This is a Muppet Newsflash!

[Fozzie Bear]

In the style of the Muppet Newsman, type in a report...a quick few sentences...to announce a Muppet Newsflash!

Example:
---------

THIS IS A MUPPET NEWSFLASH!

There will be a recount on the votes regarding the election of Paper or Plastic. It seems that incumbent votes were mysteriously written in for cardboard boxes. When asked about the mysterious votes, the cardboard box had no comment.

Who writes this stuff?
--------------

Next Newsflash?

[Philo and Gunge]

This is a Muppet Newsflash!

Reports are saying that a Mr. Lew Zealand has the paper towels. BUT, what color are their hands now and who has the peanut butter?

[Beauregard]

THIS IS A MUPPET NEWS FLASH:

In recent days a mysterious new Fraggle Animal has taken over Fraggle Rock, it appears to be a cross between a Dozer and a Bull, wait, how can this be?

Oh, sorry, I read that wrong.

*ah hum*

A Fraggle rock band had been taken over by a Bull-Dozer.

*sound of loud rock music*

*a bulldozer bursts into the newsroom, knocking down the Newsman, and blaring loud rock music*

Oh, bother...

[MockMockChef]

HERE IS A MUPPET NEWSFLASH!


For the first time in history, a invention of Muppet labs WORKS!
The invention of Muppet Labs was an on batteries working airplane.

Voice of Bunsen:Take a parachute!The batteries are not charghed!
The airplane goes fall down!
Beaker yells :eek: and jumps out the airplane without parachute
The Newsman says:Oh No!
Beaker lands in the studio on the head of the Newsman.The Newsman is knock-out.Bunsen says:It's good, you land on somthing soft.
And when the Newsman says:Where am i!
falls the airplane on his head and hes back knock-out.
Then comes Bunsen in the studio and says:Next time whe wil use charged batteries!

[Beauregard]

This is a MUPPET NEWS FLASH:

The stage lights are not working, which is why I m reporting from the dark. Kermit the frog has run down to Sesame Street to try to bring back The Count von Count who will provide a lighting show until we get the lights back on.

KERMIT: All right, Count your on in five

*the Count runs right in*

COUNT: Five, that's five seconds, four, three, oh I love it, two, one...Ah, ha, ah

*A bolt of lighting strikes the newsman*

*and another*

COUNT: Two, that's two bolts of lighting! Ah, ha, ah

*and another, and another, and another.....*

NEWSMAN: Heeeelp

SCOOTER: Hey, Newzy, Lighten up

*and another...*

[MockMockChef]

THIS IS A MUPPET NEWSFLASH!

For the first time in history, a invention of Muppet labs WORKS!
The invention of Muppet Labs was an on batteries working airplane.

Voice of Bunsen:Take a parachute!The batteries are not charghed!
The airplane goes fall down!
Beaker yells :eek: and jumps out the airplane without parachute
The Newsman says:Oh No!
Beaker lands in the studio on the head of the Newsman.The Newsman is knock-out.Bunsen says:No resen to worry, you land on somthing soft.
Then says the Newsman:Where am i! and falls the airplane on his head and hes back knock-out.

(This is the good version.When i saw the fould in the other it was to late to edit. :o )

[ryhoyarbie]

Here is a Muppet News Flash!

A string of people walked into the oval office of the White House today and demanded to know why Bush didn't have security in place in stopping the people coming in. Bush later boarded the entrance to the oval officer from outside. He later realized the next morning he couldn't get into the office to do his work. Then Nelson from the Simpsons came up and laughed at him.

ryan

[Beauregard]

This is a Muppet NEws Flash:

You are all weirdos.

*gets attacked by Gonzo and Gonzo's kind*

[Philo and Gunge]

This is a Muppet Newsflash

Reports are coming in from all over the world complaining about false news. Sorces say they are coming with blow torches and chainsaws to the Muppet Newsroom. And that's the news for tonight! (all the people come with blow torches and chainsaws)

[Crazy Harry]

THIS IS A MUPPET NEWS FLASH:

The Muppet Theater's catering servece has forgoten the pizza. Not to worry, as a plane is on it's way here to drop off it's supplies before landing.

*checks the papers*

Drop off it's supplies before landing? Shouldn't that be the other way arou…

*gets burried by pizzas from the sky*

[Beauregard]

*Newsman enters wearing only a large mac*

This is a Muppet News Flash

*screen goes black*

[Crazy Harry]

THIS IS A MUPPET NEWS FLASH:

*Gonzo runs in and takes the Newsman's photo*

I'm blind.

