress rehearsal.

Scooter, stop it, he told himself firmly. You're getting scared, and that's what the Killer Fish wants. He put his sword back into his sword belt, put on the mask he had to wear for the ball scene, checked his appearance in the mirror and left the dressing room.

Nora appeared from another room, wearing the long bluish-purple silk dress that she wore for the ball scene, and a mask that covered the top half of her face.

"Ready?" she asked, though with a note of tension in her voice.

They took their places at the wings with the rest of the cast.

They watched as Kermit and Miss Piggy made their entrance into the Great Hall at Mordred's castle. Under the stage directions, the Camelot contingent would enter two at a time.

Scooter and Nora would enter right after Gonzo and Camilla.

For a while, they watched Kermit and Miss Piggy waltz around the stage, studiously avoiding Link and Mildred.

And then, Scooter smelled something. He lifted his head and smelled the air, and felt his blood run cold.

He's here…

It suddenly smelled a lot like an open-air fish market backstage.

------

[super muppet]

Great Scene!!! Its Very Funny!!

[Muppet Newsgirl]

Act Five, Scene Three:

Scooter took off his mask and turned, just in time to see a figure in a long black coat vanish up the stairs to the catwalk over the stage.

He tapped Nora on the shoulder and pointed up the stairs. Nora took off her mask and grabbed a stage sword lying nearby.

"Let's go," she whispered as they moved away from the others and tiptoed up the stairs.

Scooter threw open the door to the catwalk. The person in black was fiddling with one of the lights.

By fiddling with one of the lights, we mean rigging it so that it would fall on Kermit and Miss Piggy.

And by one of the lights, we mean a very large, very heavy lighting rig.

"Hey! Stop!" Scooter yelled, running forward.

The Killer Fish stood bolt upright and threw a dagger at Scooter before running off.

"Scooter, get down!" Nora shouted as she ducked for cover.

Scooter flung himself down on the catwalk floor, eyes squeezed shut. The dagger zoomed across the catwalk and embedded itself firmly in the wall. Scooter got to his feet and started to run.

Kermit looked up. "What's going on up there?" he demanded.

"It's the Killer Fish!" Scooter screamed as he disappeared off the other end of the catwalk.

At the sound of those words, all mayhem broke loose in the theater.

Everyone began screaming and shouting and running around all at once.

The malfunctioning light rig suddenly came free of its moorings.

"Kermit, look out!" Nora yelled as she ran after Scooter.

Kermit saw the rig falling and made a run for it, Miss Piggy right behind. Uncle Deadly scooped Robin up and dashed to one side before the little frog could be trampled in the stampede backstage. The rig smashed to smithereens on the stage, bits of glass, steel and plastic going everywhere. All went dark in the theater, save for the footlights.

Uncle Deadly moaned. "What beast chooses to plague us this night?"

Robin trembled and clutched at Uncle Deadly's red and black robe. He had never felt so terrified in his life.

"Robin! Robin, where are you?" Sweetums bellowed as he charged through the stampede.

"Here! Sweetums, I'm scared!" Robin wailed.

"Here is the little chap," Uncle Deadly said as he handed Robin off to Sweetums.

Robin buried his face into the huge monster's shaggy fur. "Sweetums..."

"Everyone, calm down!" Kermit bellowed over the din.

"How can you stay calm? That maniac's out to kill us!" Link shouted before he fainted into the band pit. Wayne and Wanda were sobbing into each other's shoulders.

"Maniac! Maniac!" Animal hammered at his drums.

"Someone call the cops!"

Clifford scooped up the phone. "Kerm, man, the phones are dead."

"Use cell phones!"

"The reception in here is lousy, remember?" Rowlf pointed out.

Skeeter threw open a window and hastily punched in Richard's cell number. "Please, pick up…" she said anxiously.

"Yes, this is the Muppet Theater! Send the cops over here immediately...what do you mean, stop doing those prank calls?" Gonzo asked in disbelief over his phone as he leaned out the window.

Skeeter's heart pounded. Two rings, three rings, and then…

"You have reached the phone of Richard Hunt, actor, singer, director and general purveyor of whimsy, chaos and mayhem, not necessarily in that order. Please leave a message at the tone along with your name and number, and have a nice day. However, if you are trying to sell me something or get me to vote for someone, get off the phone right now, and your face!"

She tried Jim's phone…and Frank's…and Dave's…and Jerry's…but no one picked up. "Where is everyone?" she half-screamed in despair and anger.

-----

Scooter threw open the door to the prop room. No one was there.

Where are you?

He ran along the darkened hallway, trying to follow the fishy smell.

He came to a stop outside Kermit's office, and once again felt his blood run cold.

In the office (which Kermit didn't use as often as his desk by the wings, truth be told), Kermit kept a splendid English longsword, a gift from Peter Ustinov, on display in a glass case.

Someone had smashed the case and taken the sword. Shards of glass littered the floor like diamonds on a jeweler's cloth.

By now, the gofer was quaking in his boots. They weren't just dealing with a vandal anymore. They could also be dealing with a would-be murderer.

Nora sprinted up. "What's wrong?" Behind them, the door connecting the hallway to the backstage area slammed shut.

"We've got a mess on our hands," Scooter said grimly. "There was a sword that we kept in here, a real, honest-to-goodness sword, and he's stolen it. The Fish is now officially armed and dangerous."

"Not counting the dagger he launched at you," Nora groaned. "He's gone psycho. We've got to find him before he kills someone." She lifted her head and sniffed the air.

She stopped and pointed down the hallway. She and Scooter ran in that direction, trying to muffle their footfalls as much as possible.

They came to the darkened stairwell that led up to the attic. A set of dusty footprints led up the stairs, and the smell of fish lingered in the air overhead.

Scooter and Nora looked at each other, gripped each other's hands and started to climb up the stairs. With each step, they feared that someone would jump out of nowhere with a gun, or another dagger would fly out of the shadows in horror-film style.

At the top, the door leading out to the roof swung to and fro, its hinges creaking in an appropriately ominous fashion.

A frigid early November wind whistled through the gratings on the roof as Scooter and Nora came outside. The door swung shut with a soft click behind them.

Here they lost the Fish's scent.

Down below and off in the distance, the 6:35 commuter express just out of New York roared past on its way into the train station down at Nelson Square.

"I don't like this, Nora," Scooter shivered as he hugged himself for warmth. It started to rain moments later.

Nora scanned the rooftop, trying to see where someone could hide. Around them, the city lights cast a hazy glow into the night sky. The theater's rooftop crane arched into the sky and looked vaguely like a gallows.

"Show yourself!" Nora yelled. "Come out and face us like a man…er…Muppet!"

Scooter approached the railing and looked out at the surrounding buildings. There was no way the Killer Fish could have jumped to a nearby roof.

He thought he saw someone running away through the alley down below. He moved forward to get a better look, but in the rain and the dark it was hard to see properly.

"Scooter, look out!"

Scooter whirled around to see the Killer Fish looming over him, a face in a dark yellow gas mask. It was the face from his nightmare.

He ducked out of the way before the Fish's sword (technically, Peter's sword which was stolen by the Fish) came smashing down on the railing where Scooter had been standing.

There was a ripping noise as the sword caught on the left sleeve of Scooter's tunic. The entire sleeve tore off and dangled from the sword.

Scooter grabbed Nora's hand, and the two ran around to the other side of the roof.

"Has this ever happened before?" Nora screamed.

"Yeah, sometimes!"

"What do you guys do when it happens?"

"If the others were here, we'd have an absurdly comedic fight!"

"And when they're not?"

Scooter gulped. "I don't know!"

And then, a second figure in a dark green gas mask appeared, and a third, and a fourth.

The figures leapt up onto the roof, ninja-style. In desperation, Scooter and Nora ran back over to the attic door.

The Fish reached down and calmly locked the door just as the two came running up.

"You two aren't going anywhere," the Fish said in a low, dangerous voice distorted by the mask.

Scooter and Nora were trapped.

-----

[ReneeLouvier]

Oh...my god.....more...please?

