ASK THE GREAT FOZZINI (Spring 2004 Ed.) [Archive]

Fozzie Bear

02-22-2005, 04:36 PM

(Just imagine Fozzie Bear in a Great Carsoni costume and...)

HIYA HIYA HIYA!! HAA!

Okay, it's that time of year again when all your questions of advice and want of knowledge of the cosmos and the future to be posed to ME!

Your GREAT FOZZINI!!

I've had plenty of time to reach into my trunk of tricks and knowledge and will be consulting any number of these items to tell your fortune, advise your questions and personalize your queries of the cosmos!

These articles of my magic trunk are my
INTERGALACTIC PORKPIE HAT (Here I am with it here----> :o )
CRYSTAL BANANA
The Spirit of Billy the Psychic Rubber Chicken
FORENSIC FUZZY-NOSE GLASSES

Questions must be clean, cannot be politically/religiously based, and can be questions about yourself as far as advice you need, or your future.

You CANNOT ask:
Chicken questions 1) Crossing roads, 2) or which comes first chicken/egg.
Don't ask about the..heh heh...the ban...ha ha...Banan..HA HA HA!! SKETCH BWAH HA HA HA!!! OH MAN!! It's hilarious. Oh, man...phew! Anyway, we've discussed the Banana Sketch before is why.

I'll try to answer everyone's questions at least once a week!

So, start asking questions for advice and about your future from your own:
THE GREAT FOZZINI!

christyb

02-22-2005, 04:39 PM

Ok, Great Fozzini. Will I ever stick to one major??? (totally random and designed to get the ball rolling)

Fozzie Bear

02-22-2005, 04:53 PM

Will I ever stick to one major???

Depends if you join the military and decide not to go for a Lieutenant!

NEXT!

whatadoddle

02-22-2005, 05:54 PM

Will I ever be loved by a chicken?

Erine81981

02-22-2005, 09:14 PM

Is there any frogs that dance and sing for me to get rich on?

DanDanStrawberry

02-23-2005, 11:16 AM

If I danced with a Swedish goose, would I catch malaria? And if yes, would it help if I danced a tango rather than a waltz?

Harvey Towers

02-23-2005, 02:12 PM

What goes tick-tick woof?

Fozzie Bear

02-24-2005, 01:48 PM

Will I ever be loved by a chicken?

If you sprinkle bread crumbs over yourself, yes. Otherwise, I do not see love in your future! Besides that, the kids would look plain weird!

Is there any frogs that dance and sing for me to get rich on?

None left, but I've heard of a lizard who sells insurance.

If I danced with a Swedish goose, would I catch malaria? And if yes, would it help if I danced a tango rather than a waltz?

Neither dance would cause you to get malaria nor would it be good with a goose, but after touching a goose and you don't wash your hands you could get salmanilla (and I don't mean the monkey).

What goes tick-tick woof?

A watch-dog!

You should know better than to ask a joke of THE GREAT (comedian) FOZZINI!!

Next question(s)?

theprawncracker

02-24-2005, 07:14 PM

O Great Fonzinni will Palisades toys realese the Sal Manilla action figure

DanDanStrawberry

02-25-2005, 01:42 PM

In correspondance with ThePrawnCracker's question, will we get salmonella from Sal Minalla?

Erine81981

02-25-2005, 11:28 PM

Do you have fraggle map?

Fozzie Bear

02-26-2005, 09:36 AM

O Great Fonzinni will Palisades toys realese the Sal Manilla action figure

All answers point to no.

In correspondance with ThePrawnCracker's question, will we get salmonella from Sal Minalla?

See above, for without you cannot get.

Do you have fraggle map?

No, but I got this AARP deal I once borrowed from an old woman who died. Want it?

Luke

02-26-2005, 04:27 PM

O Great Fozzini

Whatever happened to Billy the Psychic Rubber Chicken?

Fozzie Bear

02-26-2005, 08:31 PM

O Great Fozzini

Whatever happened to Billy the Psychic Rubber Chicken?

His rubber dry-rotted and he died; nowadays, we consult the spirit of Billy the Psychic Rubber Chicken and...OH!

he's sending us a message now! SPEAK TO US, OH SPIRIT OF BILLY THE PSYCHIC RUBBER CHICKEN!!