[Fozzie Bear]

THIS IS A MUPPET NEWS FLASH!

Agriculturists are saying that right now is the time of year you want to plant those fast growing pumpkins, because before long all the kingdoms will be having a ball and you don't want your daughter to have to walk there. We've also been warned that all the fairy godmothers of the world are on strike, so grow 'em big and add wheels.

*looks offstage*

This isn't news, people! Who's our researcher? Hans Christian Anderson?

[Beauregard]

This is a Muppet News Flash

*sneezes*

Acording to unfoudned rumers...

*blows nose*

...all of this contry...

*sneezes*

...has been infected by terrorist...

*blwos nose, sneezes, blows nose*

...terrorist versions of the common...

*sneezes*

...cold.

CUT TO: A large screen is being watched by milling shoppers. Teh newsflash is being shown on the screen.

*All the shopeprs sneeze towards the screen*

CUT TO: Newsroom

*newsman gets blown away*

[tutter_fan]

(News music starts playing)

THIS IS A MUPPET NEWSFLASH!!!!!

Sirens close to the muppet show theatre have been going off for days! When will it end! (A federal thunderbolt muppet character comes in and blasts the newsman out of the news room!) ;) ;)

[Fozzie Bear]

THIS IS A MUPPET NEWS FLASH!

In the wake of hurricanes Charlie, Francis, and Ivan comes Hurricane Elvis! While the others are dumping tons of rain and ripping cities apart with high winds, Hurrican Elvis is burying folks under tons of fried peanut butter sandwiches, Jelly rolls, and bacon.

*The food is dumped on him*

Oh, man. And this was my good suit.

[DanDanStrawberry]

THIS IS A MUPPET NEWSFLASH:-

I am a big ugly fool and I smell, and I like to... HEY! WHO TAMPERED WITH THE AUTO-CUE!! THAT'S IT... I QUIT!!!

(Music plays and newsman storms out of the studio angrily)

:boo: :- Hey, that was the most truthful thing I've ever heard on the show!
:sleep: :- I dunno, they once said the show was bad
:boo: :- DO HO HO HO!

[Lisa D]

Here's a Muppet News Flash:

Scientists report that the use of electric shocks on lab rats may cause an increase in efficiency and productivity. In a related story, lab rats report that electric shocks on lab rats may cause an increase in rat bites among scientists

[Fozzie Bear]

HA HA HA!! Funny, Lisa!!

[JaniceFerSure]

THIS IS A MUPPET NEWS FLASH: This just in from Baltimore,Maryland. Many people have been fainting all over,not realizing that they were smelling fumes from the new limburger cheese plant. I thought they were smelling me at first.<leaving desk & heard off-screen> Hey,who added that line?!

[Lisa D]

Why thank you! :D

[JaniceFerSure]

This is a Muppet News Flash: In the news: Driving roads everwhere have a new 'twist' added to them.Considering that a rollercoaster designer has been made the Head of Inner-State Highways,people are stating they now get to their destinations quicker,but not in one piece. *shakes head & leaves desk*

[Docnzhoss]

THIS IS A MUPPET NEWS FLASH!

A woodchuck that could chuck wood chucked a chunk of wood and the chucked wood chunk collapsed on a rubber baby buggy bumper. There is currently a standoff between woodchucks and baby buggy drivers and authorities are at a loss...(baby buggy drivers and woodchucks enter the studio and a riot ensues. Newsman is trampled)

[GonzoLeaper]

(Newsman is at his usual desk, but now has DELL Windows XP PC in the background)
Newsman: "This is a Muppet NewsFlash! Computer users everywhere are reportedly being greeted with a new message when they log onto the Internet with America Online. Instead of the usual "You've Got Mail!" greeting, people are reportedly being greeted with "You've got hail!" and then being buried in a pile of rocks. These reports have yet to be confirmed."
(Newsman turns to his computer to check his E-mail)
(Talking to himself)Newsman: "That's the craziest thing I've ever heard."
(Newsman logs onto AOL)
(Background Voice): "You've got hail!"
(Newsman is buried in a pile of rocks)
Newsman: Aaaahhhh!!!!



Yeah, I know it's corny, but aren't they all? :D Besides, the corny ones are usually the really funny ones anyway. :halo: :)

[Docnzhoss]

When it comes to News flashes, the more corn the better.

This is a Muppet News Flash!
The government is training a corps of ears of corn to act as international spies. These ears of corn are learning to track down potentially dangerous individuals, especially those in the media who have influence over many people (ears of corn begin popping up behind him and glaring at him). I want you all to know that this is the most ridiculous concept I've ever heard. I'll trust an ear of corn the same day I trust a turtle to take...(ears of corn give a war cry and tackle the Newsman).