[Muppet Newsgirl]

Of course, of course. It's just that this act's a little longer than most, and I've got to run back and edit some stuff. Be patient, and scene four will come eventually.
Heck, that last scene sped up my heart rate a bit, and I'm the one who wrote it. Real diabolical of me to leave our dear Scooter and his friend Nora caught in the Fish's clutches...

[Leyla]

This is a great story, both funny and nerve-wracking! I get all nervous, and then you write something like: "It's the Killer Fish!" Scooter screamed as he disappeared off the other end of the catwalk" and I just can't help but laugh. Love the reference to Peter Ustinov and the line about the 'absurdly comedic fight', not to mention the violent dance scene previously. Great work!

Leyla

[super muppet]

Awesome Story!!

[Muppet Newsgirl]

(pops out of underground bunker)

Muppet Newsgirl: All right, I've kept everyone scared silly long enough. Here, all (well, almost all) will be revealed! There's at least one more act after this, but I can't post it tonight.

Act Five, Scene Four:

Skeeter hurried along the hallway, her sword outstretched. She was wondering why the door leading from the backstage area to the hallway had been locked.

More of the Fish's handiwork - or fin-iwork, she thought sourly.

She spotted the dusty footprints leading up to the attic, and started to follow them up.

Kermit, Fozzie, Gonzo, Miss Piggy and pretty much the rest of the cast came skidding around the corner moments later and started climbing up.

-----

"You little fools," the Fish snarled down at Scooter and Nora as the three green-masked henchmen came up behind them. They too had swords.

"When, boss?" one of the henchmen asked. "When do we finish it?"

"Not yet," the Fish said. "I want to settle a score with these two first." He raised the sword so that it glinted ominously in the streetlights.

"You…" Scooter felt anger rising inside him. "Why are you doing this? Why'd you attack the other theaters like that?" He took a deep breath. "What did we ever do to you?" he demanded.

"Shut up, boy," the Fish pointed one finger at Scooter, "and I might just let you and the girl walk away from here unharmed. I thought I could make those others an example to you…but no, you just wouldn't listen."

"What are you talking about?" Nora half-screamed. "Stop spewing all those half-baked threats and tell me, what the heck are you talking about?"

"That abomination you call a show."

Scooter and Nora still didn't understand what the heck the Fish was talking about…but that voice suddenly sounded very familiar.

"You don't like the show?" Scooter asked. "Then don't see it. Don't ruin it for everyone else just because you don't like it."

"That's not good enough. It must be eliminated, for the sake of the people."

"The sake of the people…" Nora rolled her eyes. "Don't make me laugh. You probably don't care for what the people think."

"Nora, he's completely off his rocker," Scooter shivered. He was now completely soaked to the bone, but then, so was everyone else on the roof.

He suddenly realized, as he lowered his hands to rub at his arms, that he was still carrying his sword.

He dropped his voice to a whisper. "If we're going to do something, we might as well do it now."

"Got it."

Scooter and Nora started to back away from the Fish, and the henchmen formed a circle around them.

Scooter tentatively gripped his sword and pulled it out of its sheath. Nora decided to keep hers in its sheath for the time being. She was forming an idea in her mind.

The Fish laughed mockingly. "So you want to fight me, little ones? Very well. I look forward to some amusement."

That voice…where have I heard that voice? Scooter racked his brains as he raised his sword.

Scooter closed his eyes and then thought back to rehearsals, when he, Fozzie, Gonzo and the others were going through fight choreography.

In his mind, the book on stage combat…the book Nora had brought to the theater that day in September…came into view and opened up. It seemed so long ago…

Goelz' Guide to Stage Combat and Other Potentially Fatal Ventures, Chapter Three: How to Fight a Larger or More Dangerous Opponent…

This isn't a nightmare, Scooter, it's reality. And you've got to take him out this time...for everyone here, you've got to win.

The Fish tsked with impatience and started to swing the sword….

Clang.

Scooter had taken one end of his sword in each hand, like he was holding a staff.

He swiftly held the sword up and blocked the Fish's attack.

"Run for it, Nora!" Scooter hollered.

Nora had already taken off, the henchmen in hot pursuit.

She ran around to the other side, past the towering air vents, the skylights and the other things that jutted high up out of the roof, past all the things we should have mentioned were present during scene three.

I know that voice…I know him! she thought angrily.

She made sure to take a path through where there were a lot of puddles. Which wasn't too hard, considering that it was raining cats and dogs.

One of the henchmen skidded on a puddle and fell, badly turning his ankle.

That's one, Nora thought. She ran back around to the front, pulling her sword out of its sheath and waving it high in the air.

Another henchman jumped out of nowhere. He swung at her, but Nora quickly ducked and swiped her sword into his shins.

The Killer Fish lunged at Scooter again…and again and again. Each time, Scooter blocked the blow and jumped back. On the third swipe he waved his sword in a large circle high over his head, just as he had seen done in the book of stage combat.

"Brat…" the Fish muttered, now rather out of breath.

Scooter noticed the approach Nora had been taking. He ran and darted away between the attic gable and an air vent. For someone Scooter's size, it was quite easy. Not so for the Fish.

-----

Near a fire escape outside, someone began speaking into a walkie-talkie. "Hereford to Closter. The pot is boiling over. Repeat. The pot is boiling over."

Behind an old decaying Studebaker in an alleyway, someone in a tan trench coat and a dark gray fedora spoke into a walkie-talkie. "Closter to Leland. The Killer Fish is in the dress circle. Repeat. The Killer Fish is in the dress circle."

"Loud and clear, Closter. What about Greencoat and Bluebell?"

"They've gone vertical." The man looked up at the roof. He could see two figures, one dressed as a knight, the other as a noblewoman, up on the roof. He could also see the Killer Fish coming straight at them. "Leland, the Fish is after them and…oh, no, he's got company!"

"Commence Operation Vertigo!" Leland yelled.

Closter reached into his pack and brought out a set of large suction cups. He clipped them to his hands and feet and started climbing up the wall. Hereford, Burbank and Tulsa appeared and started climbing after him.

Hang on, Scooter...hold on, Nora...don't let that jerk win, Closter thought as he climbed. We're all counting on you...

------

At the back of the roof, Scooter and Nora were now fighting the two remaining henchmen. The first one had hurt himself too badly to continue fighting.

Nora's sword clipped the second henchman in the shoulder. He yelped and muttered several curse words.

Scooter blocked two lunges from the third henchman before managing to swing his sword into the man's side.

"Back to the front!" Scooter whispered as he and Nora ran back through the maze of air vents, having temporarily disarmed the henchmen. "This is getting exhausting."

Before they emerged from their hiding place, Nora clapped her hand on Scooter's shoulder. "I have an idea. Get out there and get the Fish to come at you."

"But…"

"Trust me," Nora said earnestly.

There came a loud banging on the attic door.

Scooter nodded. He had a hunch about what Nora planned. "Be careful." He rose and ran out onto the open roof. "Hey, Fish-face! You wanna fight me? Come and get me!"

The Killer Fish turned and started to run at Scooter.

Scooter tightened his grip on his sword and got ready to swing it.

And then, Nora leapt out at the Fish from behind and yanked off his gas mask.

"Get off me!" the Fish roared as he tried to shove Nora away.

A spray bottle fell out of the Fish's pocket and clattered on the roof, rolling away from the scuffle. Scooter grabbed it up and examined the label.

It was a bottle of synthetic fish oil. He sniffed the can's nozzle and made a face. It was the exact same smell he had noticed before the smoke bomb went off, and at the fire, and tonight in the wings.

Clutching the mask, Nora jumped away from the Fish, now kneeling on the ground and hiding his face in his hands. She ran over to Scooter.

"Aren't you going to show us who you are?" Scooter asked. "You had enough guts to set our canteen on fire, so you should have enough guts to show us your face."

The Fish lurched back to his feet, and lifted his hands away from his face.

Nora's eyes widened at the face, the Killer Fish's true face. The fish oil bottle fell out of Scooter's hand and clattered on the roof.

They gasped in unison, "Mr…Knotworth?"