The message is clear and he wants the message shared, and that enlightening message is:

"Cluck."

Erine81981

02-27-2005, 12:22 AM

Do you think that the new SS channel will be avaible for Dish Network?

Beauregard

02-27-2005, 09:44 AM

Hello Great Fonzzie on the weirdo network,

Is bladness the first sign of aging? And will I show this sign in the near future?

From, The One With Long Golden Locks

JaniceFerSure

02-27-2005, 12:18 PM

Will the muppets have a good year in 2005?

Fozzie Bear

03-01-2005, 04:03 PM

Do you think that the new SS channel will be avaible for Dish Network?

I think it should be, or someone needs to be kicked in the shin!

Hello Great Fonzzie on the weirdo network, Is bladness the first sign of aging? And will I show this sign in the near future?

With the passing of each sun that you see represents a sign of aging, for as every day passes that is one day older you become--unless you die. Thusly, no: balding is not a sign of aging. Will you show signs in the near future? If you get stressed out enough and start pulling it out, sooner than you think, pal!

Will the muppets have a good year in 2005?

Originally, the crystal banana wants to give me a sign that says "Under helm of Disney, that answer is unclear;" however, the sign flipped and I am seeing that there is a bright light at the end of a confusing labyrinth, many smiles and much happiness lie in this year. Yet a single tear drops...the crystal banana has gone blank.

Erine81981

03-01-2005, 09:31 PM

Oh Great Fozzini,

What action figures are you going to want to see in the new SS figures?

Magellan

03-03-2005, 07:08 PM

how awesome is the new fraggle DVD going to be compared to the 1st one?

Whatever

03-03-2005, 09:15 PM

Will chickens take over the world? Will I see you next week?

Beauregard

03-04-2005, 07:41 AM

WHat is the proportion of cococola in comparason to the second half of a divided multipication of thriteen penguins?

Fozzie Bear

03-04-2005, 02:24 PM

Oh Great Fozzini, What action figures are you going to want to see in the new SS figures?

This is more opinion than a question of the cosmos, but basically I would like to see classic characters over variants, including obscurities such as Sherlock Hemlock; however, as far as producing the obscure characters Palisades has shown they have guts and are not afraid to do it. After all, rumor has it that Roosevelt Franklin is in S2.

how awesome is the new fraggle DVD going to be compared to the 1st one?

Not at all. It isn't a season set yet.

Will chickens take over the world? Will I see you next week?

Definitely, and possibly. The fates have control over this one.

WHat is the proportion of cococola in comparason to the second half of a divided multipication of thriteen penguins?

B-flat to the second power.

Beauregard

03-04-2005, 03:29 PM

B-flat to the second power.

This questian is in responce to your amazing anser. If my former questian results in the sum being divised as B-flat to the second power, why is it taht when tripping over thirteen chickens in the basement of monumental time and power we fall into the depths of dispair?

ryhoyarbie

03-05-2005, 12:02 AM

Hey Kev...I mean Fozzini.

I'm about to graduate from college this May. Is there anything else I need to know before I get my diploma?

ryan

Fozzie Bear

03-08-2005, 01:51 PM

This questian is in responce to your amazing anser. If my former questian results in the sum being divised as B-flat to the second power, why is it taht when tripping over thirteen chickens in the basement of monumental time and power we fall into the depths of dispair?

I'm glad you asked me that. Similarly, when one is quadrant with chickens and pengui, the summation of the B-flat to the second power results in an "n"th degree desperation, not necessarily that of a dispairing depth. Thusly, when cross-indexing the "n"th degree with the B-flat, multiplied by the sequencing genetic codes of both the avian species of your enigmatic infinism will result in a division of 5, and the multiplying factor of "X"squared, so that your finality will result in a return of the answer of B-flat, minus one, equalling simply B, or the cookie of the day.

I'm about to graduate from college this May. Is there anything else I need to know before I get my diploma?

Yes. Before you walk across the stage before you accept your diploma, be SURE you lift the front of the gown before you get to the steps, or you might fall down in front of ALL THOSE PEOPLE who will be watching you. That's embarassing, and they might just take your diploma back.