[DanDanStrawberry]

This is a muppet newsflash! It has been reported that one in 5 buildings have a layer of billions of angry cats under their floorboards. So next time you hear squeaking and scratching from your ceiling it is probably...

* Thousands of cats land on him *

Erm...Ouch.

[Docnzhoss]

This is a Muppet Newsflash!

There are strange things afoot this Halloween season. It appears that monsters disguised as trick-or-treaters disguised as monsters are showing up on people's doorsteps demanding candy, seven-course meals and...people. Be on the lookout for these monsters disguised as trick-or-treaters disguised as monsters. (Doorbell rings. Newsman goes to the door and opens it. Outside are three trick-or-treaters [obviously monsters in disguise]).

Newsman: Well, hello there trick-or-treaters, don't you all look so cute! Here's some candy-

Trick-or-treater #1: Hey, do you have any filet mignon?

Trick-or-treater #2: Or how about soup and sandwich?

Newsman: Well, no I...

Trick-or-treater #3: Well, then we'll just eat you!!!!!!

Newsman: No, not me, I...waahh!

[DanDanStrawberry]

This is a Muppet Newsflash. Today it was reported that old men keep appearing out of people's hats. So watch out for that. In an unrelated topic, I hope my viewers like this lovely new hat I've bought

* Statler and Waldorf pop out of his hat *

Statler: This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen!!
Waldorf: I dont know. I quite like it
Statler: Please, the only thing you could ever use a hat for is covering up the bald!!

[Beauregard]

This is a Muppet News Flash:

Today there is no news because nothing disasterous has happened. Yet.

*Gets hit by lightning*

Bother.

[Docnzhoss]

This is a Muppet News Flash!
I'm sad to say that due to an overbearing diet of milk and cookies, Santa Claus is too fat to fly in his sleigh, resulting in the cancellation of Christmas this year. Yes, it's a sad time to be a...wait a second, this just in! Santa Claus has employed twelve new tiny reindeer and a bull-necked, red-nosed-juiced-up reindeer to lead his sleigh! Santa has reportedly been spotted on radar locally and (a loud crash is heard above the Newsman and a grotesquely large Santa falls on top of him. In a muffled voice, we hear "Welcome back, Santa").

[JaniceFerSure]

<Newsman entering screen,running to his desk>

This is a Muppet Newsflash!

*reading* Dateline,now: This just in Santa has decided to take a holiday. He is now vacationing on the beaches of Miami,along with Mrs. Claus.To take his place this year will be his elves Daniel,Rudy & Schmoo. When last spotted,the Christmas sleigh was heading over the Muppet newsroom. <Newsman looks up & gets klunked with a present> Thanks Schmoo!

[Beauregard]

THIS IS A MUPPET NES FLASH

Rouldolf the red nosed raindear has...

Wait, that can't be right. Rain?

*thunder*

*a storm breaks over the Newsman's head*

Bother...

[Beakerfan]

THIS IS A MUPPET NEWS FLASH

Only just recently we recieved a report that Frosty the Snowman has melted. Yes, the beloved snowman was on his way back to the North Pole when he got too close to a burning building last night. And so, unlike the song says, Frost will in fact not be back again some day.

[Animal Jam]

THIS IS A MUPPET NEWS FLASH!

A plane carrying valuble items had to jettison it's cargo. The cargo was, 1000 pounds of platinum, (platinum falls on his right) and a "42" inch plasma TV. (TV falls on his left) Well I think this is the first time that nothing has fallen on me. Wait, i forgot something, a DELL com...(computer falls on him and knocks him out.)

[tutter_fan]

(News music: News man enters running to his desk)

THIS IS A MUPPET NEWSFLASH!

There are rumors that someone on "The price is right" (The most popular game show in american history) has won a Motor home worth over $70,000! (Newsman to himself: I hope I don't get hurt by one!) (Just as he says that , the huge motor home falls down on him!)

[Beauregard]

This is a Muppet News Flash.

This just in. Muppet fans are desperatly petitioning that no more bad things happen to the Muppet Newsman.

*newsman gets belted by fruit and vegies from the audience*

Audience: Liar! Boo! Hiss! Give us some news we care about.

[DanDanStrawberry]

Newsman: This is a Muppet newsflash! I quit....

*leaves*

Animal *excitedly*: RE-PLACE!! RE-PLACE!! ANIMAL RE-PLACE!!