------

Yes, it was. Julius Knotworth's face was pale and scarred, and there was what looked like a small burn on his cheek. He no longer resembled the pompous, yet benign theater aficionado who used to head up the dramatics society.

Nora's face darkened with rage. "Tell me why you almost crushed our director to death."

"You're all making a mockery of a fabled legend, and I won't stand for it." Mr. Knotworth spat. "The nerve of you, butchering great works of literature and language all for a few cheap, lowbrow laughs."

"You set that fire over at the Jane Nebel, didn't you?" Scooter demanded. "And you flooded the Grade Avenue, too? All for your idea of what a play should be?"

Mr. Knotworth gave a diva-worthy sigh of disgust. "Those fools. Setting a classic Greek myth in a hippie commune. Putting on Shakespeare in a sleazy disco nightspot. Never before have I heard of such wanton violations of revered works. It gave me a pain in my stomach…so I decided to give those idiots at the Not-So-Little a taste of what I felt."

The food poisoning…Mr. Knotworth had just confessed to three of the incidents.

"Yes, all those and the vandalism at the Louise Gold, and the fires at the Kenworthy and the Smiling Mask; they were all a buildup to what I wanted to do to you here. The dress rehearsal for the main crime, if you will."

He pointed a finger at Scooter. "You Muppet Show types are the worst offenders of all. If I had my way, young Scooter, you and your friends would be in prison by now, and this old wreck would be a scrap heap."

Nora bit her lip angrily and tried to keep from yelling something rude at Mr. Knotworth, even though he would have deserved it.

Mr. Knotworth looked around at the city skyline. "This town's theaters and playwrights need a healthy dose of censorship to keep them in line, and I intend to give them that dose. And you..." he turned to Nora. "I expected better of you, Nora Brandon, than to spend your time with these theatrical heretics. Maybe my sister should have fired you altogether, to punish you for your foolishness, you foolish little..."

Scooter's eyes narrowed. He'd had enough. "Shut up."

"What did you say to me, brat?"

"I said, shut up. I don't want to hear any more of that censorship-and-oppression-are-good junk from you. And don't talk to Nora that way."

"Yeah, you've got no right to critique us. The dramatics society didn't think so, either."

"What do you mean, Nora?" Mr. Knotworth asked suspiciously.

Nora scowled. "My lit teacher told me everything several days ago, Mr. Knotworth. You didn't quit the society. You haven't even been part of it in a while. They threw you out long ago, and I know why. You tried to ruin a lot of the plays they put on, because you didn't like the way they were being presented." She took a deep breath. "You've got no sense of humor. You think all plays need to be played the same way. Your way."

The attic door burst open. It flew off its hinges and smashed to the roof in a shower of splinters.

Sweetums emerged, roaring at the top of his lungs, Robin riding on his shoulders. Mr. Knotworth turned pale.

Skeeter came barreling out next, sword outstretched. Kermit, Fozzie, Gonzo, Miss Piggy, Clifford, Rowlf and pretty much everyone else were in hot pursuit.

"The cavalry's in!" Fozzie yelled happily.

------

All right, everyone, you can breathe more easily now. But like I said, still more to go!

[super muppet]

Fozzie Rocks!!

Your Doing A Great Job!!

I Can't Wait Til' The Next Scene!

[ReneeLouvier]

Love the story, Muppet Newsgirl.

[Muppet Newsgirl]

Thanks, Renee...and Leyla and super muppet and muppetwriter.

The last scene of act five will be a little delayed, because I've got some assignments that I need to take care of first.
In act six, we're going to see 'A Little Knight Music' open at the Muppet Theater. That's going to tie everything up nice and neat.

Later!

[Muppet Newsgirl]

"A little delayed?" she asked in an oh-so-incredulous tone.

Sorry, guys, but I was away from my computer all weekend, and I wasn't able to save my work to a disk for some reason.

[Muppet Newsgirl]

Act Five, Scene Five

"What took you so long?" Scooter asked, smiling. "The author's had us up here for a scene and a half already."

"Everything went to heck in a handbasket inside, so it took us a little while to figure out where you'd gone," Skeeter explained. "Plus, it was dark, and someone locked one of the doors, and…"

Fozzie looked over at Mr. Knotworth. "So you must be the Killer Fish. You don't look much like a fish to me."

"Yeah, he does," Miss Piggy snarled. "A big, bloodthirsty shark."

Sam stuck his beak up into the air in a sanctimonious manner. "I say we call the police and get him and his minions off of our roof. The law is the law."

"What? And let Scooter and Nora have all the fun?" Kermit asked severely as he drew his sword. "You're forgetting the cardinal rule of conflicts, staged or otherwise, at the Muppet Theater."

"I never heard of any cardinal rule…" Scooter frowned.

"It says that any armed fight involving at least one of the cast members should quickly turn into a free-for-all involving the entire cast, whether it's a pie fight or a sword fight."

Nora shrugged. "Fair enough."

Gonzo took out his sword and yelled, "Let's rumble!"

While another, slightly more balanced swordfight between the Muppet Theater crew and Mr. Knotworth's gang clanged into action, Hereford, Closter, Burbank and Tulsa watched from their perch atop the theater's rooftop crane.

The four almost resembled a flock of vultures.

"They love a good fight, don't they?" Burbank remarked pleasantly.

"Why not? Now that the real danger's over we can actually enjoy this," Hereford agreed.

"But I'm starting to think that we're seeing a little more swordplay than is necessary for this story," Tulsa said quietly, stroking his beard.

"Oh, let them have their fun, it's been a hard week. Burbank, check in with the boss, won't you?" Closter asked.

Burbank lifted his walkie-talkie. "Burbank to Leland. The cast has the Fish surrounded, and they're starting another fight."

"So I gathered."

"Leland, where are you? It sounds really noisy back there."

"I had to pick someone up at the train station. What about the Muppets?"

"I don't think they're in any real danger. The odds are stacked against the Fish now."

"Commence Operation Clambake. Over and out."

"Right." Burbank turned to Closter. "Operation Clambake."

Closter took out a rope that had been made into a lasso.

-----

Down below, three police cars roared up to the curb, someone having finally convinced the police that the crisis at the Muppet Theater was in fact genuine.

Another car, J.P. Grosse's, zoomed up and came to a stop. Sadie threw the door open and jumped out. "Scooter!" she yelled in a panicked voice. "Skeeter!"

J.P. and Nancy emerged after her. "Where is he? Who's the Killer Fish? He can't destroy this place; I still haven't collected rent from the frog!"

"Jerry, your niece and nephew could be in danger. Now is not the time to fret over rent payments," Nancy said.

"Yes, dear."

A fifth car came up, and Caitlin, Stuart, Heather and Mrs. Jane Galway, their grandmother, hurried out and clustered in a frightened knot near the edge of the curb.

By the time Leland's black van pulled up and parked across the street, Mrs. Farley had arrived and was trying to break through the line of police.

"Please, ma'am, stay back. It's dangerous," one of the officers protested.

"I can't…if she dies I as good as killed her!" Mrs. Farley wailed.

Leland drummed his fingers on the steering wheel and glanced at the young woman sitting in the passenger seat. She wore a black turtleneck, blue jeans, black sneakers, a dark blue pea coat and a gray tweed newsboy's cap that she had pulled down over her eyes.

She and Leland nodded to one another and jumped out of the van.

"Excuse us, coming through," Leland said as he and the woman muscled their way through the police line and went inside the theater.

----

Up on the roof, the renewed swordfight continued to clang on.

Scooter jumped back from Mr. Knotworth, gasped for breath and rubbed sweat and rain water out of his eyes.

He was ready for the fight to be over.

He noticed something out of the corner of his eye. There were four figures clustered up on the theater's rooftop crane, which extended above the roof. One of them threw down one end of a rope, which had been made into a lasso, and secured the other end to the crane. The others started motioning in their direction, as if to say, "Send him this way!"

"Mr. Knotworth, I think you're forgetting something about traditional plays." Scooter said casually.

"And what would that be, little gofer boy?"

Scooter swung his sword one more time, driving Mr. Knotworth backward.