DanDanStrawberry

03-09-2005, 10:23 AM

How do you feel about being taken over by Eric Jacobson? What do you mean he's not really Fozzie? Look at his screen-name! What do you mean? No- you're the dellusional one!

Beauregard

03-09-2005, 11:30 AM

Dwear Fuzzy,

Is der eny chanse I'll won dayah lern me tu spel?

__

Interupted fur eny won what carres:

Mep (see I carn't evan spel Meep) mep, mj, macklby. (ant I gut dat all rong tu.)

Erine81981

03-09-2005, 01:03 PM

Dear Fuzzy was he was a bear,

If I'm sick today, will I feel better tomorrow and the next day?

christyb

03-09-2005, 02:15 PM

Oh great, Fozzini...

Will I ever "grow up" as my mother says? And if it is inevitable how can I prevent it??

pheonix

03-09-2005, 03:32 PM

O great fozzini *hastily bows ands falls flat on face then gets up, clears throat*

Will i ever rise from the ashes? and if so what would i become?:confused:

Beakerfan

03-10-2005, 07:48 PM

Great Fozzini! Will my mouth ever be rid of this awful metal? And in light of that.... Will I ever be able to eat whatever I want again?!?

Erine81981

03-10-2005, 09:01 PM

Great Fozzini! Will my mouth ever be rid of this awful metal? And in light of that.... Will I ever be able to eat whatever I want again?!?

Ugh....braces. Never had them but....I can't think about it.

pheonix

03-11-2005, 09:03 AM

Fozzie Bear

03-11-2005, 02:06 PM

O yeah... Oh great fozzini *decides not to bow but tilt cap in a cockney 'alrite guv' way* if the world stopped spinning would water stop spinning around a drain before it went down the plug-hole? If not then would jelly? Sorry but i felt a bit random today!

Jelly is too thick and would not spin, and as long as we have gravity we will have water spinning down the drain (http://www.abc.net.au/science/k2/moments/s1244639.htm). However, if the world quit spinning, many people would be left in the dark, while the rest of us would get sunburns.

Great Fozzini! Will my mouth ever be rid of this awful metal? And in light of that.... Will I ever be able to eat whatever I want again?!?

Yes, and yes. Just be careful that you don't eat too much. Tummy-ache city!

O great fozzini *hastily bows ands falls flat on face then gets up, clears throat* Will i ever rise from the ashes? and if so what would i become?

Soot.

Oh great, Fozzini...Will I ever "grow up" as my mother says? And if it is inevitable how can I prevent it??

Unfortunately, we all mature, but some of us never grow up and in that case we are called dwarfs. In order to remain a dwarf, it is imperative that you live each day of your life standing on your feet with 500 pounds of bricks on your head and shoulders. That will shrink you and keep you from ever growing up.

Dear Fuzzy was he was a bear, If I'm sick today, will I feel better tomorrow and the next day?

Rest, drink plenty of fluids, keep food on your tummy, don't get too hot or too cold, and blow your nose, and you'll be just fine. Unless you've been run over by a steam roller.

Dwear Fuzzy, Is der eny chanse I'll won dayah lern me tu spel?

No.

How do you feel about being taken over by Eric Jacobson? What do you mean he's not really Fozzie? Look at his screen-name! What do you mean? No- you're the dellusional one!

I need a drink...

christyb

03-11-2005, 02:12 PM

*hands the great Fozzini a drink*
Here ya go! One last question....
So if I gotta mature, that means I can't play my Muppet and Fraggle Music as loud as my car stereo will go and blast my mother away when she drives my car anymore? *takes breath*

Fozzie Bear

03-18-2005, 01:54 PM

So if I gotta mature, that means I can't play my Muppet and Fraggle Music as loud as my car stereo will go and blast my mother away when she drives my car anymore?

Absolutely not!

More questions, folks? :o

Aaron

03-18-2005, 02:00 PM

how does it feel to be a moderator

Beauregard

03-21-2005, 08:02 AM

Will I learn to drive? And if so, drive what? Car? Motorbike? Hot-Air Baloon? Somthing else?

Fozzie Bear

03-21-2005, 09:41 AM

how does it feel to be a moderator

You'll have to ask Kevin that question, for I am THE GREAT FOZZINI!!