"Unless it's a tragedy…"

"Which this isn't," Floyd chimed in.

Suddenly, Mr. Knotworth found himself being jerked up into the air, a rope bound around his ankles.

"The good guys usually win," Scooter finished.

"Reel him in, boys," Leland called as he and the mysterious woman appeared on the roof.

"You…who are you?" Mr. Knotworth spluttered up at the group on the crane. "Cut me down this instant!"

"Your face, Mr. Knotworth." Closter jumped down from the crane and removed his fedora, revealing a head of curly, prematurely grayed hair.

Nora's eyes widened. "R…Richard Hunt?"

"You…you're the one who profanes my sister's shop with all those revolting jokes." Mr. Knotworth spat.

Richard rolled his eyes. "I don't think that's half as revolting as your going around and terrorizing all the theater people in the city. Not to mention trying to hack my favorite godson and his friends to pieces."

Nora's eyes widened as Leland and the woman came up. "But…you…what have you guys been doing all this time?"

Leland cleared his throat as the others jumped down from the crane and came over. "I don't think we've been properly introduced. I am Jim Henson, code name Leland. Let me introduce Frank Oz, code name Hereford, Dave Goelz, code name Burbank, Jerry Nelson, code name Tulsa…and you already know Richard Hunt, code name Closter."

"And who's that?" Kermit asked, gesturing to the mysterious woman.

"She's a reporter from the Daily Inspector. She's been working with us to capture the Fish."

"I'll let you in on my name later, Kermit," the woman, a.k.a. the reporter, said quietly.

The police came running up to the roof and quickly set about putting Mr. Knotworth and his henchmen into handcuffs.

One by one, the henchmen unmasked themselves. One of them, the most aggressive of them, was actually a woman: Mr. Knotworth's wife, Candy. She scowled angrily at the police.

"There was no such thing as feminism at King Arthur's court!" Mr. Knotworth shouted as the police dragged him, Candy and their accomplices away. "There was no one named Deirdre in Arthurian legend! Elaine was not a chicken, and the Lady of the Lake wasn't a warrior! And what do you mean by modeling your swordfights after James Bond and Pulp Fiction? It's heresy! It's…ooof…"

Mr. Knotworth slumped forward, dazed, just as Miss Piggy withdrew her fist, much to the amazement of the police.

-----

Back in the theater, Hilda went off to the costume room, holding an armload of drenched, ripped costumes. Once again she was muttering about "reckless, irresponsible layabouts" as she plunked the costumes on her ironing board and began to sort through them.

She frowned at the severed sleeve on Scooter's tunic. "How much trouble can that boy get into?" she asked herself. She gaped at the rips in Nora and Skeeter's dresses, sputtered in consternation at the tears in Clifford's magician's robe and nearly fainted dead away at some lipstick stains on the collar of Kermit's tunic.

She finally fainted when she found the chocolate stains on Miss Piggy's dress.

Most of the cast sat around backstage, shooting the breeze. All right, considering the night's events they weren't shooting the breeze so much as laying siege to it with a cannon.

"Like, wow, that Killer Fish dude's a total square," Janice said as she flipped through an old copy of Melody Maker.

"Totally. I mean, the man's a real square peg," Floyd agreed as he tuned up his bass.

Rowlf sat down at the rehearsal piano and started to play 'Show Me the Way to Go Home.' Fozzie and Frank Oz were busy swapping jokes and riddles.

"So then, the plumber, the fireman and the lawyer walk into the bar…" Frank began.

"Yeah, yeah, and then they see that the bartender's been replaced by a squid…" Fozzie went on.

In one of the dressing rooms (some of the warmer rooms in the building), Scooter and Nora, having changed back into street clothes, sat with heavy flannel blankets wrapped around them. Because the two of them had been out on the roof and in the cold pouring rain in lightweight clothes for almost forty-five minutes, Sadie had started fretting about hypothermia.

Gladys had brought up two mugs of steaming hot tea from the makeshift canteen in the basement.

"Nora, I'm really sorry about this," Scooter said as he slurped up some tea.

"What's to apologize for?" Nora cupped her mug in her hands. "It was all Mr. Knotworth's doing." She frowned. "He lied to me. He told me that he'd been in the dramatics society all this time when he'd been kicked out four years ago."

Scooter nodded, opened his mouth to say something, and then closed it.

There were all sorts of things Scooter wanted to say to Nora at the moment. They had been through a lot in the last few hours…and the last few months, too.

"You…you're pretty good with a sword, Nora."

"Yeah…my mom taught stage combat." Nora smiled wanly as she took a slurp of tea. She suddenly sucked in her breath. "Aaahh…too hot." She stuck her tongue out.

"What are you going to do after the show? From what I heard, Kermit asked you aboard for this one show, but that was pretty much it."

Nora thought for a moment. "I'll think of something."

Scooter was right. Beyond 'A Little Knight Music,' she didn't know if she would be needed or wanted at the theater. Yet she wanted to stay on so badly…

"I think you should stay with us," Scooter said decisively.

"You…you think so?"

"Yes. We need a few more people like you here. And…er…well…"

"Go on," Nora coaxed him.

"I'd really like it if you stayed on." Scooter stood up so that he could look straight at her. "Nora, without you, I wouldn't have stood a chance against Mr. Knotworth. He'd have probably blown up the theater and landed a bunch of us in the hospital if not killed us outright. And the police would still be looking for him."

There was a sharp rap on the door. Mrs. Farley threw the door open and bustled in, her soaking wet sequined dress dripping water all over the floor. "Look at you, you look like a pair of drowned rats."

"Speak for yourself, Goldilocks," Rizzo snorted as he walked by.

Mrs. Farley tsked at him before turning her attention back to Nora and Scooter.

"Oh, Nora…that's why I was so worried about you joining the cast here, Nora," she moaned as she plunked down into a chair. "I had a bad feeling that the Muppet cast would be next on Julius's list of companies to terrorize and sabotage."

"You knew it was him all along?" Scooter asked in disbelief.

"Yes and no. On one hand, I couldn't have conceived that my own brother would break the law in such a way…but on the other hand, some nagging voice deep inside told me that Julius would do this kind of thing. And then I heard on the news that the Killer Fish had come to the area and struck the Kenworthy Place Theater, just like what happened in Cambridge…" Mrs. Farley shook her head and wrung her hands nervously. "That's why I yelled at you, Nora. I didn't want you to be one of the Killer Fish's next victims."

Scooter and Nora only looked at her, letting the information sink in.

"I'm so sorry, Nora…and I'm so sorry for you too, Scooter."

Jerry Nelson stuck his head in through the door. "Excuse me, Mrs. Farley, but the lead detective wants you to make a statement."

Mrs. Farley's eyes widened.

"Please don't arrest her," Nora begged.

"It's all right, I don't think they're going to press charges or anything. They just want her statement as a witness. Mrs. Farley, if you please?"

Mrs. Farley stood and went to the door, but stopped and turned. "Is there anything I can do, Nora, to make it up for you?"

Nora smiled. "Yes. I want you and Mr. Farley to come to the show Saturday night."

Mrs. Farley looked a little hesitant, but smiled. "I'd like that." She followed Jerry out of the room and down the hallway.

Through the open door, Scooter and Nora saw Richard talking to one of the officers.

"You never told me that Richard was your godfather," Nora said quietly.

"I didn't? I thought I did," Scooter said.

"I knew it was him," Richard was saying. "He had it written all over his face. I was ready to slap him with an arrest warrant right there in the bookshop, but I didn't want to do it in front of Mrs. Farley. From what she told me, they weren't really close as kids, and the two of them were only just starting to rebuild their brother-sister bond."

Skeeter came running up. "I tried to call you after the Fish attacked, but your phone was off."

Richard leaned over and gave Skeeter a hug. "Sorry, Skeet, but Jim threatened to skin me alive if my phone went off one more time during a secret mission. But are you okay? That's more important."

"Yeah, we're fine. Just a little spooked."

"Have you had anything to drink?"

"No."

"You need to. Gladys, can you get Skeeter a cup of tea?"

"Yes, yes, and for you, Richard?"

"Cup of coffee. Black. I need a caffeine hit."

Gladys brought two more steaming mugs up.

"Your mom would have killed me if anything happened to you, and then your dad would have come back from the dead and killed me as well," Richard said as he took a swig of coffee. "Now let's go check on your brother and his girlfriend."

Skeeter shrieked with laughter. Scooter almost choked on a mouthful of tea. "Richard, Nora's not my girlfriend!"

"Is that so? Skeeter, do you want to place a bet on it?" Richard asked with a teasing gleam in his eyes as he and Skeeter came in and parked themselves on a few vacant chairs. He stuck out his hand toward Nora. "Nora, we've ran into each other a few times but I don't think we've been properly introduced. I'm Richard Hunt, the actor and puppeteer. I'm also Scooter and Skeeter's godfather."

Nora smiled shyly as she squeezed Richard's hand.

"I'll never understand you, Richard. I didn't know you were doing secret-agent work all this time," Scooter remarked.

"Don't try to understand me. The others stopped trying years ago." Richard slurped up some more coffee. "We've been tailing the Fish for about a year, since we heard he left Boston. We've been working with the police, and that reporter you saw out on the roof…"

"Why can't she tell us who she is?" Skeeter asked.

"Security reasons. Anyway, the thing is, we're all theater people around here, right? And it really burns our toast, no pun intended, when someone tries to ruin it for us in a big way. So the five of us started doing a little undercover investigating of our own. And it's paid off."

Scooter looked out at the door. "I wonder what happened to set him off like that. It can't have been just the deal with the dramatics society, right?"

Richard nodded. "We'll probably never know. But there's no sense worrying about that now. The theater's intact, no one's hurt, we've nabbed the Fish and the show's going on as scheduled." He lifted his mug. "Here's to 'A Little Knight Music.'"

"Hear, hear." Four mugs clacked against each other.

Jim stood out in the hallway, talking to the reporter. The reporter had taken off her newsboy's cap to reveal shoulder-length sandy-brown hair and two serious blue-gray eyes that scrutinized everything from behind round, wire-rimmed glasses.

She opened a portfolio and took out a police drawing. "This is the one that the Boston police gave me," she said. She held the picture up against the one Jim held. The two Koozebanian-type drawings matched. "Yeah, he's the one they've been looking for all this time."

Jim pulled out a plastic evidence bag. "The cops found this in his office a short time ago."

The bag contained a typed manifesto on how "in order to preserve the purity of traditional literature and drama," strict censorship of "dangerous, immoral" ideas was needed. The manifesto supported burning books, arresting certain authors and closing bookshops and theaters.

Mr. Knotworth's signature was on the manifesto.

"What kind of world is it when we've got this kind of nut heading up a group that's supposed to be safeguarding the First Amendment?" the reporter asked. "I think it's a blessing the dramatics society decided to kick him out."

"Exactly."

"And he tried to pin the crime on his own sister, and maybe make a few innocent Koozebanians look bad…what next?" She paused. "I wonder what the deal was with the fish oil?"

"It's his signature. You know how serial killers and criminals like to sign their crimes, right?" Jim asked.

"And the fish oil was Mr. Knotworth's signature. Kinda strange, though."

"Mrs. Farley told us that her whole family hates fish. So in Mr. Knotworth's view, spraying fish oil all over the place would be the ultimate insult."

------

Around nine o'clock, Kermit announced, "All right, the rehearsal is on hold for the rest of the night, so the police can do their thing. We'll have one final rehearsal tomorrow night, and I want everyone to go home and get some rest."

------

End of act five. The final act will be along shortly.

[Muppet Newsgirl]

Here it is, guys. The cast has finally made it to opening night.

Statler: Now let's just hope they make it out of opening night (he and Waldorf guffaw)!

M.N.: (sighs) Here it is, act six, scene one.

Act Six, Scene One:

It was the opening night of 'A Little Knight Music' at long last.

And only at the Muppet Theater would you see one of King Arthur's knights chatting on the phone with a would-be guest for a later show.

"Yes…yes, Mr. Lake, we do need someone for the twentieth…the band wants to come? Great, great…all right, I'll tell Kermit you said so…listen, I have to run, the show starts in half an hour…yes, thanks, Mr. Lake," Scooter said politely.

Kermit came downstairs, singing softly. "For her I'd have ridden over hill and dale…for her I'd have brought back a dragon's head…but now that I've seen what she's become…I'd rather have the dragon instead." He looked up. "Who was on the phone, Scooter?"

"That was Greg Lake," Scooter explained as he hung up the phone.

"As in, one third of Emerson, Lake and Palmer?"

"Yeah, he was calling from London. He and the rest of ELP want to appear on the show sometime."

"Wow, that ought to be a knockout. I've been trying to get them on the show since forever," Kermit remarked. "All right, we'll put them down for the twentieth. Now, as for the thirteenth, you'll have to call Eric Clapton and Bonnie Tyler and tell them that we've got a scheduling conflict but we'll work something out."

Scooter started to reach for the phone, but Kermit stopped him. "Hold it, Scooter. You can do that later. You're released from your gofering duties tonight. You're a knight, remember?"

Scooter smiled. "You're right, boss." He set the clipboard down on the desk and went off to run over his lines one last time with Fozzie, Gonzo, Nora and the others.

"Are you ready, my sweet kingly frog?" Miss Piggy swept up in full costume.

"Just about…er…my sweet…queenly pig," Kermit gulped.

"I shall see vous at the start of act one. Kissy, kissy." Miss Piggy ran off to touch up her makeup.

Mildred brandished a program through the air. "Idiots! My name is Huxtetter, not Featherstone! What were they thinking when they put the list together?"

"Well if it took you that long to notice, then who's the idiot here?" George the janitor asked as he trundled past with a mop and bucket.

Auntie Eleanor, Uncle Deadly's wife, stuck her head in through one of the side doors.

"Where is my dashing Deadly?" the old she-dragon asked sweetly.

Uncle Deadly swooped in, wearing his wizard's red and black robes with the silvery alchemical symbols on them. "At your service, my lady."

"Break a leg," Eleanor cooed as she gave her mate a kiss on his snout. "I'll be in the side box next to Lady Faffner's."

"I shall blow you a kiss as I torture King Arthur into madness."

A group of the cast stood clustered around the wings, watching the audience come in.

"Huge crowd tonight."

Discordant sounds rose up from the pit as the Electric Mayhem tuned up.

"Anyone we know out there?"

"Let's see…there's my mom…there's Cousin Mike…" Fozzie said.

"Hey, who are the little guys with big feet?" Gonzo asked, pointing to a group of tiny creatures who took up a seat to themselves next to an old inventor and his dog.

"Red, Gobo, Mokey, Wembley and Boober, from Fraggle Rock. Skeeter invited them," Scooter explained. "I see Doc and Sprocket came, too."

"There's Edgar and Charlie, and Gags Beazley," Fozzie said, "and Kermit still doesn't believe that there ever was a banana sketch!" There was a collective gasp of disbelief.

"Okay, there's Richard…and he's giving us the peace sign. Hi, Richard!" Nora called, waving. Richard waved back and sat down in the front row next to Jim and Jane.

"Oh no, it's those two old guys," Fozzie moaned as Statler and Waldorf appeared in their usual box.

"Relax, Fozzie. Jim said that if Statler and Waldorf get too outrageous, he'll throw something at them."

"Who's the ghost lady with the two kids and the red-headed crazy?"

"Er…okay, there's Lady Faffner, Riff, Mimi and the Wild Impresario. They made it!" Skeeter exclaimed.

The reporter appeared in the aisle, wearing a dark blue silk suit. She shook hands with Jim, Jane, Frank, Jerry, Richard and Dave before taking her seat in the front row.

"She's got a press pass on. Someone see what it says," Scooter whispered.

Skeeter brought out a pair of binoculars. "Okay, it's a press pass from the Daily Inspector. It says…first name starts with E…Ellen…Erica…no, wait, it's Erin. Last name…it's…Roll. Her name is Erin Roll." Skeeter paused. "Wait a minute, I've heard of her somewhere."