Will I learn to drive? And if so, drive what? Car? Motorbike? Hot-Air Baloon? Somthing else?

Yes! Cattle!

Beauregard

03-21-2005, 11:41 AM

Oh great one,

If I admit in the "Wheel of Fortune" thread that I have forgotten what my puzzle was, will people forgive me?

Erine81981

03-21-2005, 01:03 PM

Oh great Fozzini of Muppet Central,

Will anyone every answer my thread called "Sesame Street Collectibles Guide?" I worry about myself sometimes.

Fozzie Bear

03-21-2005, 10:21 PM

If I admit in the "Wheel of Fortune" thread that I have forgotten what my puzzle was, will people forgive me?

Sure, after the lynching!

Will anyone every answer my thread called "Sesame Street Collectibles Guide?" I worry about myself sometimes.

Go back and post this in your "Sesame Street Collectibles Guide?" thread: "Help me! PLEASE!" Because I worry about you, too!

SOMEONE! BECKON THE KNOWLEDGE OF THE COSMOS!
I mean, I paid $8.00 for this crystal banana, we need to check it out and gaze into the future!

G-MAN

03-22-2005, 03:10 AM

Oh Great Fozzini, i must ask this question, who on Lost will not make it to the second season? And if you cant answer that one, will i ever find true love?

Beauregard

03-22-2005, 03:49 AM

*bows so low ends up doing a forward roll and pretends was meant to in the first place as gets up with grace and, er, style*

Great one,

Do you see the future of football (soccor) outlivinging American Football?

Fozzie Bear

03-22-2005, 02:47 PM

Oh Great Fozzini, i must ask this question, who on Lost will not make it to the second season? And if you cant answer that one, will i ever find true love?

I won't destroy your fair ending of this season's Lost, but I will tell you that you will be surprised at their choice. And, yes, you will. But not soon. Unless you buy a chicken farm tomorrow...

Great one, Do you see the future of football (soccor) outlivinging American Football?

I see them dying side-by-side, but out-living hockey (unfortunately). However, ballfoot will always be around!

In case you didn't know, ballfoot is the shortening of one's foot by constantly kicking something. I have thinkbrain, in which my brain shrinks from not enough...um...huh?

G-MAN

04-12-2005, 04:53 PM

Oh, Great Fozzini, Who put the bomp in the bomp-de-bomp-de-bomp? In a related question, Who put the ram in the ram-a-lam-a-ding-dong?

Fozzie Bear

04-13-2005, 09:43 AM

Oh, Great Fozzini, Who put the bomp in the bomp-de-bomp-de-bomp? In a related question, Who put the ram in the ram-a-lam-a-ding-dong?

Same guy who put the bop in the "bop-she-bop-she-bop" and the dip in the "dip da dip da dip." Who was that man? I wanna shake his hand! He made my baby fall in love with me!

Two guys, actually: Barry Mann and Gerry Goffin

http://lyrics.webfitz.com/index.php?option=com_webfitzlyrics&Itemid=27&func=fullview&lyricsid=4218

christyb

04-13-2005, 09:46 AM

Oh great fozzini, Will this semester ever end? and one more... Will I ever find something to do with my life that'll make both me and my mother happy?

sugarbritchez

04-13-2005, 09:47 AM

Oh Great Fozzini......it has been awhile since I have come before you, wanting your all mighty knowledge........

But I need to know........what exactly makes Pigs fall in love with Frogs?

Fozzie Bear

04-13-2005, 02:59 PM

Oh great fozzini, Will this semester ever end? and one more... Will I ever find something to do with my life that'll make both me and my mother happy?

The semester will end, surely. However, when you ASK for it to end, be careful how you ask as it could be detrimental even. In other words, I wouldn't say, "I want this semester to end." Because that is an open ended request and the results could be anything from graduation to falling off a bridge in Kukamonga. I would say, "I will be happy when summer vacation comes and I no longer have the responsibility of classes from this semester because I have graduated from them with high honors and grades and my success will be eminent!"

Unless you're a pessimist, and you've already said, "I'm dead."

Oh Great Fozzini......it has been awhile since I have come before you, wanting your all mighty knowledge........