Sam strutted up. "I have heard of her. Even though she is decidedly a left-wing tree-hugger who idolizes those two reporters who drove Nixon out of office, I admire her devotion to the Constitution."

"Well, what's she doing here? I think she's got something more to do with this than the Killer Fish." Fozzie wondered.

Kermit came running up. "People, people, the show starts in a few minutes! Get into your places! You can speculate over why that reporter's here later!" With that the cast set off at a run. "Eeeesh, what I have to do to keep those clowns in line," he muttered.


------

Moments later, after the opening theme, Kermit strode out on stage in front of the curtain to the applause of the audience.

"Good even, ladies and gentlemen, and I do welcome you to another evening's entertainment at the Muppet Show," Kermit said to the audience. "And in case you're wondering why I'm talking that way, it's because we've got a great new book show in line for you tonight. Sit back and watch as we head back to the days of knights, castles, dragons…"

"And really gruesome torture scenes!" Gonzo said as he stuck his head through the curtain.

"Yes, thank you, Gonzo. Where was I…oh, right. We have for you a story called 'A Little Knight Music,' which is our own story based on the legend of King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table. Considering what we had to go through to get this show off the ground, we really hope you enjoy it."

Kermit took a deep breath and started to sing as Rowlf and the Electric Mayhem started in on the jazz-rock piano-and-guitar introduction of 'A New-Fashioned Story.' "We've got your happily ever afters and your once upon a times."

The curtain swept up to reveal the rest of the cast in place. "We've got your catchy little ballads, and all that stuff that rhymes," Miss Piggy, Skeeter and Clifford sang.

The rest of the cast joined in with, "We've got your knights who fight for glory, and avoid a death most gory."

Everyone sang, "But listen up my friends 'cause here we've got…a new-fashioned story."

And that's how the opening number started off, and moved through with promises of adventure, danger and comedy.

Gonzo and Robin sang, "We've got deep dark dungeon scenes and things that really rot."

And Scooter and Nora came in with the line that got the most laughter, "We've got all the crazy stuff that Lerner and Loewe forgot!"

'A Little Knight Music' was officially off to the races.

-----

[ReneeLouvier]

Just awesome!!! Can't wait to see the rest!!

[Muppet Newsgirl]

I think this is the second or third to last scene.

Act Six, Scene Two:

Backstage, after the opening number, Scooter and Nora sat back and watched as Kermit and Miss Piggy did the first scene, a marital spat that seemed to be straight out of 'A Streetcar Named Desire.'

Nora plunked down onto a nearby chair. "Three…two…one…"

"STELLA!"

There was a roar of laughter from the audience. Scooter ran to the wings and stage-whispered, "Wrong play!"

"Sorry. GUIN!"

Scooter came back, sat down and took out his script. "Let me get this straight. Your own brother kicked you out of the kingdom as soon as your father died?"

"You got it straight," Nora huffed. "Primogeniture's a real pill."

"Tell me about it. I was the youngest of six boys."

"Father sent Cadogan to a school to try to make him more like a real king, you know. The school sent him back. Return to sender, address unknown."

Scooter flipped ahead a few pages.

"So what are you going to do after we save Camelot?" Nora asked, still reading from the script.

Scooter leaned over and rested his chin in his hands. "I don't really know…but…"

"Oh, come on, now, you knights of yore always have something that you really want to do."

Out on stage, Miss Piggy snipped, "Tell Sir Thomas Malory or whoever he is that he can take his precious scribblings and stick them someplace I can't mention here. Now if you'll excuse me, Arthur King, I'm going to the chapel where I can hear myself think." With that, Miss Piggy stalked offstage and Kermit slumped down on the throne.

Robin came running down from the dressing room, wearing a traveling cloak over his costume.

"Get going, you're on in a few minutes," Scooter whispered as he closed his script.

Nora stood and threw her own cloak on. "Wish me luck, Sir Knight."

"Break a leg, Princess," Scooter smiled and gave her a thumbs-up.

Nora blew a kiss back at him as she and Robin went out on stage.

From then on, the play went amazingly quickly and smoothly. They went through the catapult and courtyard scene that we mentioned in act three. In the front row, Jane was in spasms of laughter, and Richard was laughing so hard there were tears running down his face. Erin the reporter was clutching her side as she laughed.

Even Statler and Waldorf liked it, but that didn't stop the heckling from coming.

-----

Toward the end of act one, the Camelot group stopped about a mile from Mordred's castle to take a break around a campfire.

The scene involved Galahad and Deirdre stepping away from the others in order to talk among themselves for a moment.

This was the scene in which Galahad, meaning Scooter, revealed his secret wish to go off and find Avalon, the legendary dream kingdom. The song for this scene was the melancholy power ballad, "I Forgot How to Dream." It began as a duet between Scooter and Nora and slowly brought in the rest of the cast.

At the song's end, Scooter and Nora started to lean closer to one another…and then Nora stopped, a look of fear on her face. "I can't."

"Why not? Is it something I…oh, good grief, I'm coming on too strong, aren't I?"

"Galahad…"

"We've only known each other for a few weeks. You're right, it's too soon to consider a relationship..."

"Galahad…"

"But the thing is, Deirdre, I think I'm really starting to fall for you, and…"

"Galahad! It's not you!"

"It isn't? Then what is it?"

"It's Mordred's pet Gradgrund from the swamps of Caerfyll…and it's right behind you!"

Scooter whirled around. The Gradgrund (think a Jabberwock with tentacles) lumbered out onto stage and let out an unearthly shriek.

"RUN!"

But it was too late. The Gradgrund shot out two tentacles and snatched the frightened knight and terrified princess up.

"Arthur! Guinevere! Tristram!" Nora screamed.

"Lancelot! Bedivere!" Scooter hollered.

The Gradgrund's tail swept aside to reveal Kermit, Miss Piggy and the others tied up and under guard. And then the lights went dark, and the curtains descended.


The curtain rose on act two fifteen minutes later, and the audience gasped.

The stage had changed to the torture scene in the dungeon of Mordred's castle.

Fozzie and Robin tried to struggle against the pillories binding their necks and wrists, and Camilla pecked at the lock holding her cage shut. A guard turned the crank of the rack holding Gonzo. There was a creaking noise above the stage, and a rope started to slowly lower Scooter and Nora down toward the bubbling cauldron at stage front.

"The master thought you two would enjoy a nice hot bubble bath," the guard cackled. "Happy soaking!"

"Lancelot, do something!" Robin yelled hysterically.

"Trist, I really would, but…oh, yeah, turn up the tension on that, guard-man!" Gonzo sighed happily. The guard stared in disbelief but turned the rack's crank a few more times.

Nora's jaw dropped open. "It's a habit with him," Scooter explained resignedly as the rope lowered another few inches. "Last week it was the cat o'nine tails, this week it was the catapult through the chapel window…we've gotten used to it."

Fozzie and Robin began straining at the pillories again.

And then it got so that the guard couldn't turn the rack anymore. This, as it turns out, was the moment Gonzo had been waiting for. He broke his now six-foot-long arms free of the shackles.

"What the…" the guard stuttered.

"Ha-ha-ha-haaaaa!" Gonzo whipped his well-elongated arms across the room, Indiana Jones style, sending three of the guards and the cage holding Camilla flying.

The cage broke on contact with the floor. Camilla shook herself free and flapped up to the rope holding Scooter and Nora over the boiling cauldron.

Nora began wriggling about, trying to swing the rope about. She and Scooter quickly began swinging back and forth like a pendulum over the chamber floor.

"Stop them!" one of the guards yelled as he lurched to his feet. But Gonzo's arm smacked into him and sent him sprawling again.

Camilla pecked through the last shreds of rope right as Scooter and Nora swung out over the center of the floor. The two fell to the floor and broke free of their bonds. Camilla let go of the rope and landed in Scooter's arms.

Nora dodged one of the guards and ran to free Robin. Scooter quickly handed Camilla off to Gonzo and ran to release Fozzie.

"Fair Elaine, are you well?" Gonzo asked.

"Bawk…bawk, bawk." Camilla nudged Gonzo's face with her beak.

The knights barreled up the stairs and burst into the upstairs chamber, ready to rescue their king…only to find five guards lying unconscious on the floor, and the imprisoned king and his queen sharing a tender moment.

Gonzo's eyes widened. Nora quickly dropped one hand in front of Robin's eyes, and the others coughed discreetly and turned away. There were a few wolf whistles from the audience.

"Do I take it that marriage counseling is no longer needed?" Nora asked hesitantly.

Miss Piggy pried her lips off of Kermit's face and primly smoothed a wrinkle out of her dress. "Hmmph. Some knights you make. I almost broke a nail fighting those guards while you twits were off doing I don't know what."

"I don't want to stretch the truth, Guinevere," Fozzie said as Kermit stared at Gonzo's much-longer-than-usual arms, "but we were a little tied up. Get it? Tied up? Come on, Galahad, you're supposed to laugh at that one."

Scooter winced. The audience groaned.

Kermit got to his feet. "Come on, everyone, we've got a ball to crash. What happened to Merlin and Vivian?"

"They got separated, but I think they're okay."

The group started to trundle out of the chamber, and the lights dimmed.

-----

[ReneeLouvier]

Ooh!! I really love how it's going!! Nice!!!

[The Count]

You know... I've been reading this one, and I have to say I liked it. Got flabbergasted with the nods to MC, ourselves, and the universe created in Sadie's Stories...

The plot was well done, Nora was a nice new addition to the cast, and the general Muppet inclusions were a good tie-in. But for me, the best parts were the asides or little intros MNG did/does before each scene.

Looking forward to the rest, since there's simply much too much to comment on. Hope to read the rest soon.

[Muppet Newsgirl]

Flabbergasted? Is that in a positive or a negative sense?

Thank you, Count. I rather liked the intros myself (personal fave is a tie between the Holy Grail reference and the Monotones number). Rest of the story is coming up later.

[The Count]

Well... Of course it's in a positive way. This story has rully come along quite nicely... And we're all waiting for the rest of the final act.

[Beauregard]

Ok! I though I best pop in and tell you that I AM reading this! Slowly but surely, I am up to the masked-men scene. Well, just finished that scene. And this story takes my breath away, and then gives it back just in time for laughter! I adore you remarks in ()'s and also the clever names for places and buildings, as well as, well, everything! I was so obsorbed in the "Artie" story that I forgot that wasn't the main focus of the story :p

And Nora is a refreachingly good new Muppet character!

[Muppet Newsgirl]

Nice to hear you say so, Beauregard. It's true that most of the story concerns the Killer Fish, but act six is devoted entirely to the play. Speaking of which, expect the last scene of act six later tonight.

It's a long story, I know. I have this tendency to take a short story and turn it into War and Peace.

[Muppet Newsgirl]

All right, everyone, here it is, the last scene of 'A Little Knight Music!'

Sam: And thank goodness for that.

Muppet Newsgirl: I heard you calling me a left-wing tree-hugger earlier. Save the opinions for the editorial page, featherbrains (Sam huffs and disappears behind the curtain). Of course, I do consider myself a left-wing tree-hugger, and Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein are two of my journalistic heroes and...oh, dear.

Scooter: (peeking out from behind curtain) You just told them that you were the mysterious reporter from the Daily Inspector. Did you mean that?

M.N.: Er...quasi-sorta-kinda. Places, everyone, we're on the home stretch!

Act Six, Scene Three:

Link pompously surveyed the waltzing couples down on the Great Hall floor, with a "my loyal subjects" sort of air. Uncle Deadly tapped his claws impatiently on the balcony railing as he looked around the hall.

"When, Mordred?"

"Not just yet. I want to finish the feast, get the guests through a few waltzes and make a speech," Link said haughtily as he took a hefty swig of wine. "There's a pattern to these, you know." Nearby, Wayne (a.k.a. King Cadogan, who was in cahoots with Mordred) chatted grandiosely with a fluttery noblewoman played by Wanda.

Uncle Deadly sighed. "But still, Mordred, I can't get the feeling that we'll have some…unwanted company."

"Llandfyll, please, do you think I'm not capable of taking care of one measly little lizard king and a pack of ragtag knights?" Link asked in a bored tone. "And what you said to Arthur down in the dungeon really hit home."

"True, my Lord. But still…it is a feeling that shakes this old dragon to his bones."

The doors at stage right opened. A couple entered and started waltzing among the other couples. One of the couple was short, green-skinned and wearing a gold tunic. The other was taller, much plumper and wearing a ruffly pink ball dress. Both also wore masks.

"I see we have some new guests," Link said.

The doors opened again. In came two people in masks and sorcerer's robes. Then came a furry creature in a bright yellow tunic, with a woman who seemed to be trying to avoid having her feet stepped on. Then a whatever in a white and dark purple tunic, waltzing with a lovely lady chicken. Last of all, a young man in a white, green and orange tunic, leading a young woman in a dark bluish-purple dress.

"Come, Morgan." Link took Mildred by the arm and walked with her down to the dance floor. The music abruptly changed to a tango.

For a while, the Camelot contingent did their best to avoid Link, Mildred, Wayne and Wanda. And then...

"Hello, what's this?" Mildred asked down her nose as she collided with Kermit.

Kermit's mask accidentally fell off. "Oops."

Link's face turned purple with rage. "It's King Arthur!"

All of Mordred's guests promptly drew their swords.

"Gratuitous sword fight!" Gonzo yelled happily.

The ball quickly dissolved into a stunning display of swordsmanship, with a few guests getting chucked into the punch bowl by Miss Piggy.

Uncle Deadly took off up a staircase leading to the castle tower. Kermit, Scooter and Fozzie spotted him and took off after. The band started playing the Mission: Impossible theme.

Meanwhile, Nora and Robin were confronting their evil brother.

"I never said that! What I said was, on pain of deaf! I'd make you listen to all your least favorite ballads until you wished you couldn't hear anymore!" Wayne said quickly.

"Come on, Deirdre, haven't I been a good brother to you? And Tristram, I did let you play with my toy dungeon set when we were kids, didn't I?"

"Yeah, you made me play the part of the prisoner," Robin retorted from Nora's shoulder.

"Right, right…but about all this: you don't understand! Mordred made me join him," Wayne sniveled in a tone that fooled no one.

Nora rolled her eyes, shoved Wayne into a potted plant and ran off after the knights.

-----

The knights burst into Llandfyll's lab.

"Not one step further!" Llandfyll roared from his perch next to a gigantic pulsating glass globe. The globe looked a lot like a medieval ray gun, and it was pointed out the window in the direction of Camelot.

Here, people familiar with the play would have realized that Kermit had made changes to the script in the last few days, after what had happened with the Killer Fish.

"Why are you doing this, Llandfyll? I thought this was all Mordred's idea!" Kermit shouted.

"Mordred…ha. The pompous old twit wouldn't know a proper battle plan if it came up and bit him on his silk-clad rump," Uncle Deadly snorted. "This is a new weapon, the future of war. With one tug of the lever, I can turn your precious Camelot to rubble without getting my claws dirty. But I guess you wouldn't care now, would you? You've been moping and doping about and forgetting what's really important. You went on this meaningless quest just to get out of the castle and make yourself look like a pack of heroes." Uncle Deadly threw back his head and laughed. "You've got nothing to live for, Camelot!"

"You're wrong, Llandfyll," Kermit said decisively.

"Say what?"

"We do have something to live for, and we didn't go on this quest just to get out of the castle, even though the knights needed some excitement." Kermit took a deep breath. "We've realized that at Camelot, we've got something very precious that we need to protect. It's not gold, or silver, or…that iron maiden Lancelot's been hankering after." Kermit looked Uncle Deadly straight in the eyes as the others gathered around. "It's each other. And our dreams."

Uncle Deadly's lip curled.

Kermit went on, "And…and we don't care what kind of twisted psychopathic plan you want to use against us. As long as we've got our dreams, and our belief in one another, you can't stop us, Llandfyll."