INDEED! YOU HAVE RECOGNIZED GREATNESS IN THE WORLD OF THE ALL KNOWING WHO happen to use ghosts of dead rubber chickens and crystal bananas...ahem...

But I need to know........what exactly makes Pigs fall in love with Frogs?

It's hormonal, and has only ever happened once in the history of the world. And bon-bons. Lots and lots of bon-bons.

pheonix

04-13-2005, 04:51 PM

O great fozzini *curtseys coz its safer, hurts leg and decides to just say it*

Do i follow my dream and stick it to the world? or the cat? and should i give up or move on?:o

i need your mighty wisdom plz tell me, is life worth it without a head?

theprawncracker

04-13-2005, 07:49 PM

Oh Great and Powerful Fozzini...
If I don't see Star Wars on May 19th and don't see Muppet Wizard of Oz on May 20th (don't worry I'm TiVo'ing it) will I live?

Fozzie Bear

04-14-2005, 09:18 AM

O great fozzini *curtseys coz its safer, hurts leg and decides to just say it* Do i follow my dream and stick it to the world? or the cat? and should i give up or move on? i need your mighty wisdom plz tell me, is life worth it without a head?

I answer with a question: What's the worth of ever dreaming if you don't make them come true? If you question your motives, are you sure the path you're taking is really the path you want to follow? Then again, do you question the content of your dreams and goals and if so Consider these questions, but don't lose your head over it.

Oh Great and Powerful Fozzini...If I don't see Star Wars on May 19th and don't see Muppet Wizard of Oz on May 20th (don't worry I'm TiVo'ing it) will I live?

You will live. There will be a long run of the film after the 19th, and besides TiVo you have an opportunity to buy the DVD later in the year for both films. But, if you take cyanide before either air? No. You won't live.

Beauregard

04-19-2005, 01:07 PM

Does your chewing gum lose it's flavor on the bed post over night?

And,

If your mumma says to spit it out, should you swallow out'a spite?

christyb

04-19-2005, 01:44 PM

Oh great Fozzini, I am seeking an answer to a question that we all want to know... How the heck did I become...wed to Beau, Vics mother, and sibling to Eduardo?

Beauregard

04-19-2005, 01:50 PM

Fonzie Greatness...

I have aquestian...how did I come to be a father of Dave and stuck with a strange sister Dan-Dan, with a wife Christy and half a dozen relatives plus a dog and a yak...

Fozzie Bear

04-20-2005, 11:44 AM

Does your chewing gum lose it's flavor on the bed post over night? And, If your mumma says to spit it out, should you swallow out'a spite?

Do as your mother told you to do and you shall be prosperous (and avoid a spanking).

Oh great Fozzini, I am seeking an answer to a question that we all want to know... How the heck did I become...wed to Beau, Vics mother, and sibling to Eduardo?

Fonzie Greatness...I have aquestian...how did I come to be a father of Dave and stuck with a strange sister Dan-Dan, with a wife Christy and half a dozen relatives plus a dog and a yak...

Simple: Bad Karma.

christyb

04-20-2005, 11:47 AM

Oh great Fozzini...on another board I have been tricked into doing something a lot like this thread. I'm wondering if you mind?

Fozzie Bear

04-20-2005, 12:23 PM

Oh great Fozzini...on another board I have been tricked into doing something a lot like this thread. I'm wondering if you mind?

This is copyrighted. You owe me $9,427,366.27. I'll put it on your tab.

christyb

04-20-2005, 12:26 PM

Ouch, that means my fare is going to go up. Can I set up some form of payment plan?? You know you get my first child type of thing?

Fozzie Bear

04-21-2005, 03:35 PM

Ew! No. But, I'll send you my car notes to pay...

THE GREAT FOZZINI MUST MAKE AN ANNOUNCEMENT:
Due to a recent falling out with Billy, who used to be a friend and who fell into drugs and alcohol too deeply for the rest of us to pull him back from his new crowd (and THE GREAT FOZZINI suggest you DO NOT follow his lead) and the namesake of The Spirit of Billy the Psychic Rubber Chicken, the character of The Spirit of Billy the Psychic Rubber Chicken is hereafter being left in the hereafter and being retired from all future Fozzini games.

Instead, the character will be replaced by Groucho the Rubber Chicken (who isn't psychic just yet, so we cannot refer to him for answers from the Great Beyond, but we will refer to him).

Still, I've had plenty of time to reach into my trunk of tricks and knowledge and will be consulting any number of these items to tell your fortune, advise your questions and personalize your queries of the cosmos!

These articles of my magic trunk are my
INTERGALACTIC PORKPIE HAT (Here I am with it here----> :o )
CRYSTAL BANANA
FORENSIC FUZZY-NOSE GLASSES
and...
Groucho, The Rubber Chicken

Ask away folks...

Vic Romano

06-14-2005, 12:26 PM

Fozzie Bear

06-14-2005, 02:32 PM

Oh wise and powerful Fozzini:
How do you politely tell your co-worker that his breath is so bad it could strip the varnish off a foot locker? This is a real problem I got and I'm about to die from holding my breath, help! :eek:

Indeed, The Great Fozzini knows what it is to be suffered by the breath of a co-worker!

In my case, my desk is against the wall, and opposite where customers and others sit, I have a small fan which I turn on as I say, "I'm a little warm, pardon me a second." Thusly, body odors (internal or external), including smokers or drunks, the scent is then blown away by the fan.

In other cases, I do keep mints on hand for myself (I'm paranoid about bad breath) or others (who need it!). You take one yourself and then you offer them one, "I love these mints; try one." If they refuse, look them in the eye and say, "Please, try one." If they continue to refuse, you say, "Look, please, have one. You need it! Something died in your mouth and it's really funky!"

If they continue to refuse, call the EPA.

Harvey Towers

06-14-2005, 02:59 PM

Foz,

How do you explain to your co-worker that the two of you are stuck in an endless succession of ridiculously outlandish jobs, probably never to escape?

Fozzie Bear

06-15-2005, 09:56 AM

Foz,

How do you explain to your co-worker that the two of you are stuck in an endless succession of ridiculously outlandish jobs, probably never to escape?

I say, "There's no way out. We're doomed." And she agrees.

Beakerfan

06-15-2005, 01:42 PM

Hey Fozzini, when you run for president next election, which party will you be running for?

theprawncracker

06-25-2005, 05:29 PM

Oh great Fozzini! Will I be happy with my family's move?

Beakerfan

06-25-2005, 05:38 PM

Hey, Foz. How long will it take?

Fozzie Bear

07-08-2005, 12:20 PM

INDEED! Thine wanderers of knowledge necessities have born forth your questions bequesting the response of The Great Fozzini who, in all his infiniteness prolly should start checking the threads he starts more often...

WITHOUT FURTHER DELAY!!!!

Hey Fozzini, when you run for president next election, which party will you be running for? Hey, Foz. How long will it take?

While the only political interest I have results in my ruling the world, I will be running as a candidate for the Birthday Party! CAKE FOR ALL!!!!

And it takes as long as it takes for me to find the thread again...silly bear that I am.

Oh great Fozzini! Will I be happy with my family's move?

A-HAH! You ask a question of your Great Fozzini which requires us to check into the future!! Therefore and hence-to-thither, I bring out of my trunk THE CRYSTAL BANANA! As I gaze into the crystal banana, I see a picket fence, and a barn with a weather vane; a running horse and an elderly woman whose face is care-worn, and she's wearing an apron and...wait! Sorry, I need to change the frequency.

THERE! I see... The answer is originally there will be some adjusting, and in that adjustment you will have inner anxieties which make you question the move, but be quick to make new friends for that will be the main step toward your happiness. Your new friends will lend themselves subconsiously as a means to your coping, and ultimately (and sooner than you think) you will be pleased with the move.

redBoobergurl

07-08-2005, 01:09 PM

Oh Great Fozzini, will I survive a trip to Canada with 15 teenagers later this month? Will we be forced to stay there forever because it's hard getting back into the US?

Fozzie Bear

07-08-2005, 02:23 PM

Oh Great Fozzini, will I survive a trip to Canada with 15 teenagers later this month? Will we be forced to stay there forever because it's hard getting back into the US?

Gazing into the Crystal Banana I foresee that the trip will be successful--just take lots of extra strength aspirin. One person going shall be yelled at, and will rightfully deserve it! I see you getting back into the US, but LO! Someone shall be questioned...