Uncle Deadly sighed dramatically. "A touching speech. I'll just get this over with, then."

"NOW!" Fozzie, Gonzo and Scooter went running at the globe with their swords outstretched, Nora and Robin went running for the globe's control panel, and Clifford and Skeeter raised their wands just as Uncle Deadly lunged at Kermit and Miss Piggy.

There was an almighty crash and an explosion, and no one really knew what happened next.

"It also helps if you have a sword or something with you, but that's another matter," Fozzie remarked through the cloud of smoke.

"I thought I would have broken you, Arthur King," Uncle Deadly said sourly. "You were too busy chasing after all those assorted quests that you worked yourself into a burnout. I thought this would have been the straw that broke the camel's back."

Gonzo stared at Uncle Deadly. "Are you kidding? This is the most fun we've had in months!"

The malevolent court wizard disappeared in a flash of green sparks.

Slowly, as the smoke cleared and as Kermit regained consciousness in Miss Piggy's arms, the cast went into a reprise of "I Forgot How to Dream."

At the song's end, Gonzo said, "Come on, the ball's still in progress, and the buffet table is loaded!"

The play ended back at Camelot, with a reprise of 'A New-Fashioned Story,' as well as a rendition of 'The Rainbow Connection.'

The audience went wild as everyone came out for curtain calls. First came the ensemble cast. Then came Beauregard and some of the guards. Then came Link, Mildred, Wayne and Wanda.

The audience started to rise to their feet as Skeeter and Clifford appeared and bowed, then Fozzie, Gonzo and Camilla, and Scooter, Nora and Robin. Last of all came Kermit and Miss Piggy.

In the front row, Jim, Jane, Frank, Jerry, Richard and Dave were applauding enthusiastically, as was the reporter.

Sadie, J.P. and Nancy were nearby, as were Nora's family. Mrs. Farley and her husband were one row behind them. Up in the balcony, Auntie Eleanor waved her handkerchief at her mate and Lady Faffner clapped graciously. Wild, Riff and Mimi were practically jumping up and down where they stood.

The cast acknowledged the band and took one final bow before disappearing behind the curtain, high-fiving and hugging each other.

As long as we've got our dreams…and our belief in one another, you can't stop us, Llandfyll…

Nor can you, Killer Fish.

-----

Scooter put his jacket back on and buttoned it up. As he did so, a newspaper on a nearby table caught his eye.

Killer Fish to Face Additional Charges in Boston, the headline read. Mr. Knotworth's face glowered out at the reader from the police photo.

Scooter shivered and turned the paper over.

Richard was right. There were more important things to worry about now. There was one thing in particular that Scooter needed to take care of tonight.

Scooter reached into his backpack and pulled out a large book with the title "The Lost Files of Baker Street" emblazoned across its blue and maroon cover. It was an anthology of lesser-known Sherlock Holmes stories as well as some other stories by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.

Scooter had convinced Mrs. Farley to let him buy it the day before.

He opened the book to the first page, took a red and gold card out of his pocket and placed it between the page and the cover. He closed the book, went out into the backstage area and waited for Nora to appear.

Skeeter dashed by, carrying a gleaming white wicker basket full of radishes - a stage-door gift from the Fraggles. The Electric Mayhem went out the side door in a chorus of "Right on," and "Far out."

Nora appeared from one of the dressing rooms, with her coat draped over one arm. "Tonight's show was the most fun I've had since…well…since whenever!" she beamed. "Don't you think, Scooter?"

Scooter nodded, smiling. "Come here, I've got something for you."

Nora ambled down the stairs and came over just as Scooter took the book out from behind his back.

Nora gasped with delight. "Scooter, where did you get this? I've been looking for this for ages!"

"I asked Mrs. Farley if she had any really good mystery anthologies in stock. She had that one, but I had to twist her arm a bit. I think she was saving it for your birthday or something."

Nora turned the book over in her hands like it was one of the greatest treasures of the world. Which a book is, actually.

"Open it to the first page," Scooter urged her.

Nora opened the book. There was a laminated gold and red card stuck inside the cover. It said: The Muppet Theater: Cast and Crew ID: Nora Brandon, Actor and Stagehand.

"Kermit told me to give that to you. You're officially one of the gang now." Scooter explained. "Truth be told, we've been ready to tell you that for several weeks now, but we wanted to make it a surprise and…ooof!"

Nora cut Scooter off by throwing her arms around his neck and planting a kiss on the surprised gofer's cheek.

"Thank you, Scooter…thank you," Nora mumbled into Scooter's jacket. "This means a whole lot to me."

Scooter looked a little taken aback by Nora's sudden display of affection, but he did what he had wanted to do for some time and gave her a big hug. "This means a whole lot to me too, Nora."

"Come on, you two, let's move it. Cast party at Jim and Jane's in twenty minutes," Skeeter called from the side door.

"Shall we?" Scooter offered Nora his arm, and the two started to join the others.

"I might as well drive up to the state pen and shove my theater card into Mr. Knotworth's face just to spite him," Nora cackled.

"Better not; my uncle's complaining that the insurance rates on this place are high enough," Scooter laughed.

They ran outside to where the others stood by the Mayhem bus. A short distance away, Jim and Jane pulled up in the black van. Frank, Jerry, Richard and Dave came outside and climbed in moments later, along with the reporter. The doors swung shut and the van started out of the parking lot.

The Mayhem bus followed as soon as the last passenger got on board. The two vehicles roared off into the night, both to Jim and Jane Henson's home and into the end of this story.


The End (for now).

-----

(Scooter and the others come out from behind the curtain, amid thunderous applause. Scooter is holding a large bouquet of mostly blue and white flowers.)

Scooter: Hold it, everyone, someone we need to tell you about before we officially end the story. You all know the reporter who was in the audience at the show, but mostly under another name. And she's more than just the reporter; she's the author as well. Put your hands together for Erin Roll, a.k.a. Muppet Newsgirl.

(M.N. comes out on stage. Scooter hands her the flowers.)

Muppet Newsgirl (Erin Roll): Thank you Scooter, they're beautiful. (addresses the cast) You guys were nothing short of excellent. (to readers) Guys… what can I say, I had a lot of fun doing this story, and I hoped you had just as much fun reading it. Thanks for bearing with me through fire, flood and Fish!

-----

Final note: I dedicate this story to Jim Henson and Richard Hunt, who showed us how to laugh and to dream. :) ;)

[ReneeLouvier]

I loved it!!!! *Thunderous applause*

[The Count]

Yep... A rully great story... Stemming from all the insanity in the fanfic community the last two months... And tieing it all in a different POV. Rully good story Erin... Look forward to whatever's next. Oh, and if you want, you can always come and join us at the dorms, just remember to contact me first since I'm kinda of the manager of the place.
Thanks for the story and have a great day.

[Muppet Newsgirl]

Thanks, Count. And I might just swing by the dorms sometime. I'll let you know for sure first, that is.

Now what the deuce am I going to do after this one...well, I kinda have an idea that has the Muppet cast playing a live game of Clue...with typically insane side effects. I'll fill you in if I decide to go with it.

[The Count]

Sure thing... If you decide to join, I'm sure we'd be happy to have you.
Next story huh? So long as it's good and Muppety, it'll be a hit with the critics.
Statler and Waldorf: "Dont bet on it!"

[TogetherAgain]

WOW!

Okay, I FINALLY read this... I'm sorry I'm so late... but I just LOVE it!!! <Hugs the whole story> It's awesome and funny and heartwrenching and heartstopping and "Oh I'm sorry, you didn't need to know how to breathe, did you?" and SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Oh I love it!

[Muppet Newsgirl]

(blushes in a desperate attempt to look humble) Heartstopping, eh? I guess I should have posted a defibrillator along with the story!

Glad to hear that you loved it!

[The Count]

Oh... Sure hope we can maybe get some commentary for this thrilling escapade. Or maybe a new story altogether from the pen of Erin?
Well, don't mind me, moving on to the next story on the list.

7 stories stacked up on the table so far.